Tabloids Category
The news as told by the UK’s tabloid press – The Sun, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Daily Mirror, Daily Star and News of the World.
Fidel Castro’s Legacy
THE front page of this evening’s free London paper looks at the Fidel Castro legacy:
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (7)
Natasha Kaplinksy Is Quentin Letts’ On-Air Air Hostess
NATASHA Kaplinksy is on the sofa. Natasha Kaplinsky is being watched by the Mail’s adolescent Harry Potter, Quentin Letts.
The headline to his review: “Her blouse was unbuttoned well south of Watford. But news? Oh, dear, Natasha..”
It’s up to Bedfordshire for Little Letts as he dreams of Kaplinsky and her open-necked blouse and denim jeans.
There was a time when men fantasised over nurses. Then came women in combat uniform, air hostesses and supermodels. With each new episode of female emancipation a new male lust.
There was a period when women newsreaders were the stuff of daydreams, but then it passed. Now Kaplinsky is sat on a sofa and men are watching, or at least the Mail’s everyman is.
What the next object of male urges will be is hard to say. But it won’t be Ms Kaplinsky. It’s more likely to be female footballers, female celebrity chefs or World’s Strongest Women…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
The Osbourne’s Naked Ambition
“NAKED OZZY BANNED FROM BRITS,” announces the Star’s front-page headline.
Ozzy Osbourne and his pixie-voiced wife Sharon are to present the Brit awards, UK pop’s AGM.
Says Sharon in the Sun: “Everybody keeps saying about autocues and s***. It’s not a contest to see who can say as many wrong words as possible.” Nor is it a swearing contest, which Sharon’s language would render a non-contest.
It’s is also not a strip show. The Star says a team of bouncers is on standby lest Ozzy take his clothes off on stage.
Given the nature of the vibrating Ozzy, the bouncers may have a job to keep him earthbound.
And as for taking off his clothes, the fear is surely less of a shocker than of Ozzy wrestling with his socks and buttons and making the show run into the following week…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Richard And Judy’s In The Club Club
NEWS in the Sun that Richard Madeley’s daughter Chloe “calls herself Canary – after wife Judy conceived on the islands”.
Most children would prefer not to know that their parents ever have sex, let alone be able to name the location of their coitus.
But if this is the way of things, a furthering of the trend began by Brooklyn Beckham, India Knight and Harlow Richie we urge caution for those of you atmepting procreation in Bald Knob (USA), Bumbang (Australia) Fuku (China), Rim (Chad) or Ashton-under-Lyme…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Lily Allen Quote Of The Day: Knickers
LILY Allen Quote of the Day, via the Sun: Lily Allen responds to the news that she is to be dropped as the face of lingerie chain Agent Provocateur.
Lily is said to be “gutted”.
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
War On Terror: Parviz Khan Breaks Yer Legs
PARVIZ Khan is behind bars. Read about him in Birmingham Terrorists: Parviz Khan’s Impossible Job.
But who is Parviz Khan? The Express reveals all: “‘Asian Roy Keane’ who led evil plot to behead soldier”.
Roy ‘I have never really lost my temper‘ Keane is unailable for comment but is known to have a a dog…
Paul Missing And Lady Heather Mills Looking For Shaky
AT the “11th hour” Paul McCartney attempts a “high-risk legal stunt” and stands up Lady Heather Mills.
So says the Mail. Both parties are due to sign their divorce settlement, an agreement for Paul to give Lady Heather £20million and £2.5million over the next 14 years.
Shocking stuff. Shocking enough for Jenny, “18, from the Wirral”, to appear in the Sun without her clothes on and tell us: “I can’t believe this court battle is still rumbling on.”
“Judge to decide how much Heather gets,” says the Express. The paper reports that Paul was “Clearly unable to bear any more of the courtroom salvos from Ms Mills, 65-year-old Sir Paul did not attend the High Court in London yesterday.”
No calculated ploy then, rather an aged man rising above it all. The Mail says the move is intended to save Paul money, allowing High Court judge Mr Justice Bennett to set the terms of Mills’ recompense.
But might there be another reason? Might it be that, ever the showman, Paul is making ready to announce himself as one Hank Marvin, who replaced Paul when he died some years ago?
Mindful of this we read in the Star that Mills is “searching for a new man”. She wants a man who is her financial equal (to be established) and aged between 45 and 60.
Old Mr Anorak The Younger fits the bill, or Shakin’ Stevens, as his friends known him by…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Dancing On Ice: Celebrity Cull Moves To Families
TO the Dancing On Ice TV show, the extravaganza that seeks to reduce the UK’s celebrity mountain by offing minor stars with blades.
Readers of less certain stomach are encouraged to stare at presenter Holly Willoughby’s chest.
Many have fallen. And now grim news that the father of Willoughby’s co-presenter Phillip Schofield, is ill.
Says an insiders of Schofield’s “secretly dashed” moments: “One minute he’d be giving a flawless performance on Dancing On Ice and 40 minutes later he’d be climbing into a put-up bed by his dad’s side.”
Sun readers learn that this is “an inspiration”.
We are unsure who we should feel inspired other than to wish Mr Schofield, and his father Brian, the best of luck and hope that none of the dancers suffers too greatly…
Update: It was the saddest moment of TV this weekend..as Steve Backley was booted off Dancing With Ice, his four-year-old daughter Ellese burst into tears before millions of viewers.”
With right counselling and therapy, Ellese might pull through the trauma. These are worrying time for celebrities. Kill them off by all means. But is there any need to go after their families too?
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
A Total Ban On Food And Drink In Cinemas: Bring Back Smoking
TO the cinema, where Adam Glennon is making his way to his seat for the sci-fi thriller Cloverfield.
A security guard approaches. He wants to know what Mr Glennon has in the plastic bag. Sweets. Mr Glennon is ordered to hand over the bag and it contents to the guard.
Says he: “He was searching me like a copper looking for a gun. I was blood red because I couldn’t believe it.”
Mail readers learn that Mr Glennon had previously visited a cheaper shop and paid £5 for eight packets of M&Ms, a multi-pack of crisps, a “mixture of sweets” and two bottles of cherry cola.
The policy is that all beverages and snacks consumed on the premises should be bought on the premises. Mr Glennon is outraged and is now stood outside the cinema handing our free sweets and price comparison leaflets.
This protest may outweigh the money saved on buying the discounted sweets over the more expensive cinema goods. And it may garner sympathy with some punters, who should take care to swallow all freebies before entering the cinema on pain of being held upside down and shaken.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (6)
C-Day As Girls Aloud’s Cheryl Cole Colours Ashley Bad
IT’S GIRLS ALOUD on holiday in Los Angeles.
Kimberley Walsh is spotted by the Mail looking the “colour of a well polished Chippendale sideboard”. Thomas Chippendale died in 1779, and Miss Walsh is said to be 26 years old.
Walsh is either older than she looks and preserved wonderfully by a Ronseal finish, or else the Chippendale to which the Mail refers is a Chippendale dancer, the only male stripping troupe with a range of home furnishings.
To her side is Miss Nicola Roberts, who appears to have misread the label and become dipped in creosote.
But this is to distract from the central plank that is Cheryl Cole. As the Sun’s Gordon Smart says this is C-day. It is C for Cheryl, although given Smart’s appearance in light grey suit, pink tie and belligerent expression, the C may signify something else.
The Sun says tonight Cheryl will come face-to-face with her husband Ashley Cole, the vomitous footballer.
If Aimee Walton’s testimony is to be believed, Cheryl would do well to stand back and keep a box of tissues and some anti-bacterial wipes to hand…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Mohamed Al Fayed’s Off The Cuff Remarks
MOHAMED al Fayed is on the cover of the nation’s newspapers. Mohamed al Fayed has been speaking about all things Princess Diana and Dodi. Mohammed al Fayed, he says lots.
For reasons unexplained, Mr Fayed has chosen the moment of his greatest attraction to dispense with his usual outfit of skin-tight double-breasted suit and vomit-‘n’-cuff shirts, those stripy shirts with white collar and cuffs he has made his own. Fayed appears in a dark blue suit with large check pattern, and a similarly designed shirt over a blue turtleneck top.
In all papers, Mr Fayed is pictured raising his hand to the air like Topol’s impish wife asking him off the bloody roof get, or else looking like a very small man pleading with the much taller sweetshop owner to help him reach the top shelf.
The news:
DOILY MIRROR (front page): “HORRIBILIS”
“Charles wanted Di dead to wed Camilla,” and baked in a pie with all the poor blackbirds, innit, like Robert Kilroy-Silk, Elvis, Anthea Turner and Lee Harvey Oswald?
“Philip’s a Nazi..go back to Germany!” – He like Ken Hitler to that fuggign Klaus Barbie woman. That Osama bin Laden and Philip have never been seen in same room at same time. Shock. Is truth!
DOILY MAIL: “Al Fayed tells inquest Prince Philip’s a racist Nazi called Frankenstein, Camilla is a crocodile and royals are a ‘Dracula family’.” Still he insists.. I’M NOT MAD”.
THE SUN: “IS HE OFF HIS FAYED?”
THE STAR: “VAMPIRE ROYALS KILLED DI”
DOILY ESPRESS: “’Prince Philip and Blair ordered murder. And the Queen, he adds, bought off Burrell”
It’s all just so fanciful that , given how implausible life can be – see the tabloids every day – there remains the chance that Mr Fayed is hitting upon some kind of truth.
If you can spot it – and if the agents from SPECTRE don’t get you first – let us know what the truth is…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (9)
Wake And Blake: Amy Winehouse’s Pet Joey
BLAKE Fielder-Hosiptal, husband to Amy Winehouse, is in jail, and in the Sun.
Says a source: “Blake has to pay for his gear somehow – and he has no qualms about cashing in on his wife’s fame. He’ll take orders from other inmates then ask Amy to bring in signed photos of herself during visits. He usually gets her to write a little personalised note to make it look authentic. Once he’s back on the wing he’ll swap these for Joeys.
“The boys think they’ll get a few quid for them on eBay. It’s not clear whether she knows exactly what’s going on . . . but she must find it strange that all these so-called prison hardmen have suddenly become starstruck Amy Winehouse fans.”
Hardmen. Prison. Drug habit. Hard men. Anyone seen Ross Kemp? (Enough already – ed)...
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Paul McCartney And Heather Mills’ Dirty Linen
LADY Heather Mills has been told to destroy documents. A source tells the Mirror: “It’s highly sensitive information that must remain private at all costs.”
Heather is “believed” to have accepted their demand and also “allegedly agreed” to destroy all video and audio evidence relating to the four-year marriage. She “claims” to have a tape of ex-Beatle Sir Paul, 65, “allegedly confessing” to hitting late wife Linda.
Believed. Allegedly. Claims. The facts just keep on coming.
The “source” adds: “Heather doesn’t want to be banned from talking about her marriage and Paul doesn’t want damaging details leaking out. This is the compromise they have been looking for. Both sides have yet to put pen to paper but it’s looking hopeful.”
A source tells the Sun: “He wants to get on with life. The last thing he needs is an appeal, which would force all their dirty linen into the public arena.”
Indeed, not. As Anorak readers know, Paul McCartney died many years ago and was replaced in The Beatles line up by Hank Marvin. As for dirty linen, Lady Mills’ work with baby oil has been well documented…
Paul Is Dead: One Abbey Road Beatle Remains
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Paul Burrell ‘Lied’ Over Princess Diana
PAUL Burrell: “I lied to Di inquest.” It is time for Paul Burrell to break his silence.
The Sun has seen a video. It’s an exclusive. The Telegraph has seen it too.
Before Burrell: Royal Lies can hit the shelves, Burrell is on a video. The Sun says it was “uncovered”, but declines to say how.
For the tape, Burrell is, as is alleged, heard to, say: “I told the truth as far as I could — but I didn’t tell the whole truth. Perjury is not a nice thing to have to contemplate.”
Burrell: My Perjury – In this week’s instalment Burrell recalls how he and Diana’s lover Atticus Finch never believed Tom Robinson guilty of rape and made his stand accordingly…
He goes on: “I was very naughty and I made a couple of red herrings, and I couldn’t help doing it. I know you shouldn’t play with justice and I know it’s illegal and I realise how serious it is. Maybe I didn’t tell the whole truth.”
Burrell: My Whole Truth will be Paul Burrell’s fifteenth book on his time with Princess Diana and her quest to win the X Factor…
Says Burrell: “Do you honestly think I am actually going to sit there in a court of law and tip out my guts and tell them? That’s what he wanted me to do — the judge — to actually tell them what I know, all the secrets. No! You know me better than that.”
Burrell: My Integrity is a work based on Princess Diana’s time working undercover at a garden centre in East Grinstead…
“Do you honestly think I’ve told everything I know? Of course I haven’t,” he goes on. “Do you honestly think I am actually going to sit there in a court of law and tip out my guts and tell them? That’s what he wanted me to do — the judge — to actually tell them what I know, all the secrets. No! You know me better than that.”
Burrell: My Guts is the story of one man who can stomach no more…
Says Burrell: “They don’t get it in Britain. They think I’m living off the death of the Princess and off her name. I don’t have a Princess Diana doll that I am selling throughout America. I would make a fortune. But I don’t do that. So I get tarred and feathered for things I haven’t done. My brand isn’t in Britain, I will never be forgotten in Britain.”
Burrell: What A Doll reveals a different secret with each pull of the string…
Says Burrell: “Quite frankly, Britain can f*** off. I don’t want to go back to Britain. The crunch will be when the Queen dies and Charles becomes King and ‘She’ becomes Queen. At that time I will be very happy to give back my British passport. It’s either that or to chain myself to the railings of Buckingham Palace.”
Burrell: My Suffrage – the story the Queen Mother’s romance with the Pankhurst girls
“Greedy Burrell” goes on: “That’s why I am here (in the US) indefinitely. I was here today to close a deal with my jewellery — royal jewellery I designed myself, just diamonds. I keep adding to my licensing programme. I don’t have to think about Britain any more. Britain’s a tiny little place.”
Burrell: The UK Is Shrinking – A Global Warming Crisis is available in hardback…
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Jagging Up With Amy Winehouse
TABLOID Headline Of The Day: “The Rolling Stones warn Amy Winehouse to stay off drugs.”
After Keith Richards’ views, Sir Mick Jagger, 64, who was jailed in 1967 for possessing drugs, opines: “When we were experimenting, little was known about the effects. In our time, there were no rehab centres. Anyway, I didn’t know about them.”
So not quite as the headline promises.
Indeed, many may wonder if Winehouse should stay on the mind-altering drugs, or at last pass them on to other budding performers who want to be as famous and successful as she and the Rolling Stones.
Perhaps the UK’s performing arts industry could invest in a small poppy holding in Afghanistan, a laboratory in rural Essex or a cannabis farm in Hackney and drop product in the wannabes’ water?
The one proviso would be that all non-talent stays off the drugs, lest no work get done and the resulting productions resemble nothing more than a very long drone…
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
The Heath Ledger Sick Joker Toy
HEATH Ledger is dead. But he lives on. Bow your heads and pray for Heath Ledger the laughing toy.
Admittedly, not as offensive as the VirboLedger, the Brokeback Mountain male sex toy (with chaps and stirrups), nor the Skeleton Ledger, nor the Ledger Hot Poker, but no less of a sensation.
The Star says Ledger plays The Joker in Batman flick The Dark Knight. The movie, we learn, is set to be this summer’s major blockbuster.
And to mark its imminent arrival, and just a week after his funeral, Ledger’s Joker dolls have been unveiled.
The doll comes in two versions. The first comes with a rocket launcher that can be put in the Joker’s hand. The second sees his character armed with a knife.
Says a spokesman for the star’s family: “Heath was very proud of his work in the film and his family is aware and supportive of the plans for the movie of Warner Bros and its partners.”
It’s all very tasteful. And fans of the film should look out for the Heath Ledger Sick Joke Book, coming, by our estimations, four weeks after the tragedy…
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Richard & Judy’s Secret Chat
“RICHARD & JUDY IN SECRET £4M TALKS.”
Front page news on the Daily Mirror of Richard Madeley and Judy Finnegan, champions of daytime telly chatter.
And a little contest to kick the week of. Are these high–priced secret talks:
a) A new exclusive chatshow for the super rich?
b) A private chat with the Sultan of Brunei’s son, who has hired Richard & Judy to talk to him on his birthday?
c) Richard & Judy Unplugged – The Tour?
d) Richard and Judy speaking to lawyers and dividing up their wealth and chattels?
e) Plans to keep Richard & Judy on the airwaves?
The correct answer is (b). No, that really was a secret.
The answer is (e). Richard & Judy have announced they are quitting television. And now “TV’s golden couple have done a U-turn and are now hawking the popular Channel 4 programme around rival stations in an effort to stop it being consigned to broadcasting history”.
A “senior source” at programme-makers Cactus Television tells us: “We are talking to various different broadcasters about various different projects for post-September.”
Anyone who wants to know more can call 0800RJSECRET and find out. Calls cost £120 a minute, o.n.o. Let’s hit that £4milion, people!
All calls may not be recorded…
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Richard & Judy: What D’Yer Think Of It Sofa?
RICHARD & JUDY Update: The Mirror hails Richard & Judy’s “20 YEARS ON THE SOFA”, a headline that pretty much sums up their lives and those of their viewers.
It’s interactive TV at its most pioneering.
Posted: 18th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Daily Express – The Rogarian’s Friend
ANOTHER day and with it another chance for Daily Express readers to live like their Romany neighbours and win a Campervan. More details here.
Only in the caring Daily Express – The Rogarian’s friend
Curtains Drawn On Pete Doherty’s Lounge Music
PETE Doherty has given up the works for work.
We journey to Pete Doherty’s front room, a residence in Burbage near Marlborough, Wiltshire, where the children’s entertainer is performing for a young American entrepreneur.
The American, one Greg Thomas, has paid Doherty £15,000 for the privilege.
Says one Paul Roundhill: “This guy loves Pete. It’s going to be really great. I just hope Pete is straight enough to perform. I think someone might have given him some drugs as he’s out of it at the moment. But I’m going to wake him up when they get here.”
As the Mail reports, when the show began Thomas got the full Doherty Experience.
Readers learn that Doherty was hardly able to stand. Undeterred Thomas waited seven hours for his hero to right himself for the hour-long show.
Says an insider: “They certainly got value for money. They had a real insight into who Pete really is.”
Says Peter Doherty: “Great to meet you.”
The crowd may have whooped, as is the tendency with Americans, and screamed “Yoo da man!”
Doherty gathers himself: “The gig went really well. It was really nice. I got to try out lots of new material. These people were real aficionados. They certainly know their stuff. Everything I played went down really well, from old songs all the way through to my new stuff which no one’s heard.”
And in words that could be uttered by any number of solo male British pop acts thanking their fans post-gig – from Gareth Gates, to Rick Astley and Darius Danesh:
“They were a really nice couple as well. They’ve got three children and it was just nice all round, all for a bit of pocket money.”
Pete Doherty will be performing again soon. Dress casual. Show starts whenever any of you can get there.
Curtains draw at 9pm sharp…
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Getting Under Heather Mills Nails: Co-ordinated Bras, Toe Jobs And a Newman
“WHO will colour coordinate my bras – The bizarre world of Heather Mills, by her manicurist.”
Says the Mail On Sunday:
“It was a request she could not refuse. But when manicurist Kerry Newman was summoned by Heather Mills-McCartney, her heart was in her mouth. What – and who – would she find at Heather’s £2 million beach-front home? The aggrieved single mother battling through the most prominent divorce case in British legal history, or a truculent diva whose temper is the stuff of legend?”
And you thought manicurists were just interested hands? But manicurists have ears. Manicurists have mouths. Kerry “spent six months tending to Heather’s nails – an experience, as she tells The Mail on Sunday, she is unlikely to forget.” This is her story.
Six months looking at Lady Heather’s hands may be something you’d try to forget. But Kerry has total recall. It’s a buff ‘n’ tell. Now read on…
Hanging Put With Nail Technicians
We join the action as Kerry is in café in Brighton.
“Inside, I overheard Heather Mills. She was with her daughter Beatrice and her security guard and she was really running Paul McCartney down, saying he was trying to poison Beatrice against her and declaring: “It’s all about the money for Paul.” I thought it was a bit bad her letting every Tom, Dick and Harry hear that.
Indeed. Says Kerry in the Mail on Sunday (redership 5.8 million adults and heaven knows how many impressionable kiddies): “It’s not the sort of thing you should want strangers to know. But I rang my partner Darren, told him about Heather being there and asked if he thought I should approach her with one of my business cards. He said: ‘Yeah, why not?’”
Says Kerry: “It might seem a bit strange to be so forward, but for my job you have to get the word out.”
Mail on Sunday readers who want to contact Kerry can get in touch with the paper, which produces her business card with the phone number blurred.
In a matter of weeks, Kerry was giving Heather a “gel overlay treatment” on her fingernails. “It’s like a French manicure, but the gel sets hard and doesn’t chip. A lot of celebrities have it.” Oh? “Depending on the treatment, I charge £35-£40. A couple of times Heather tipped me about £20, and other times £5.”
Heather asks Kerry for a pedicure. Says Kerry: “There were a few spare prosthetic legs on a chair.” If Kerry charges by the toe, she could yet make her fortune.
Toe Jobs And Bras
Says Kerry: “Heather is demanding and gives out orders, sometimes clicking her fingers, and she can be abrupt and grand”. Readers learn that’s Lady Mills once told her housekeeper: “Can you rearrange my bras in colour co-ordination?”
During our third appointment, Heather said: “Do you mind if we take a break so I can go with Ben to do some pelvic exercises?”
Her pelvis was smashed in the accident in which she lost her leg, so I said: “Oh, OK, fine.”
She said: “I won’t be long,” and suggested I went downstairs to make myself a cup of tea, which I did.
I could hear loads of laughing going on upstairs.
It didn’t really sound like they were doing the normal sort of pelvic exercises! I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a little fumble.
Indeed not. It’s hard to surprise a manicurist. They’ve seen some thing in their time. They can tell you, Nails, cuticles, calluses, the lot!…
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Tabolid Headline Of The Day
ON the cover of the Sunday Express: “GENEROSITY of the girl born with four kidneys.”
Well, if you can afford to be generous…
New Anti-Paedophile Drive For Parents
“PARENTS To Get Anti-Paedophile Powers”
Parents are to be given new powers to check whether people who are allowed access to their children have convictions for child sex crimes.
The scheme will initially be trialled in four police areas – Cambridgeshire, Hampshire, Cleveland and Warwickshire – and if successful could be rolled out across England and Wales.
It will allow single mothers to ask police whether potential boyfriends have child sex convictions before they start a relationship.
And family members or neighbours who regularly look after children could also be checked.
What do you think?
Sarah’s Law victory in fight against pervs
NEW PLAN HERALDS SARAH’S LAW
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Tabloids | Comments (8)
Let’s Play Suicide And Politics With Jordan
AS ever with Katie Price, she of the now-less-gargantuan
Do you begin with “
Or do you, in the other hand (surely on the other hand, ed?) plump for the Star on Sunday’s no less sensational front-page headline: “HOUSE OF LORDS – Katie Price to join Government”?
Tricky choice. Perhaps, though, the stories are not so dissimilar. See if you can guess if the following quotes and facts come from the NOTW or the SoS. Let’s play WARDS or LORDS.
Use your knowledge to say if each of the following lines comes from the story of an ill Jordan (WARDS) or a political Jordan (LORDS). Let’s play:
1. “I think I’m dying!”
2. “
3. “
4. “I’m so ashamed of what happened next. After I’d taken it I thought, ‘This feels good’ and I took some more.” But then the drug took over. “My heart seemed to be racing fast, I felt hot and I began to panic,”
5. “The glamour babe is launching her own Book Club to boost literacy among children”
6. “
7. “My God, that’s it! That’s the end of us!”
8. “Katie, happily married to Peter Andre, has written a series of books including some aimed at children”
9. “Now her bombshell new book’s revelations back up the story of former nanny Becky Gauld, who was sacked in front of millions on the couple’s TV show, The Baby Diaries, for taking a holiday”
10. “I seriously thought, ‘Shall I end it all now? Drive into this wall and kill myself?'”
11. “The Mermaids & Pirates books feature characters Katie the Mermaid and Peter the Pirate”
12. “Pop star Peter was working on his music in their home studio and sad
13. “Go and have a w*** then, because I’m not doing anything!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Danielle Lloyd’s £2million Offer, With Nectar Points
AN advert on the Daily Star’s cover page: “DANI – £2m for my body.”
Might it be that Danielle Lloyd has been forced to pay for her own body, and perhaps unable to meet the bills from sprayologists, nip’n’tuckers and air brush enthusiasts, she is turning to the Star readers for help?
If so, dig deep, Star readers and keep Danielle’s body in the style to which it has become accustomed.
If Danielle cannot pay her bills, she will have to be scrubbed and unstuffed, leaving behind a shell of the woman we know as “Wasn’t she the nasty cow from Big Brother?”
Of course, we may have read the headline wrong. It might be that Danielle is offering her body to Star readers for £2million. In which instance “Trucker Danny” on the M25 wonders if she will accept nectar points.
Over to you, Dani..?
Posted: 16th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
