Let us chase Bigfoot in a blimp!

CLEARLY bonkers Idaho scientist with a potato for a brain is ignoring the catcalls from his peers as he bids to find Bigfoot. In a blimp.

And faculty member Jeffrey Meldrum is having the last laugh because Idaho State University has approved the proposal to find the mythical creature. Well done Idaho State University!

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 5th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

UFO enthusiasts don’t believe in UFOs

THE idea of UFOs is an excellent one. The thought that our failing species may be killed off by alien invaders, rather than our own incompetence, is a rather pleasing one. Also, UFOs give us the chance to look toward the sky with hope beyond fancy clouds. Without them, it’s either pollution or dying stars.

UFOs are, in short, ace.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 5th, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Doctors can’t find toothbrush in teenager’s body

WE’VE all swallowed things we shouldn’t in our lives, but one teenager took things to new levels of excellence by swallowing a toothbrush, whole.

Amazing.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 2nd, November 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Chris Brown wants to be a better person (just forget the tasteless Halloween outfit, okay?)

BELIEVE it or not, Chris Brown wants to be a better person and has admitted that he doesn’t blame the public for “hating” him over him beating the crap out of Rihanna.

“Having to get personal opinion back and having to gain personal success back… it’s not all the way back, you know?” said Breezy. “But it’s one of my most humbling experiences. I can’t hate people for making judgement on me or making a decision of liking me or not liking me. All I can do is try to be better as a person, and I’m good with knowing everything isn’t always going to be perfect.”

“The fan base that I have and the actual support is unreal to me. They’ve put me in a position to be able to help people and continue to do music and help my family, help my mom… I just want my fans to be able to identify, whether it be the ones that maybe could of had everything or they maybe blew their chance and they failed and didn’t know how to get back up.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 2nd, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Simon Cowell is willing to be beheaded, so he can live forever

HANDS up if you’d like to chop Simon Cowell’s head off. Quite a lot of you it seems. Well, he’s willing to let someone do it. No, honestly. See, the music mogul is convinced that it will help him live forever.

Don’t get too excited though.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 1st, November 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Chantelle Houghton tears Alex Reid a new hole on Twitter

ONE of the more uncomfortable relationships to clutter up the gossip columns has been that of Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton. Basically, she’s rather dim but sweet and Alex Reid is… well… a professional Thing To Occupy Some Space. Reid had Katie Price, showed himself off to be a cross-dresser and won some reality shows.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 30th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Hurricane Sandy is here because of those awful gays

THE weather is not something anyone can control, not that religious people understand. They’re like those people who wear lucky underpants, thinking it has any discernible effect on an upcoming football match (your pants/god has about as much influence as the lifeless mop in your kitchen).

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 30th, October 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Nuclear waste? Cancer? Shoot at it with the world’s biggest laser!

EVERYONE knows that laser beams are ace. They go PYOW! and ZZAP! and make things explode in a most entertaining manner.

And now, lasers are going to be aimed at things in real life thanks to the EU spending 700 million euros to build the world’s most powerful laser beam! So we’ll be seeing baddies and planets blown up, right? WRONG. This megalaser is going after nuclear waste and cancer!

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 29th, October 2012 | In: Technology | Comment

Army of Nazi raccoons defeat Germany

AMERICA are once again staking a claim of winning WWII, this time, with an army of raccoons. You heard right. The bushy tailed north American invaders were freed in the wild on the orders of Luftwaffe chief Hermann Goering, and now, they’re breaking into the houses of Germany seeking shelter and food from a cold snap.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 29th, October 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment

Hear the one about WWII remote controlled bomb-pigeons?

THE thing that really defines Britishness, is the man tinkering around in a shed, coming up with hare-brained ideas. And so, in that spirit, British secret services considered sending “radio-controlled pigeons” on sensitive missions after World War II, according to a diary from a top intelligence officer, which has just been released.

Guy Liddell, then deputy director general of MI5, was briefed on how the flight pattern of pigeons might be controlled by Captain James Caiger, who oversaw the Army’s pigeon loft. Yes really. Liddell believed it might be possible to control pigeons with electric beams. Seriously.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 26th, October 2012 | In: Flashback, Technology | Comment

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have tasteless, disgusting wedding

WHEN famous people tie the knot, they tend to throw their cash around a fair it. Of course, most celebrities prove the old maxim ‘you can’t buy taste’, but looking at Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, you kinda think that they seem like nice enough people and wouldn’t do anything too wrong when getting hitched.

What they didn’t bargain for is the taste of their mates.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 26th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Tom Cruise gets over divorce and starts suing!

ONCE you get over a break-up, take all your belongings out of bin bags and dump them at your mums, you start looking for people to kick. And Tom Cruise is looking for victims after his very public split with Katie ‘looking much better these days’ Holmes.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 25th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Ceefax and Teletext RIP

BEFORE the internet, there was a whole world of information to be found on Ceefax and Teletext. These blocky, but comfortingly amateurish graphics would adorn our pages with TV listings, horoscopes, music news and games. Bamboozle is surely one of the first interactive games a generation played? Channel 4 had Planet Sound, with John Earls heading up the editorial and providing a trusted, fanzine-style voice which music fans would devour with their Coco Pops on their TVs previously meant only for their Spectrums and Commodore 64s.

The BBC’s Ceefax was a little more safe than what could be found on other channels, but by no means loved any less.

Even though the whole thing looked hopelessly out of date in an age where video games are hyper-real and the internet is the place filled with every kind of graphic and photo you could hope for, there’s elements of Ceefax and Teletext that haven’t been bettered.

For example, the Now And Next (p120 or p606) television guide feature was a thing of wonder, minimising itself at the foot of the screen, allowing you to continue to watch television while weighing up which channel to hop to. And of course, subtitling was a glorious leap forward, with captioning on Freeview and Sky basically copying what Ceefax had done before.

For many, Teletext and Ceefax won’t mean a thing, but for that generation that truly embraced it, its passing should bring back a host of memories. Pressing ‘reveal’ on pages with no answer was always a thing people did, revealing stray code and such. Then there was the button which allowed you to enter a four number code, rather than the usual three. Stoners and the bored would endlessly tap in random digits in a bid to find secret pages. And this writer DID, and it appeared to be something to do with a premium rate phone game, regrettably.

It goes without saying that this old technology had to go, surpassed by the infinitely more useful internet. Smartphones and tablets effectively made Ceefax redundant. But that’s not to say we shouldn’t pay small tribute. After all, if it wasn’t for Nightscreen and the like, many of us would never have heard any jazz or muzak, ever.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 23rd, October 2012 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

Chris Brown: drugs and making girls cry

TEAM BREEZY will be thrilled that Chris Brown is in the gossip columns again, and no, this has nothing to do with Rihanna or him dumping Karrueche Tran.

Although it does involve a woman.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 23rd, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Q Magazine: Surely the most pointless music rag on Earth?

AWARD ceremonies aren’t anything to get excited about, unless you’re winning something. Notably, Q Magazine is a torch bearer for everything bad in music, namely, back-slapping and looking backward. And their awards underline that and how!

Winning this year, were the not-at-all-current Britpop bands Pulp and Blur as well as Muse (prog revivalists), Underworld (irrelevant since Beaucoup Fish), Emeli Sande (Radio 2 on legs) and further prizes going to Bobby Womack for album of the year and something for Dionne Warwick (hard to knock Dionne in fairness).

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Scotland Yard to investigate Jimmy Savile case after claim that some abusers are still alive

THE Jimmy Savile case has been, putting it mildly, thoroughly distressing. On one hand, you have abhorrent claims that a celebrity abused their power, good name, charity work and more, to sexually assault children. On the other,  you’ve seen a little piece of everyone else’s childhood die.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Is Jason Roberts right to protest against Kick It Out?

RACISM in football has long been an issue and one not dealt with even-handedly by football’s governing bodies. Wear Paddy Power underpants and get fined £80,000, being found guilty of racism and you get fined 30p. And so, unhappy at the feeble action of the FA, Reading’s Jason Roberts has decided to protest against anti-racism group, Kick It Out.

The striker believes the anti-discrimination body has failed to tackle racism. It is worth pointing out that racism is a bigger problem than football. It’s a bit like asking football to cure cancer. Kick It Out are doing their bit, but the football associations don’t seem to be.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 19th, October 2012 | In: Sports | Comments (11)

Flava Flav, in trouble with the law, for the millionth time

HYPE man for Chuck D in Public Enemy, star of the toe-curling Flava Of Love and a man who told us 911 is a joke, despite the fact he is consistently getting his collar felt by them for things he’s actually done wrong. No conspiracy here. Flava Flav is a loveable bloke, but a massive tool.

So, what’s he up to now? Well, he’s been arrested after allegedly threatening his fiancé’s son with a knife. After he’d finished clawing his way out of Brigitte Nielsen’s industrial knickers, he got with his girlfriend of eight years, Elizabeth Trujillo.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 18th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Reaction to Twitter’s block on German Neo-Nazi group

TWITTER has decided, for the first time, to block German’s access to the account of a neo-Nazi group. This is the first time Twitter has decided to act on a policy known as “country withheld content”.

“Never want to withhold content; good to have tools to do it narrowly & transparently,” said Alex MacGillivray, the company’s general counsel, posted on Twitter Thursday morning in Germany.

“It’s not a great thing, but it’s a way of minimizing censorship,” said Jillian C. York, director for international freedom of expression at the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a civil liberties group. “It’s better for Twitter if they can keep countries happy without having to take the whole thing down.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 18th, October 2012 | In: Technology | Comment

Bangladeshi labourer does amazing brick trick

THERE’S this idea among many Brits that ‘they’ are coming and taking all of ‘our’ jobs. This mainly concerns labouring jobs, where migrant workers come to Britain and work incredibly hard and get catcalled by Spesh swilling doleys who will find any excuse to not put a shift in.

Of course, there are examples in migrant workers being exploited and British grafters who can’t get a job, but being fair and even-handed isn’t nearly as fun as casting the net far and wide in the name of going, ‘eh readers?’

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 16th, October 2012 | In: Strange But True | Comment (1)

Girls Aloud: Getting back together, just so they can split up

LIKE it or not, Girls Aloud are just about the best pop-group that these isles produced after the Millennium, in a period where rock lost its way, dance music turned into a dubstep version of Kiss and pop ruled absolute. Girls Aloud kicked the door in, introduced fun that was hip and, for a period, put an end to all those dreadful bloody ballads.

And then they went away, had varying degrees of success with their solo careers (Nadine’s being particularly gruesome), with the threat of coming back and showing Stooshe & Co how you’re really supposed to be a pop outfit.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 15th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Daily Mail proves that Global Warming is a thing of the past, which is nice

THE Earth is no longer going to drown under the weight of melted poles according to the Daily Mail (although, Poles are still obviously a massive threat to the very fabric of some imagined Britishness), which is wonderful news for us all! We can now drive our cars and leave our TVs on standby without fear of making our gill-less children die in a human-imposed watery grave!

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 15th, October 2012 | In: Politicians | Comments (2)

Frankie and Benny’s get toddler blind drunk on whiskey

TREMENDOUS news parents! Eaterie chain, Frankie and Benny’s are getting your children drunk! We can all laugh as they slur their words, soil themselves, garble incoherent nonsense, waddle around flitting from gleeful to angry crying and… wait… that’s all children ever isn’t it?

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 11th, October 2012 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)

Epic video of Australian MP tearing sexism a new one

POLITICIANS are all slimy swine and no question, but over in Australia, they’re showing us all exactly we should hand them a smackdown. PM Julia Gillard (who once said “screw you!” to US Congress, so she’s not a woman to be trifled with) went to town on an MP called Peter Slipper.

Now, Peter Slipper is an ordained priest, has been accused of sexually harassing a gay man and is thought to have been rather ‘creative’ with his expenses. However, he’s now at the centre of a storm where he’s had his arse royally handed to him… AND THERE’S A VIDEO OF IT! Slipper referred to another MP as ‘an ignorant bitch’, amongst other comments.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 9th, October 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Arnold Schwarzenegger finally comes clean and admits to rather liking Hitler

FOR years, Arnold Schwarzenegger has denied that he ever liked Adolf Hitler. Fair enough you might think. Who wants to be the public figure who gives credit to one of history’s greatest monsters? However, now, he’s ready to talk about his admiration of Hitler because, effectively, everyone has a pretty low opinion of him anyway (especially after the whole secret love child with a nanny thing).

In his autobiography (called ‘Total Recall’, natch), Big Arnie says:

“I philosophized that only a few men are born to lead, while the rest of humanity is born to follow, and went from that into discussing history’s great conquerors and dictators,” Schwarznegger writes about a discussion with ‘Pumping Iron’ director George Butler. “I admired Hitler’s speaking ability, though not what he did with it.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 8th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)