Posts Tagged ‘News’
The Pope: Now performing exorcisms, apparently
THE new Pope – Pope Francis, as everyone has clearly forgotten his name already, after watching him get unveiled like an X Factor winner on TV – has a fascination with the Devil. That goes without saying because, ostensibly, his entire job is to make everyone feel guilty and warn them away from ol’ Lucifer.
However, in some quarters, they’re saying his obsession with Beelzebub is rather peculiar and that he’s been exorcising people. One ‘leading’ exorcist insists that Francis helped “liberate” a Mexican man possessed by four different demons.
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Posted: 30th, May 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Football boss breaks into mystic’s house over love-spell
PEOPLE in football are all thunderous bores or terrifically crackers. Mercifully, we’re looking at the latter here with Jose Laparra.
Jose, who used to be president of Spanish side Club Deportivo Castellon, has been accused of breaking into his fortune teller’s home in a bid to reclaim the $180,000 he paid for a ‘love spell’ that apparently failed to work.
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Posted: 30th, May 2013 | In: Sports, Strange But True | Comment
Stupid criminals steal van filled with corpses
WE live to mock criminals on The Anorak because they can’t do a thing about it. If they’re good criminals, they’re still active and uncaught, so they’re not going to appear from their hidey-holes telling us how wrong they are… and if they’re bad, they’ll get doubly mocked.
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Popstar Laura Miller’s boob falls out during TV performance
REMEMBER when Janet Jackson had a perfectly orchestrated ‘malfunction’ with her wardrobe during the Super Bowl, when her boobie fell out?
Well, it has happened again, except this time, it looks like a genuine accident (albeit one that could’ve been prevented with, say, a bra or a top that actually fits).
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Posted: 28th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment
Dear Artists: Michael Jackson’s chimp is making more money than you as a painter
EVERYONE knows how hard it is to make a living as an artist. Painters live on the breadline in moldy bedsits trying to make it in the cruel artworld.
And all the while, Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s famous pet chimp, is raking it in. That will annoy the piss out of people won’t it? Bubbles has sold two paintings for £2,000 at auction. Imagine the amount of Drum rolling tobacco you could buy with that?
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Argentinian football fan throws his teeth at players in disgust
IN England, fans show their dissatisfaction by booing or throwing their season tickets at dug-outs. It is all rather quaint really. In the rest of the world, they really know how to do a protest.
You may recall someone throwing a whole pig’s head at Louis Figo in Spain, but an Argentinian fan beats that with sheer spontaneity, by hurling their teeth at the pitch in abject disgust.
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No-one wants to buy Gandhi’s blood for pacifist clone army
HE may not have spilled any blood in his lifetime, but famous pacifist Mahatma Gandhi had his blood on sale this week at a rather peculiar auction.
With his blood, you could create a charming, pacifist army, but alas, no-one wanted to buy his body fluid for the £10,000 reserve price.
Gandhi’s blood had been available after being placed on two glass microscope slides, like Dexter collects.
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Laura Fernee phd claims she is too pretty to work
AS everyone knows, it is hard finding a job at the moment. One lady is finding it particularly difficult because she’s just so good looking, in her own words.
Laura Fernee graduated with a PhD and worked in a laboratory for three years before quitting in 2011 and hasn’t had a job since. She says: “I’m not lazy, and I’m no bimbo. The truth is, my good looks have caused massive problems for me when it comes to employment, so I’ve made the decision that employment just isn’t for me at the moment.”
“It’s not my fault… I can’t help the way I look.”
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Posted: 22nd, May 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (5)
No News special: Lancaster University students get on a bus
WHAT news from Lancaster University? AlexSiddle tweets:
BONG! “Residents help Lancaster University research roadside particulate pollution”
BONG! “Billion-year-old water could hold clues to life on Earth and Mars”
BONG! “First, carbon footprints… now you can calculate your ‘nitrogen footprint’”
And:
BONG! “Staff and students get on the bus”
The weekend starts with misheard 90s lyrics!
THERE’S nothing quite like mishearing lyrics is there? Well, good news! Here’s a video, to kickstart your weekend, which looks at the hits of the 90s, which mishears all your favourite lyrics and shares them with you!
2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls takes a sinister, Operation Yewtree turn, while Britney Spears single ...Baby One More Time makes her look even more mental than usual.
Radiohead’s Creep becomes less of an anthem of disenfranchisement, and something more ‘base’.
And Hanson? Well, you’ll just have to see what they’re on about.
Have fun!
Posted: 18th, May 2013 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Watch the video of a stupid deer leaping through a bus window
STUPID animals are rife, but one dim-witted deer had a bloody lucky escape after being hit by a bus. Instead of dying, it ended up going through the window and wobbling around like Bambi.
The deer jumped across the path of the bus in Johnstown, Pennsylvania and smashed through the windscreen and was caught on video.
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Behold! The Irishman stuck in a baby seat in McDonald’s!
THE Irish are an unfairly maligned people, often jibed at for being a country of dimwits. However, like all national stereotypes, there’s always one berk on-hand to live up to it.
And so, we go to a McDonald’s in Cork (bring back the Oriental McRib, please) where a man managed to get himself stuck in a baby seat like a big buffoon.
Of course, the Gardai had to be called out and here’s the picture evidence.
“McDonald’s is aware of the incident involving a customer who decided to sit in one of our children’s high-chairs in Winthrop Street,” said a representative from McDonald’s.
“And as you can see, we recommend that children don’t use the high-chair without adult supervision!”
The man fulfilled another Irish stereotype while he was at it: He was reportedly drunk at the time.
Posted: 16th, May 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Homeless man proves Atheists are more generous than Christians and Muslims
RELIGIONS are often the first to point out how good charity is and that we should always reach out to those in need. However, one homeless chap has conducted an experiment which shows religious people aren’t taking their own advice.
The homeless man, as seen in a Reddit thread, bears a sign that says: “Which religion cares the most about the homeless?” There are nine begging bowls in front of him, each with money in them.
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Posted: 16th, May 2013 | In: Money, Reviews | Comment (1)
Idiots pictured carrying unexploded bombs between Worbarrow Bay and Tyneham
JESUS WEPT. Some people are dim aren’t they? Take for example, the two fellas who have been pictured carrying a pair of unexploded bombs in a park.
The Ministry of Defence has launched an urgent appeal to find two men photographed ambling through Dorset with two ‘unexploded bombs’ on their shoulders.
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Weatherman gets unfortunate case of the hiccups on air
HICCUPS are a pain at the best of times, but spare a thought for the poor sod who works as a weather presenter who got them while live on air.
Weatherman David Paul, who works for Houston’s KHOU-TV, endured nearly three minutes of throaty torment as he gamely ploughed through his report.
“I have the hiccups of course, this is what happens right when we have heavy weather. But bear with me,” he joked.
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Posted: 15th, May 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Which actress is unrecognisable without her bangs?
A SIMPLE haircut prompts most ludicrous fashion and tabloid writers to hoot about celebrities like they’re shape-shifting lizards, when really, it is just a human who fancied a change.
Endless columns are written, debating about whether a person getting some new clothes or a hairdo is a good thing or, indeed, what it suggests for their future.
Most of the time, it means absolutely nothing, just like a hair cut in the real world.
HOWEVER. Someone got their hair done differently and you can barely recognise them. Seriously. Like they’re a shape-shifting lizard or something. Look at this woman. Any idea who it is?
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Posted: 15th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
78,000 apply to live and die on Mars, because they hate Earth, clearly
SOME people hate Earth so much that they’ve applied to live on Mars, even though Mars looks like an arid death hole. More than 78,000 people from 120 different countries have applied to leave Earth, which frankly makes them traitors and we should round them up and boo them into oblivion.
The openings come from a new reality TV series from Dutch non-profit organisation Mars One.
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Posted: 10th, May 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology | Comment (1)
Car hit by flying toilet
DRIVERS will testify that driving itself, is pretty cool. The freedom of the open road, listening to tunes in your car and being free to go anywhere is one of life’s best pleasures. However, it is constantly spoiled by everything else.
You have to feel for the poor sod who was driving around, only to find that their wheels were hit by a flying toilet.
The driver was on her way to school in Thorndike, Maine, when out of nowhere, he motor was thronked by a portable toilet that didn’t have any business travelling through the sky.
Local chief deputy Jeff Trafton said she tried to swerve away from the large object, which flew out of a delivery truck. Ronnie Furrow may have a brilliant name, but he’s also responsible for the flying latrine, and has been issued a summon for not properly securing his load.
Mercifully, the toilet in question was confirmed as being clean, reports BDN Maine.
Imagine if it wasn’t. The teenagers turning up at school looking like a silage equivalent of Carrie would’ve ensured a bullying that would’ve lasted the rest of her waking days.
Posted: 9th, May 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Woman offers virginity to Burt Reynolds in video
ARE you a virgin? Ever thought of selling your virginity? Well, one young lady is offering hers to Burt Reynolds, not that she actually knows him.
And the 24-year-old doesn’t really have her virginity in tact, but rather, she has a ‘born-again virginity’, whatever that means. And Burt Reynolds can have it, free of charge.
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Posted: 8th, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comment
Robber thwarted by a face full of chilli
WHEN you’re faced with someone trying to rob you, it is difficult not to freeze in terror. However, that’s the polar opposite of Joanna Tarnoski’s actions as she dealt with Tyrone Holmwood, who got a little hot-headed.
Tyrone was trying to rob the till at a takeaway shop in Sydney, but it all got a bit too hot to handle for the bozo as he soon found he had a bucket of chilli on his stupid head.
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Car park demolished around a car
OVER in Shanxi, China, a demolition crew performed something of a bizarre, wrecking crew miracle. The demolished tonnes of concrete AROUND a car, leaving it without a scratch.
The demolition team had been waiting for the driver of the car to return to the area so they could crack on with work. However, after 10 days, they were so impatient that they couldn’t put it off any longer.
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Posted: 7th, May 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Kid confronts illegally parked police officer getting food and goes viral in the process
OVER in America, they have a funny relationship with the police. Basically, they revere and loathe their force in equal measure. Wait, that’s like every country in the Western world.
One difference is, is that Americans are much better at being wise-asses with their police, and a video of a 12 year old boy confronting a police officer has gone viral.
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Woman offered payrise to get branded for life with work’s logo
SOME people are thundering bozos and will do anything to get noticed. Take for example, the gasping simpleton that works for a New York real estate agency called Rapid Realty. RR are offering their staff a pay rise if they get a tattoo of the company logo. (On your arse? – ed)
In exchange for carrying a logo of a corporation, you get a 15% wage increase. Astonishingly, 40 members of staff have already taken up the offer.
One member of staff says it isn’t about the money. Robert Trezza says:
“I think it’s a good opportunity to show commitment to a company that makes going to work fun every day.”
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Posted: 2nd, May 2013 | In: Money, Strange But True | Comment
UN bozo poses with fake Bono
POLITICIANS love hanging around with pop stars don’t they? It gives them the chance to feel vaguely important and they hope that a little cred will rub off on them so they can impress their bosses or voters.
Well, one United Nations dignitary was left trying to prise his foot from his mouth after he tweeted a picture of himself with U2 frontman, Bono (Mr G8). Oh wait. It wasn’t Bono. It was a man dressed up like Bono.
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Posted: 1st, May 2013 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment
Women’s lingerie, on sale for men to wear
IS Mangerie a thing? If not, it is now as a company called HommeMystere has decided to make women’s lingerie for men. They’re offering things like thongs and padded bras, and hope to change the landscape of men’s underwear.
The Australian firm said their under garments include ‘comfortable men’s panties that really do fit, bra straps that don’t fall off the shoulder, teddies that don’t ride up halfway through the night and quality soft fabrics that feel great for all day wear’.
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