Madonna takes on Elton John and just about everyone else in the world. Again.

NOW that Madonna’s pop-crown is slipping Lady GaGaward, largely thanks to her taking herself far too seriously and spreading herself too thinly, she’s remembered that nothing gets you column inches like a beef. Or numerous beefs. She’s beef mad, clearly.

The big story is Madge and Elton John are at loggerheads after the Golden Globes. Queen Bitch Elton said that Queen Bitch Madge ‘didn’t have a chance’ winning the award for Best Original Song. She promptly went and won ‘best song’.

This isn’t the first time they’ve fallen out. They spat at each other in 2004 after Elton accused Madonna of miming. After hearing about Elton’s ratings of her, she snarked: “Was he wearing a dress? Those are fighting words… OK, well, may the best man win.” After picking up the award for her W.E. song Masterpiece,Madge stated: “I hope he speaks to me for the next couple of years. He tends to get mad at me. I don’t feel bad.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 17th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kim Kardashian arranged her own proposal from Kris Humphries

ROMANCE. What do you make of it? Is it a beautiful, spontaneous thing that captures not only the moment, but your heart too? Not if you’re Kim Kardashian (and we thank the stars you’re not)! See, she likes things to be just so. And mercifully for her, she managed to snare a thicko who was willing to do exactly as she pleased. See, when Kris Humphries decided he was going to propose to Kim K, she wasn’t having any of it.

We still can believe that the whole thing ended in a sham of a marriage. Honestly. We’re crestfallen.

Either way, it appears that Kris Humphries told his friends and family that his soon-to-be ex-wife planned his wedding proposal to her so it would look good on her show, ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians.’ He proposed in Minnesota, but she rearranged it for him so it happened in her bedroom.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Vanessa Hudgens Wants Young People To Watch More Films

YOU may now her as That Disney Girl Who Appeared Naked On Your Internet After Some Self Taken Pictures Were Leaked, but Vanessa Hudgens is actually a serious thespian. And don’t you forget it.

And she really cares about the art of film making. So much so, she’s encouraging young people to watch a wide variety of films.

Get that young people? She wants you to watch more movies! What’s that? You wish people would actually make something worth watching once in a while? Fair enough.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 16th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna notices Lady GaGa fondness for her (with added MIAOW)

REMEMBER when Lady GaGa released Born This Way? Everyone had an opinion on it. People said it was brilliant, others said it was awful. The subplot to it all was: Did it matter that it leaned on Madonna’s Express Yourself so heavily?

Of course, Madge’s fans were apoplectic with rage, while GaGa fans didn’t care. But what does Madonna think about it all? Well, oddly enough, she has just passed judgement on it, vaguely showing her claws about it all.

Madonna said in an interview:

“I thought ‘what a wonderful way to redo my song’.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Banner to be Star Spangled by Kelly Clarkson at Super Bowl

AMERICA! The land of the free! The land of the burger! The land where sports events are billed to be worldwide, despite being only open to American competitors!

One such event is the Super Bowl which isn’t too far away. Of course, no sporting event would be complete without a celebrity singing the national anthem! So who will be cooing ‘Oh say can you see!’ at a crowd of pot-bellied nacho muchers, poised to yell “DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE!”?

Why, it’s Kelly Clarkson! That’s right! The singer of no fixed weight will perform the “The Star-Spangled Banner” at the Super Bowl on February 5th at the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 13th, January 2012 | In: Sports | Comment

$94k of unpaid taxes says Lindsay Lohan isn’t trouble-free just yet

AWW! Just when it looked like Lindsay Lohan was going to get her life back on track, a whole bunch of stuff keeps tapping her on the shoulder to remind her that, basically, she’s going to be in the bad books for the rest of eternity. Fact of the matter is, LiLo could be beatified by a pope and everyone would simply assume she’d been molesting nuns.

Poor Lindsay.

And now, drug problems, wild-childery, assault claims, dodgy tattoos, ill advised trysts and jewel stealery out of the way, she now got the tax man after her.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 12th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

One Direction’s Harry Styles in nude photo leak? Really?

WOAH! There’s a picture that is supposed to be of Harry Styles, with his wang-direction hanging out, floating around online. Effectively, it’s what every child in Britain has been waiting for. It’s what every adult woman has also been waiting for, but can’t say so, for fear of arrest.

The photo itself shows a naked young man stood in front of the mirror.

Crucially, the face is obscured by the camera flash, but that didn’t stop fans from shrieking about the mop of brown curly hair and dog tag, similar to that which Styles has been seen wearing in the past.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 11th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Russell Brand and Katy Perry reveal ordinary, boring, spiteful marriage

RUSSELL Brand and Katy Perry are getting divorced.

Marriage is supposed to the union of two people who are perfect for each other. A union of souls! Two hearts entwined! Alas, most marriages only serve to harvest resentment, lay trowels of gloom on your libido and inject jealousy and spite into your increasingly mundane life.

So, you have children to stave it off for a while, only for your children to add more spite and resentment to proceedings before you have a spectacular and ignored breakdown which screams inside you ’til your insides are deaf.

When celebrities get wed, they’re no different. Look at Russell Brand and Katy Perry. They let go of their wild past and settled down with each other. Of course, they could’ve been really cool and had a swinger’s marriage, but no, they opted for the whole ‘bitter and seething’ thing that befalls so many.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 10th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Justin Bieber Likes To Talk To God – God To Blame For Dreadful Music

MAYBE it is down to the fact that Justin Bieber is roughly 4 years old that he likes to talk to his imaginary friend. Lots of children have them don’t they? They run around with their little fingers wagging shouting “RED RUM! RED RUM!” in the most adorable way.

And Justin’s little invisible pal is called, charmingly, ‘God’.

He loves his imaginary friend so much that he’s got this whole story about him visiting Earth in the form of a man called ‘Jesus’. It’s adorable really. He’s even got a tattoo of ‘Jesus’ on his leg. Regrettably, the tattoo shows a man who looks like Brian Kilcline who used to play for Coventry City.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Snooki wants to “rape” Lady GaGa

RAPE. Hardly a laughing matter (quick! Someone tell those 6th form comedians who are under the assumption that saying ‘rape’ is a quickfire way to look ‘edgy’). In fact, there isn’t a single funny thing about rape. It’s just thoroughly horrible.

And oddly, Jersey Shore munchkin, Snooki, wants to rape Lady GaGa. No seriously. She said it herself via her twitter account.

She wrote:

“Is @ladygaga in la? Cuz I’d like to rape her before I leave. K thanks”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 9th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Ricky Gervais – the uncensored Golden Globes promise

MONGS! Does Ricky Gervais still like that word? We can’t remember. Either way, there’s a chance that Gervais will be hatching some other ill-advised impishness when he takes to the stage to present the 2012 Golden Globe Awards.

See, he made some brows furrow and bellies laugh when he performed his acidic turn at the 2011 bash. And Gervais agreed to host again this year, under the condition that he be totally let off the leash.

“I do it my way. I get final edit on everything. And everything I do turns out like I wanted,” Gervais says in Friday’s episode of the Today Show. “And they don’t know what I’m gonna say. And they won’t know what I’m gonna say till I say it.”

“I got it a bit wrong I think the first time. I tried too hard with the shtick, the comedy, and I should have just gone out there and done zingers, I think, because the attention span of someone at an award show, particularly the Golden Globe, is about a second.

“They’re drinkin’, they’re talkin’, they’re seein’ someone. You know, you’ve gotta grab their attention. It’s not a great place for a comedian to play because they’ve got other things on their mind. They’re there to see if they’ve won an award, but they don’t wanna see this guy come out and telling jokes. Certainly not jokes at their expense.

“I might even really be drunk…”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 6th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Sinead O’Connor: No longer getting divorced (this’ll end well)

MARRIAGE is a daft idea in the first place, but some people are determined to do it, which is fine and all. One person you’d probably advise away from it (as well as any sharp objects) is Sinead O’Connor who recently announced she was getting divorced after being married for roughly 82 seconds.

However, that’s all changed as she’s decided to get back with husband Barry Herridge in what promises to be the most on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off on/off relationship in human history. Either way, it was rutting like barnyard animals that got things back on track.

“Spent a beautiful evening of love making with none other than my husband,” the Irish rocker wrote on her website. “We decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend again and stay married, but we did rush [into marriage].” She then went onto predict that they will be “sickeningly happy” together and says she plans to meet with a marriage guidance wizard or something.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 5th, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Benedict Cumberbatch to play Khan in Star Trek 2

SHERLOCK is what Benedict Cumberbatch is best known for, but soon, he’ll be tackling the legacy of the mighty Ricardo Montalban (mighty mainly because of his funny name and the fact he wore a false chest in The Wrath Of Khan and starred in Crossroads) as he plays Khan in the new Star Trek movie.

Yessum, Cumberbatch has been cast in J.J. Abrams’ sequel to his 2009 “Star Trek” rehash.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 5th, January 2012 | In: Film | Comment

Lady GaGa is a Satan worshipper! Quite possibly!

BLOOD! Imagine it! Imagine it in a bath! Terrible eh? Now, it appears that Lady GaGa had a bath filled with blood in a London hotel for some reason. That reason, many are presuming, is part of some Satanic ritual.

Of course, this is exactly the kind of thing that Lady GaGa thrives on. She’s very keen for us all to believe that she’s as eccentric off-stage as she is on it.

A stunned hotel worker told website Truthquake:

“Lady GaGa left large amounts of blood in the suite during a stay this summer. The incident was reported to the concierge, who was told to put it out of her mind.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 3rd, January 2012 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Rupert Murdoch shows Twitter support to anti-gay marriage Rick Santorum

TWITTER has gained a Rick Santorum fan named Rupert Murdoch, leaving many to deduce that he’s going to try and buy it. Yeah. He did an incredible job with MySpace didn’t he?

Either way, he’s been spouting off like the rest of us… however, Murdoch has already been offending everybody. In his short time online, he’s already slagged off the whole of the UK, slighted Glenn Beck and, perhaps worst of all, shown his support for an American presidential hopeful who wants to nullify all existing gay marriages.

Murdoch said of Rick Santorum, the former Pennsylvania senator who is surging in Iowa polls, Murdoch tweeted Monday night: “Can’t resist this tweet, but all Iowans think about Rick Santorum. Only candidate with genuine big vision for country.” On Sunday he tweeted: “Good to see Santorum surging in Iowa. Regardless of policies, all debates showed principles, consistency and humility like no other.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 3rd, January 2012 | In: Politicians | Comment (1)

Billy Corgan: Wrestler And Tea Room Opener

CLEARLY out of musical ideas, Billy Corgan has forgotten all about that whole Smashing Pumpkins thing and decided to branch out a little.

So what’s he up to? Painting? All musicians think they can paint. Or maybe he’s scoring a musical? Nope. He’s not smart enough. Acting then? Imagine Billy Corgan in the lead role of a film, with his little cue-ball head and shrill voice. Not on your Nelly.

Oddly, Corgan is moving into the world of tea-cups and greased men pawing at each other in their swimming trunks!

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 30th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Sinead O’Connor wants three men and some skins please

MARRIAGE is, quite obviously, not a serious vow for Sinead O’Connor. She split with one husband back in April and then, just before Christmas, got married for 16 days and decided enough was enough.

After a caper around Vegas looking for a bit of weed and being handed some crack (the opposite of craic), Sinead realised that her drug-counsellor husband probably wasn’t happy about the whole thing. And then, kazowee! it was all over just like that.

So what next? Well, obviously, Sinead realises that marriage is not something she’ll want to repeat, and so, she’s looking for three men to fulfil her needs. Hardly surprising if you consider that she was soliciting for sex in an Irish newspaper column and asking people to go bum her via requests on twitter.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 29th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Taylor Lautner is massively not gay

GAYS! Sadly for you, it appears that Taylor Lautner is not down with the Wang Clan, despite the “out and proud” cover of People magazine which circulated around various social networking sites over Christmas.

You see, sadly for those of us who like more gays in the world (or at least the whispered mutterings that accompany such news), the cover has been outed itself as a raging fake.

The cover itself said: “Out and Proud: Tired of rumors, the Twilight star opened up about his decision to finally come out.” You can see it here for yourself.

People magazine had to come along and spoil the fun by setting the record straight, saying it’s “100 percent fake.” People spokeswoman Julie Farin told Reuters, “This began as a ridiculous Twitter joke that went viral.” Even Lautner, star of the Twilight films, himself spoke about it, tweeting: “So false!!! Don’t believe everything. Rumours = Lies.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 28th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kutcher begs Demi to let him have Christmas dinner at hers because he can’t work an oven

CAUGHT with his pants down on his wedding anniversary, you can imagine that Ashton Kutcher wasn’t that surprised Demi Moore promptly went about divorcing his famous arse. However, a little thing like that ain’t gonna stop the Kutch!

Just weeks after filing for divorce, Demi Moore has decided to try dating again, which is perfectly reasonable.

“Now she’s filed for divorce, Demi wants a bit of fun to make herself feel good again,” a pal reveals. That said, Ashton is willing to take her a step back and begged to be invited over for Christmas lunch! We assumed it was because he can’t be trusted with sharp knives and an oven full of gas, but it appears it’s a little more wholesome than that. And we know how Ashton loves a turkey (see acting career.)

“He’s told her he wants to spend Christmas with her and the girls,” says a source. “It’s 
a bit of a cheek but she’s weighing 
up what’s the right thing to do.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 24th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kirsten Dunst and the Christmas Restraining Order!

IMAGINE stalking someone who isn’t that famous. How sad would you have to be to follow the every move of someone who hasn’t really done anything good with their lives? Well hello stalker of Kirsten Dunst!

That’s right. Unfathomably, she’s got an extension of a restraining order to keep a French fan away from her until the new year. A man. A French man. Stalking her from Spiderman.

That man is Jean Christophe Prudhon and he’s completely mental. Apparently, he’s sent her more than 50 love letters and flew to the US in a bid to meet her, even confronting the actress’ mother on the doorstep of her home. Yep. Barking mad.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kardashian family unhappy about sweatshops which might be making their stuff

WHAT would you get a member of the Kardashian family for Christmas? Obviously, they’ve got the money to buy anything they want in the whole world, including you probably.

Well, how about accusing them of contributing to human rights violations by hiring a sweatshop? That’d be a nice present for them wouldn’t it? You may think not, but it gets them attention and, let us be honest here, that’s all they live for.

That’s right! Someone has accused the Kardashian family of using a Chinese sweatshop and now they’re preparing for war!

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 22nd, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Mournfully fold your best knickers away: Justin Timberlake is engaged to Jessica Biel

YOU may well fancy the very pants off Justin Timberlake and, as well you might. He’s obviously talented, charming, self-deprecating and – if rumours are to be believed – in possession of a rather large ‘lad’.

However, that doesn’t mean you needy fans are getting any closer to wooing him. In fact, you’ve never been further away because, sadly for you and your best frilly knickers which you were saving for JT, he’s apparently engaged to Jessica Biel.

That’s right. He was supposed to propose to you, but he’s gone and done it to someone better looking and much, much wealthier than you. Someone who doesn’t scream constantly at the very mention of his name.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 21st, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kim Kardashian admits marriage mistake at long last

KIM Kardashian, star of the Kim Kardashian & Ko 3D Christmas card, admits marriage was a mistake.

MARRIAGE! What a beautiful, rare and precious thing, right? Well, apart from the fact everyone gets married and that loads of them end in divorce. But still, huzzah for matrimony!

Of course, someone who got married for all of ten minutes was America’s First Lady, Kim Kardashian. So short was the marriage, that everyone pointed at it and shouted “PR STUNT! BOO! YOU’VE RUINED THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE AND NOW THE GAYS ARE GOING TO USE IT AS A JOKE AGAINST THE CHRISTIANS!”

Which they duly did.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment

America hates Steve Jones on X Factor

AMERICA is a notoriously difficult nut to crack and, if Robbie Williams couldn’t do it, then Steve Jones certainly can’t in his tenure as The X Factor USA role.

When the show returns for a second season, it seems the former T4 presenter will have to watch it on ITV2, nursing his P45 from Simon Cowell. Unsurprising really, given that he’s roughly as charming as a machine that makes cardboard boxes.

USA Today referred to him “as charmless as a Ken doll and even less animated.”

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 20th, December 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Christian Bale gets roughed up in China

KAPOW! Batman met his match in China as government security goons decided to rough up Christian Bale while he was trying to visit a blind lawyer. That’s right, a blind lawyer. Bale, star of the Dark Knight, said to unified Chinese officials in funny hats:

“I am here to see Chen Guangcheng.”

Then, a tiny scuffle ensued. See, why Bale didn’t say “I just want to visit a particularly lovely cafe I’ve heard about” is beyond us. Think about it. A tiny village is guarded by goons because of Mr Chen. What’s the stupidest thing to say when approaching them? ‘HELLO! I’M HERE TO DO SOMETHING YOU CLEARLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO! IS THAT OKAY? I’M A THESPIAN YOU KNOW? I WOULDN’T LIKE ALL THIS TO ATTRACT ANY ATTENTION TO ME! OH, IS THAT A FILM CREW FOLLOWING ME?‘

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 16th, December 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)