Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Trips to Auschwitz And Other Political Gimmicks
THE CCHQ has put out a press relaese listing Gordon Brown’s 26 gimmicks. Number four was headlined: “Trips to Auschwitz”
The release: “Two pupils from every sixth form and college in the country will be able to visit Auschwitz and learn about the Holocaust thanks to £4.65 million of funding’ (DCSF press release, 4 February 2008)
As the Sun reports: “Mr Cameron complained yesterday that despite a £4.7million boost for trips, schools still had to fork out £100 per pupil.”
Says a Tory spokesman: “School trips to Auschwitz are a brilliant idea. However, by announcing these trips without providing the necessary funding the government has – in classic fashion – hidden the detail in the small print. Under a Conservative government these trips would be funded in full and schools would not have to find £100 per pupil from their budgets.”
Ed Balls, Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, issued his won press release:
“This is a truly disgraceful remark by David Cameron and he should apologise immediately for the offence he has caused. Anyone who has seen the horrors of Auschwitz at first hand knows what a life-changing experience it is. To call the announcement I made of £4.65 million to fund visits by school children over the next three years a ‘gimmick’ just beggars belief. In trying to make this issue into a matter of party politics, David Cameron has shown once again that he not only lacks judgement but also a basic sense of decency.”
It’s not about party politics, says Ed Balls in a, er, Labour Party press release.
Arbeit Macht Frei. Even the Germans can do irony…
Reactions
Guido Fawkes: “The Tories now say that they support the educational Auschwitz trips and that they would fully fund them via the Lottery fund. Whatever the substance of the matter, somebody is going to get a bollocking for the original press release…”
RedBox: “Almost unbelievably, as at 2.40pm, the Tories are trying to defend its inclusion. They say the funding annoucement doesn’t add up and they weren’t trying to say the trips themselves were gimmicks, just the government spin. Doesn’t matter: they put “Visits to Auschwitz” under a list of “gimmicks” (itself a gimmick). They should have seen the politics of this
The ‘Gimmicks’
Earlier today CCHQ emailed out a list of “gimmicks” associated with Gordon Brown’s time as PM:
Community kitty for every neighbourhood
Funding for flooding
Honours for sportsmen
Trips to Auschwitz
New Border Police
Reversing 24-hour drinking policy
Police to confiscate alcohol from teens
Titan prisons
Prison ships
Engaging the public in policy making
1,300 new train carriages
Protecting Public Spaces against terrorist attacks
British jobs for British workers
Deep Cleaning of hospitals
NHS constitution
Screening tests: cervical cancer
Screening tests: C.difficile
1,000 troops home before Christmas
Deportation of foreign nationals
Inheritance Tax
Tenants forced to work
Five hours of culture a week
Netball to be introduced for the 2012 Olympics
Migrant Charges
Knife Scanners
Petition plans.
Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)
The Trials Of Paul Burrell And Princess Diana
PAUL Burrell is in the newspapers.
“Burrell is recalled by judge,” says the Sun’s front page.
“NOW TELL THE TRUTH, BURRELL,” commands the Express on its cover.
The Diana inquest coroner, Lord Justice Scott Baker, has written to Burrell’s solicitor, asking him to return to London from Florida to explain himself and tell the truth.
The Express says that if found guilty of perjury could face up to 10 years in jail. “If” and “could” in the same line. Finally the Diana inquest is making progress.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Messengers’ Killer Breasts In The Sun
AND on a more serious note, the Sun reports that Melinda Messenger…
Spotter: Dizzy
Cheryl Cole Watches Ashley Cole On Player Cam
CHERYL Cole and her Ashley are still making news.
Encouraging signs are, though, that Ashley has listened to Cheryl’s reported demands and will know of his whereabouts at all times.
The Star is leading with news that tomorrow afternoon Cheryl’s footballer will be in the Wembley region of north-west London.
For purposes of identification, Ashley will be wearing a blue top with matching blue shorts and blue socks, all in manmade fibres.
Should his friends be wearing the same, further evidence of Ashley’s whereabouts will be provided by the number ‘3’ on his back and the word “COLE”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
A-Levels In Magnum Pi And Research
NEWS that the Easiest A-levels are to be made “harder” is welcome at the Anorak College of Studies In Education Studies.
Academia should be strenuous, or if not strenuous given the appearance of being strenuous.
As such, and as the Mail notes, A-levels in such matters as geography, sociology and media studies are to be made more challenging.
Researchers at Durham University have worked out that the average A-level in film studies is three grades easier than an A-level in further maths.
How easy a further maths scholar finds naming all of the seven dwarves needs to be balanced against a film student’s knowledge of the featured sums in Good Will Hunting and if the upcoming film of Magnum PI can straddle both disciplines?
You have one hour…
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
Anthea Turner’s Complex Issues
ONCE upon a time, Anthea Turner had it all. Hers was the face, hair (“don’t forget the ankles, guys”), ankles and sunny disposition of British day-time and early evening TV.
Then she parted from Peter and married Grant ‘Bogey’ Bovey, and her world became a foreign place.
As viewers began to turn from Anthea toward Ant ‘n’ Dec and back to Noel Edmonds, Anthea settled into life in a mock Tudor farmhouse near Goldaming in Surrey.
With its wine cellar, stables and cinema, the poperty offered much. And Anthea set to work making it homely for she and Grant.
There was the expensive polo field, the helicopter pad and a £500,000 tennis complex with floodlit tennis court and pavilion.
Planning application was, as the Mail notes, sadly turned down for a huge wooden nest, which Councillor Carole King admiringly called “The Wicked Witch of the West” tree house.
Sadder still that Waverly Borough council voted five to four to refuse a retrospective planning application for the tennis arena.
Fears are that the tennis centre will be torn down. Anthea plans to appeal. And what more appealing than Anthea?
If only the broadcasters would see it…
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Junk Mail Deliverer Sues For Snappy Letterbox
JOY Goodman is approaching the home of one Paul O‘Brien.
Goodman is a cake decorator in her late 40s. Mr O’Brien is out at work when Goodman comes calling. He works as an engineer, says the Mail.
She posts some junk mail, the contents of which are not revealed.
Some time later, Mr O’Brien receives a letter. It runs: “We understand that the circumstances of the accident are that our client was delivering a leaflet to your house when the your letterbox snapped back on her right index finger. As a result of this, our client suffered from personal injury and loss.”
Says Mr O’Brien: “It said they could claim against my house insurance. But if they pay out, my premium will go up… I am going to tell them to challenge it.”
Says Mrs Goodman, in all seriousness: “It is in the hands of my solicitors.”
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (6)
John Gaunt On Rebekah Wade, the BBC And Ross Kemp
JOHN Gaunt is using his column in the Sun to good effect.
Says Gaunty: “SKY One spends a fortune bringing us the truth about Our Boys’ heroics in Afghanistan with Ross Kemp. The BBC makes a programme condemning Our Boys again. Just remind me which one is the state broadcaster we are forced to pay for…”
It’s the BBC, Gaunty. But no need to remind you which is the broadcaster owned by patriotic Rupert Murdoch, owner of the Sun, that paper edited by Kemp’s wife Rebekah Wade…
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole Gives Ashley A ‘Thrashing’
CHERYL Cole and her footballer, Ashley Cole, are “thrashing” about.
The Sun says Cheryl is “considering forgiving” Ashley for, as one Aimee Walton claims, cheating on her in a vomit-fuelled romp. “Cheryl takes cheat Ashley back,” says the Mirror on its cover.
But the decision is not yet made. A source tells us that “all her friends” think Cheryl is “nuts” for sticking with (surely to) her man.
But she loves him so. As the Mirror notes, at the Brits music awards, “She was so distressed she couldn’t even bring herself to stay for Sir Paul McCartney’s…finale and fled 20 minutes before the end.” One verse of Paul’s Frog Chorus could have pushed her over the edge. And us.
(For those of you who watched the show, that’s “Mr Sir Paul McCartney”, as billed by Ozzy Osbourne.)
But what to do? Can Cheryl trust her footballer again? In the Star, Cheryl is introducing Ashley to her “WAGNA CARTA”, her rules of marriage.
One may suppose the vows the couple exchanged before the OK! snappers pretty much had things covered. But celebrity is always looking for the new, and here we have the post-marriage vows.
Cheryl insists that Ashley should indulge in “one romantic gesture a week”. Fans of Cole’s Chelsea ream should not be surprised to see Cole joining the field of play with a rose jammed between his buttocks and a teddy bear holding a red balloon tethered to his laces.
Sickly sweet. But not too sickly – not while the scars are still raw…
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Billie Piper’s Auschwitz Chic
BILLIE Piper and husband Laurence Fox are the latest couple to partake of Auschwitz Chic.
In the Star, Laurence Fox is showing off his new tattoo, a black rendering of the date of his wedding to said Piper.
“I’ve got ‘Mrs Fox 31.12.07’,” says Laurence and “she got ‘Mr Fox’”, and one imagines the same date.
This, as the Sun tells us, follows in the trend laid down by Posh and Becks, who have the dates of their renewed wedding vows inked on their arms.
Such dates should help the celebrities remember. Lest we ever forget…
Posted: 22nd, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
The Great UK Brain Drain And How to Flee Immigrants
NEWS in the Express that “one in 10 brightest Britons quits UK”.
This is a “huge brain drain”, says the paper. “The exodus is revealed at the same time as concerns at home grow about record numbers of migrants arriving to find jobs in Britain.”
These facts are absed on a report by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD).
Says the Telegraph: “We already knew, courtesy of the Office for National Statistics, that emigration from this country is running at higher levels than at any time since before the First World War, with 200,000 British citizens a year departing these shores.”
“So why the exodus?” the apper asks? Better pay? Wunderlust? Cheaper housing? Less chance of meeting Noel Edmonds?
No need to guess. The Telegraph knows: “Scratch an expat in any of the 100-plus countries that have sizeable British communities and you will rapidly find out… One thing will be mentioned more than any other: that unchecked immigration over the past decade is creating a country many Britons no longer feel comfortable in.”
The brainiacs are leaving the UK to live overseas because they don’t feel comfortable living among foreigners.
And they’re the clever ones…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (14)
Spare Us The Details, Ms Virginia Blackburn
VIRGINIA Blackburn writes in the Express of her outrage and disappointment at the words of actress Kathleen Turner.
In “Spare us the details and keep quiet, Miss Turner”, Ms Blackburn opines: “Great heavens, what was she thinking?”
Spare us the details, Viriginia…
“Kathleen Turner, the most beautiful, intelligent and forceful actress ever to grace the silver screen has strayed into ‘too much information territory.”
Such praise. There must be a catch. But spare us the details, Virginia…
“Appearing on the Larry King show in the US [did you see it, Express readers?) to publicise her new autobiography, Kathleen, 53, an icon during her glory days in the Eighties, chose to share that which should have remained private.”
Spare us the details, Virginia…
“’I haven’t had sex for two years and I’m staring to miss it,’ she said.”
Spare us the details, Virginia…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Diana Another Day: MI6 C Section Sensation
KILLED by SPECTRE under orders from Cock Robin and the man with The Grassy Knoll, we can reveal that Princess Diana was not murdered by MI6.
This was an idea touched upon in the book Paul Burrell: What Roger Moore Told Me. And now the Sun hears it confirmed by former “master spy” Sir Richard Dearlove.
The Sun listens in as Sir Richard addresses the Princess Diana inquiry.
Brace yourselves for a “fascinating insight into the working of the intelligence service”.
Come closer. Closer. Know that Sir Richard’s code name was “C” for…“Chief”. The Times leads with news that ten MI6 members have bene requested to appear at the inquest, the list thought to feature Chief Secretary Intelligence (CSI), District Organisational Zone Yemen head (DOZY) and Tim.
The paper says C was director of operations command of the “James Bond organisation” when Diana died. The James Bond thing is a myth.
C says there was no plot to kill Diana (D), listen to Diana nor become romantically entwined with Diana an an ocean liner (P&O), a plane (BA) or on a moving train (RMT)…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Take A Ticket For Big Brother 9
“BIG BROTHER SHOCK PLAN WILL SAVE SHOW – Amazing twist to make new series most outrageous EVER”
Big Brother 9 will be more outrageous and shocking than Big Brother 8, which was more shocking than Big Brother 7, and so on.
The big twist is that wannabes who wanted to be on Big Brother 7 will be afforded the chance to be on Big Brother 9.
These failed Big Brother 7 applicants were the holders of Golden Tickets, bits of foil secreted inside special packet so KitKats.
The Star is upset by this and says “there are zillions of young men and women out there you would captivate viewers”.
No understatement there. And to prove how talented the UK is there are pictures of one “Snoozie” Susie Verrico bending over in her stockings and Danielle wearing a bikini.
It is an outrage that more of the zillions are not being allowed their chance to wear a short skirt and look back cheekily over their shoulders.
Readers offended by the bending of the Big Brother rules can stomp around and say how its “unbe-f*****g-lievable”, “so unfair” and have a hissy fit.
The dozen who can affect the most sense of self-righteous outrage can then be parachuted – still ranting – in to the house and thus help make BB9 as big a hit as BB8, BB7, BB6…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (8)
Cheryl Cole Shines
“CHERYL GLOWS,” says the Mirror in its quotidian update on the life and tans of Cheryl Cole.
So glowing is Cheryl that readers are able to shave in her reflection.
To put Cheryl’s glow in perspective, the Star pictures her alongside “Kimberly”, who appears to have coated in adamite shell of Cuprinol, lest Cheryl’s glow cause her to burn and blister.
No small task for the assembled snappers at last night Brits awards to capture these women on film, the glare making all but the luckiest shot reminiscent of an Arctic white out…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
GCSEs In Languages Should be Made Easier
“GCSE in language ‘too hard’,” says the Sun.
The Association of Language Learning, the Association of School and College Leaders and the Independent Schools’ Association “have “blasted” the decision of the Qualification and Curriculum Authority not to adjust the grading.
The Association of Real Schooling, the Higher Education In The Community Collective and a spokesman for the Union of Excellence In European Scholastic Fellowship all agree that learning a foreign language should reflect the speaker and their audience.
As such GCSE French students should make it clear if they are travelling to Paris, where a large lexicon and impeccable accent is required to get served even a cup of water in a cafe, or to a rural locale on the German border where a vocabulary in excess of 50 words is considered showing off and subversive.
Until the matter is cleared up, all Britons overseas are advised to stick with English as they are best able…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Guess The Tabloid Pun, With Kelly Brook
GUESS The Pun, featring Kelly Brook.
Kelly Brook, a “model-turned- actress, has an apple tree orchard. She wants to go into the juice business.
What is the Sun’s headline?
a) How d’yer like them apples?
b) Core!
c) Kelly: I want to squeeze my pips
d) Apple turnover
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Doggy Styling With Danielle Lloyd And Jermain Defoe
CELEBRITY insight of the say: Danielle Lloyd and footballer Jermain Defoe.
The Sun says the Portsmouth striker (Defoe) threw out Ms Lloyd when she suggested they buy a “Paris-Hilton-style handbag mutt”.
The dog in a bag is not the last word in Malaysian fast food, rather a fashion trend in which a small dog in placed within a huge bag.
Should the fashion for massive bags alter to, say, small bags, the likes of Miss Lloyd may have to find smaller dogs, or use their new bags as ear guards for bigger dogs. Such is the way of fashion.
Says an insider: “She wanted to carry it about with them – he told her, ‘it’s over’. It says a lot about his priorities.”
If it says lots in a good way or a bad is not made clear…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Black And Blue: Police Row Over Who Gets To Drive The Van
WHEN PC Aled Bartlett was given the keys to the police van, with its state-of-the-art radio, he was pleased.
A picture of PC Bartlett features in the Daily Mail, and it shows him to be a large framed man with a mop of curly hair and ruddy cheeks. Were he to laugh, it would do wonders for morale and the advancement of community policing.
PC Byron Emerson-Thomas is not laughing. It is said he is a “bit upset”
The source of the upset is not PC Byron’s name, rather his car, which is a panda car with blue feminine-shaped light and limited power.
As prosecutor Mark Spackman tells Newport Crown Court: “This was a petty dispute or squabble about who was going to drive the police van that night.”
It is alleged that PC Emerson-Thomas did punch PC Bartlett in the arm, causing his tea to spill. Bartlett says he reached for the paper towels. PC Emerson-Thomas is said to have used the towels to “wipe the tea down his colleague’s arm” and face.
“Boys leave it there,” says a voice. But no. PC Emerson-Thomas is said to have punched PC Bartlett in the head, causing a cut that required eight stitches.
PC Bartlett admits to throwing a two-litre bottle of water into PC Emerson-Thomas’s chest, which PC Emerson-Thomas caught in one hand, while holding a cup of tea in his other hand.
PC Bartlett than knocked the tea out of PC Emerson-Thomas’s hand, “so he wouldn’t be able to throw it over me.”
PC Bartlett says the pair were once friends and “had made plans to go to Lionel Richie concert together.”
Were the police to get their way and all officers go about equipped with CCTV camera in their ears, we would doubtless be treated to this exchange via a video sharing website, the action slowed down while Metropolitan Police chief, Sir Ian Blair, gives a voice over: “Head shots are advisable this instance, but some officers prefer a club to the midriff or pepper spray to the mouth. We allow officer to use their discretion.”
But all we get is the mental images. And to see the frustrsation and boiling rage within the drivers of police panda cars. And wonder at the volcanicity and pent up rage burning inside police on push bikes…
The case continues.
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comment (1)
Cherly Cole And Ashley Are Not The New Posh And Becks
WRITES Liz Jones in the Mail: “”Singer Cheryl Cole and her footballer husband Ashley were dubbed the new Posh and Becks’ after marrying … But last month when he was unfaithful…”
We should end it there. Point made.
But Miss Jones says she understands Cheryl’s pain. Liz Jones “has been in the same situation”. We scratch our heads. Is this the same Liz Jones who used to sing with the Chantels, or are we confusing her with Liz Jones from the Pussycat Dolls?
And if Mr Ashley Cole has vomited around and maybe on Liz while in the throes of passion, is it the stuff for newspaper of repute such as the Mail?
“OH, CHERYLY, YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER,” says Jones.
But this last gasp move to sway Cheryl’s mind is a failure. As the Star notes on its front page: “CHERYL: I FORGIVE ASH BUT I WON’T FORGET!”
Cheryl and her footballer are to be reunited, comes the news. Cheryl is to tell her man that he has one last chance.
Chery Cole is not Liz Jones…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Liz Hurley ‘Slave Wage’ Gag
“LIZ HURLEY AND HER SLAVE WAGE MAID.”
The Mirror’s front-page headline reintroduces readers to Liz Hurley. No, dear readers, not a chance to look at the maverick talent of Miss Hurley’s breasts, nor her backside, nor her legs, hair or teeth. This is the story of Liz’s “slave wage maid”.
But we cannot hear from Violet D’Souza, because she has been “gagged”.
Anorak is appalled by the mental image of Miss D’Souza sat on a rickety chair, her mouth held in a rictus grin by a ball and chain, or one of Hurley’s end-of-line bikini tops. She stares, tormented by the sight of Miss Hurley feasting on a half dozen raisins arranged on a silver platter.
But the fanciful image is all, because the truth may never out. On the eve of her lament, to be heard at an industrial tribunal, the case has been dropped. Violet, we learn, worked at Hurley’s London home. Violet was, allegedly, paid 8,000 rupees a week, or £100. Given her claimed hours, and the exchange rate, this works out at between £1.40 and £1.60 an hour.
And then after four years servitude, Violet was sacked. She contacted the Citizens’ Advice Bureau and filed a claim for failure to supply a written statement of terms and conditions, race discrimination and unfair dismissal.
How Violet has been “gagged” is not made clear. The Mirror seems more concerned with letting us know that Hurley is worth £13million and her maid paid £1.20 an hour. One may suppose this were unfair, given the number of fans of Hurley’s work with dresses and tanning gels who would, we imagine, work for Hurley for free…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Definitely Maybe Princess Diana Was Murdered
FOLLOWING Al Fayed’s “He Duns It” show at the High Court, it is the turn of Dodi Fayed’s “US assistant” Melissa Henning to take the stand.
(Yes, yes, we’ll get to you in a minute. Patience. Everyone will get their say.)
Via the Mirror, Di-ana-rakians hear Ms Hennigns say how Dodi Fayed “‘deeply believed a Royal Family plot to kill her was possibility.”
Believe, Possible. Maybe…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Pregnant Notes With Britney Spears
WANT to know what Britney Spears smells like?
Antispectic top notes with base signatures of rubber, flat cider and screw top jar.
While the Mirror and Sun wonder if Spears is pregnant again, the Mirror also reports that Eau de Spears is the nation’s favourite celebrity smell. More of us want to smell like Britney until bathtime than we do Kylie Minogue, the Beckhams, Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker and P Diddy.
Ever since screen legend Elizabeth Taylor gave us White Diamonds, celebrities have been scraping their morning sheets and creating bottled essences of themselves.
The Anorak has yet to meet all celebrities – only Tony Blair has (buy his Lucre scent soon).But most celebrities smell of tangerines laid over a bed of dry white wine and warmed taxi seat.
Unless they mask their natural ordour with perfume and all end up smelling like Britney Spears…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Global Warming Update: The Frozen North
GLOBAL warming upodate: “Day the Dales became the frozen north.”
Says Rambler Colin Anderson in the Mail :”I came round a big bend in the river and saw the icicles shining in the early sun. It reminded me of the pipes of a huge cathedral organ.”
And they’re playing Mother Earth’s Requiem…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (2)
Bridgend Watch: A Look At The Cult Of Suicides In The Media
SUICIDE Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of teenage suicides in Bridgend
THE SUN: Jenna Parry’s face looks out from the cover of the Sun
“ANOTHER MYSTERY TEEN DEATH,” says the paper. “17 hangings, 13 months, 1 town, 1 question..WHY?”
Above a picture of swings, a see-saw and a climbing frame, the legend: “Place where shadow of death stalks the young”
“The stunned people of Bridgend found themselves living in the shadow of death yesterday after yet another young suicide victim was found hanging from a tree…While police and politicians maintained there was no link between Jenna Parry’s death and SIXTEEN previous hangings in the area, local people feared otherwise”
Who needs facts and the results of a police investigation when you have “fear”. And the shadowy internet
Michael Bennett found Miss Parry’s body as he was out walking his dog, as is ever the way of things. “In an apparent reference to Bebo, he added: ‘Youngsters need to talk to people like their family, not spend all their time on computers or watching television'”
Reports the Sun: “Like many of the others, Jenna had her own pages on teenage social networking website Bebo. Police will examine her computer.” Rachel White, a friend of the dead girl, says: “Her Bebo site will probably be turned into a memorial as well”
David Morris, Assistant Chief Constable of South Wales, “admitted the cluster of suicides in the Bridgend area was unique because of the ‘exceptional’ numbers involved. But he claimed there was no evidence of a mass pact”
He says:
“A number have access to social networking sites such as Bebo and MySpace. But we have not found any suggestion of any links or influence from these sites to have encouraged these young people to take their lives. These are vulnerable young people and there is a view that taking one’s own life may become an acceptable option, but we have found no evidence of any link between them”
Not to worry, though, because the Sun is on the case, and it has one line of questioning
DAILY MIRROR: “SUICIDE No 17 IN THE TOWN OF NO HOPE – JENNA, 16 FOUND HANGED.”
“There is only one topic of conversation amongst a group of teenagers outside an off-licence in Bridgend – the apparent suicide of Jenna Parry,” says the Mirror’s man on the scene, stood by a group of teenagers who – and this a bonus – are hanging out by the booze shop. If reporter Nic North can mention the teens’ weight – and let’s pray to god they are obese – and their smoking, his story will have the lot
But before he asks them for their views on Iraq, he brings the economy into it: “Young people are pessimistic for their Jobs in local retail parks or fast food outlets is the best they can hope for.” Pretty much all teens, unless you’re Peaches Geldof, a Royal earning a crust, a model of a footballer, are pessimistic about the low-paid work they are offered
Gareth says bleakly: “I can understand why they’re killing themselves. It takes a trigger, a row with your girlfriend, another job rejection, to push you over the edge.” He says the mood in Bridgend is “fear”. He explains: “Every morning, you’re waking up thinking, Who’s it gonna be today? It’s got really freaky. There’s a sense that the place is cursed, a losing town’s curse.”
A curse! Now the Mirror is getting somewhere.
DAILY EXPRESS: “More suicide mystery”
Says David Morris: “The link between the deaths isn’t the internet – it is the way the media is reporting the news”
“Jenna belonged to two websites,” says the Express. “Experts warn of internet link”
Says the Express of Mr Morris’s comment: “This is nonsense. Many of the deaths occurred before there was any news coverage.” But then many suicides never make into the pages of the national press. Maybe when they did, impressionable teenagers read about it? Maybe all 17 suicides read the Daily Express?
DAILY MAIL: “The tragedy of Jenna, suicide town’s 17th victim”
It’s the town that’s killing them
THE TIMES: “Schools on alert after 17th Bridgend suicide”
Says the paper: “Experts are to be sent into every school in Bridgend as part of an urgent strategy drawn up to halt the spate of suicides in a small area of South Wales that claimed a 17th young victim yesterday.”
Says David Morris: “These are vulnerable young people. Taking one’s own life may be becoming an acceptable option to young people for issues that they are facing.”
So no curse? No Internet plot? But this mass suicide is a phenomenon, Bridgend is like Jonestown with a broadband connection?
Notes the paper: “Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that 20 people – 14 of them young men – took their lives in the Bridgend area in 2006, while Merthyr Tydfil had 10 suicides and Rhondda Cynon Taff 18”
Jenna Parry is the 17th suicide in Bridgend since the start of 2007
THE INDEPENDENT: “Task force considers the ‘Werther effect'”
The Sorrow of Young Werther is the story of a young artist who shoots himself after an ill-fated love affair. “Following its publication in 1774 there was a series of reports of young men who took their own lives in the same way, which led to the book being banned”
Was Master Werther on Bebo?
DAILY TELEGRAPH: “What hope can we offer Bridgend’s teenagers?”
Jan Moir pictures the scene in her mind’s eye: “It is hard to imagine what kind of despair inched each of them towards the thought and then the deed: to fashion the knot, to slip the fixings before the final swing into oblivion.” Is it so hard? “Teenagers are emotional creatures whose taste runs to the gothic,” says Moir. Was she ever a teenager?
“In each case, the method was the same; only the location changed. One youngster strung himself up from a washing line, one in a park, yet another from a tree; terrible and strange fruit hanging in the Welsh valleys. Most were hanged in their own bedrooms; the worst of surprises for a parent opening the door on to an unforgettable scene… Exposure to suicide can lead to what psychiatrists call contagion, and the fear is that more vulnerable teens will succumb to the death talk in the air and copycat-kill themselves. Is this what happened yesterday?
The more excitable newspapers have a weakness for outrage. Together they make an uncomfortable alliance. Certainly, the repeated and sensational suggestion that the dead youngsters are part of a internet death pact or cult is particularly unhelpful. Apart from anything else, if it were a cult, the deaths would be more ritualistic and flamboyant, there would be more of them and they would have happened in a shorter space of time for maximum impact”
Moir does not try to imagine how cult members might kill themselves. But Anorak readers can feel free…
Posted: 20th, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Tabloids | Comments (15)
