Posts Tagged ‘News’
DiCaprio Annoys PETA Who Want Jar Jar Binks Rather Than Animal Actors
IN his new film, Leonardo DiCaprio does something really, really awful – persists in having that Nearly Beard. However, it isn’t Leo’s goatee that has caused a kerfuffle, rather, PETA are going after him and calling for the actor to stop working with animal actors.
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Posted: 20th, December 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Platini Wants To Replace Yellow Cards With Sin Bins
REMEMBER when Michel Platini was nothing more than a wonderful, wonderful footballer? Those were great times. Platini would grace matches and do wonderful things and then he’d disappear until the next match.
Then, he became the president of UEFA and everything went wrong. Instead of stroking a football around and making grown adults weep with joy with 5 yard passes, Platini now talks a lot and doesn’t seem to ever want to fine teams for being racist in favour of crackpot ideas about… well… EVERYTHING.
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No Date Set For Digital Radio Switchover Because So Few People Care
DO you listen to the radio? Only at work or when there’s a football match on when you’re driving? Well, you won’t be forced into a digital switchover, as happened with television, because so few people actually bother listening to the radio that it barely matters.
It seems, such is the radio malaise, that everyone is still using analogue devices. Or the internet, of course.
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Posted: 17th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology, TV & Radio | Comment
How To… Party In Public At Christmas
CHRISTMAS is pretty much here and you’ll no doubt be going out and getting drunk and dancing and all that fun stuff. However, hate to break it to you, but you’re a nightmare.
You need teaching how to interact with the world when you’re partying through the Yule. So, with that, here’s some helpful tips that will ensure you’re not absolutely loathed by all of humankind through the festive party season.
Music
Chances are, you’ve been complaining about Christmas music on Facebook and Twitter solidly since mid-November. Suddenly, drunk, you get the urge to listen to a classic Christmas pop hit in a pub or bar. There might be a DJ on. You’re hammered at it is only 8pm so the DJs barely got their headphones on. Don’t bellow ‘PLAY SLADE!’ at them because, you terrific berk, they’ll be keeping that in the box ’til around midnight, when everyone is nicely drunk and game for something daft. It is a peak-time song. You peaked too early. Whatever you do, don’t get your iPhone out and offer to play it from that, especially if the only soundtrack is the pub jukebox. This makes you a dreadful arse doing no-one a favour.
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Posted: 17th, December 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Watch The Most Complained About Thing On TV In 2013
IF you want complaints, who should you go after? The working classes? No. They can take a joke and besides, they know corporations don’t listen to them at all.
Maybe the middle classes? That’d be stupid. They invented satire so they’d laugh it off, even if jokes at their expense made them cry inside for the rest of their comfortable days. How about posh people? Posh people are clueless and don’t waste their time watching television. They’ve got cellars to maintain and animals to shoot.
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Posted: 17th, December 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Top 5 Sign Language Moments That Don’t Involve Nelson Mandela
AFTER a man, stood onstage at Nelson Mandela’s memorial waving his arms around wildly, making up sign language as he went along, leaving deaf South Africans wondering if they were watching someone being attacked by invisible wasps, it got us appreciating what those who do sign-language can do.
They appear on TV, at press conferences and as groups of children during emotional renditions of songs at opening ceremonies. They even have sign language at some festivals now.
And, with absolute and maximum respect for what they do, they can be very amusing sometimes. With that, let us look at the Top 5 signing moments.
No. The massive charlatan at Nelson Mandela’s gig doesn’t count this time round.
Sign Language Meets Donk
Donk took over small towns for a summer and, due to the nature of such a heavy beat, it could actually be perfect for deaf people. However, they shouldn’t be denied the hilarious lyrics of ‘Put A Donk On It’. One signer on TV impressively kept up with the rapid fire lyrics. A lesser human would’ve been doubled up with body cramps one verse in. This is probably the best video on the internet.
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Posted: 14th, December 2013 | In: Key Posts, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comment
Spotify Launch Free Music Service For Mobiles
SPOTIFY are going allow users to pick specific songs for streaming on their mobiles as of next week in a new free service.
The Wall Street Journal have reported rumours of the new service and it is suggested that it will give you music based on your input, with users picking tracks and putting them in a playlist where you’ll be able to listen to them, on shuffle, for a limited number of listens. If your playlist isn’t long enough, Spotify will fill in the blanks with random tracks.
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Posted: 13th, December 2013 | In: Music, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Games Publishers Stick Up For Fans Against The Internet
THERE are a lot of companies who still don’t understand the value of fan-made tributes to their products. Prince takes all his stuff off YouTube as soon as he can and some movie studios get riled at clips of films been shown. However, one industry that really understands it is the world of gaming.
YouTube is awash with walkthroughs, compilation videos, nostalgia clips and more, all made by fans for fans. The gaming community understands that it is all free publicity and enables gamers to feel at one with the games they enjoy.
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Posted: 13th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Technology, The Consumer | Comment
‘Snuggle House’ Gets Closed Because Everyone Thought It Was Filled With Prostitutes
HAVE you heard of the unique business is Wisconsin called Snuggle House? Chances are, you haven’t. The idea behind the place was to offer snuggles to anyone who wanted one. For £37 an hour. You could have a little intimacy and get your hair stroked and then be on your way.
That’s slightly odd, but kinda nice, right?
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Posted: 12th, December 2013 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
At Last! Lie Detectors In Santa’s Grotto
FOR years, lying little swine have got away with lying to Santa, saying they’ve been good all year when in fact, their school reports say something very different.
At long last, children in shopping centres in the UK are being asked to take a lie detector test before being granted an audience with His Holiness, Father Christmas.
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Posted: 11th, December 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment
Top 10 Overpaid Hollywood Actors
MAKING films is a risky business. Why should anyone listen to your stupid story? To convince people, you need someone famous to sell it because, for whatever reason, we trust certain actors more than others.
However, some A-listers just aren’t worth the money as they’re not recouping costs for the studios. With that, Forbes looked at who the worst 10 were and, here they are, with examples of their dubious work.
For example, Adam Sandler commands $15m paychecks, which is great for him but not so much for the studios. Based on the actors last three projects, the list looks at earnings at the box office per dollar of pay.
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Posted: 10th, December 2013 | In: Celebrities, Film | Comment
BBC Defends Mandela Coverage Against 1,000 Loons Who Complained About It
IT is only when important figures die that you start to reflect and realise what you had before your eyes all this time. In Nelson Mandela, we had a Martin Luther King Jr. We had a Gandhi. We had a Malcolm X. Of course, these people were divisive, but everyone should applaud what they aimed to do – stop unfair, inhumane treatment of people who aren’t white.
To some Mandela was a terrorist. To most, he was a man who defied a racist regime, went to prison and stayed strong in his belief to do the right thing and, inexplicably, he managed it. Apartheid, initially a ghettoisation of people, dressed up all cuddly by White Supremacists as ‘helping us all to be better neighbours’ rather than ‘Hey! Black guy! Whitey will have where you’re stood, ’til the horizon, thanks! And we’ll kill you if you complain!’, was lead by Mandela and the whole world rejoiced because he never gave up in his quest to end segregation.
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Posted: 9th, December 2013 | In: Politicians, Reviews, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Kooky Wedding Video #305,389: Is This The Best Or Worst Ever?
AMERICANS, and no-one else on Earth, have decided to turn their weddings into blockbusting events, with people recreating the Dirty Dancing movie, doing the dance from Thriller and generally spoiling it for everyone with a variety of stunts that are worse than a thousand flashmobs.
And so, to Florida, where a couple – Adam Bohn and fiancee Michelle – got hitched and wanted to do it with a bang.
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The 8 Most Terrible Things We’ve Learned About Nigella Lawson
HUGE swathes of the press are incredibly excited about the Nigella Lawson court case because they’re getting loads of juicy information on her private life without having to rummage around in bins, tap phones or interview a soul!
Perfect for the modern, lazy hack.
However, it seems that no-one on Fleet Street has actually realised what is being revealed – that Nigella is actually very normal and that the life of a celebrity is crushingly similar to most people’s.
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Posted: 5th, December 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Manchester United Balls:Paul Scholes – 40 Years Old and Still Got Goals
PAUL Scholes misses the old days when he used to amble about on a football pitch, scoring some goals and scything other humans down who wanted to have a go with the ball.
He misses them so much that he still likes a kickabout. Of course, while all his Man Utd mates are doing really exciting things – The Neville Brothers and Nicky Butt are all coaching, David Beckham is stupidly famous and Ryan Giggs is [comment redacted thanks to injunction] – leaving ol’ Scholesy to wander around Oldham like he’s on the dole.
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And The Award For Most Baffling Letter To Santa Goes To…
SANTA is a busy man. First off, he has to get a load of occasional staff for the grotto, just like the Post Office do. He’s probably working them harder than Amazon too, but he’s got a sleigh that is propelled by flying elk, so he can do as he damn well pleases.
Let’s be honest here – Father Christmas is the Kanye of Yule. He’s bigger than Jesus and he knows it. He gets all the thanks and people leave him sherry and treats. What does Jesus get? Piss all.
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Posted: 3rd, December 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Sriracha Factory Photos: Worldwide Panic As Hot Sauce Apocalypse Nears
YOU may think this trivial, but there’s worrying times ahead for humankind as a judge as valued human suffering over Sriracha – the most wonderful hot sauce in the universe. If you’ve never tasted the sauce, you’re living half a life. To those who have, they put it on everything – meat, chips, toothbrushes, cereal. The little bottle, with that comforting rooster on the front… everything is better with a gallon of hot sauce.
Well, some judge has ordered that the company that makes Sriracha hot sauce has to shut down because local residents reckon the plant that makes it has produced fumes that burned their eyes and throats.
Of course, if they’d been gorging on this sauce in the first place, they’d learn to love the feeling of burning throats and eyes. The stupid great idiots.
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Posted: 29th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Watch An Exploding Sperm Whale And Puke
JUST eaten? Just about to eat? Thinking about eating ever again? You might not want to watch this lovely video of an exploding animal corpse.
Yesiree, we have a delightful reel of the special moment when a whale carcass explodes all over a marine biologist as he cuts it wide open.
This particular sperm whale was one of two that died after becoming trapped in a narrow channel in the Faroe Islands… and now it is trapped on the internet.
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Posted: 27th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
BBC Take Note – No News Should Feature Snow Photos
WE’VE seen them a million times – infuriatingly dull photographs of the weather. Sunrises, rainbows, a bit of rain, some clouds… they’re all stars of boring snaps. However, there’s one weather system that rules the tedious roost – snow.
Snow, of course, can be wonderful, but for the most part, it makes for lousy images because of its uniform nature.
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Posted: 27th, November 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Brits Are Most Adventurous Lovers, Says Sex Survey
THINK of some sexy people. The Swedes – they’re notoriously comfortable with their bodies, if soft pornography taught us anything. The Germans too. Seen how small their Speedos get? Or maybe some South American country is the sexiest? They’re all passionate and live in a perpetual state of shouting and arousal.
Well, thanks to a sex survey, we now know that the most adventurous when it comes to sex, the British have it. Presumably thanks to years of suppressing our feeling and dire weather, we’ve realised that every day can be a carnival in the sack.
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Man Swaps His Testicle For A Nissan 370
HOW much do your balls mean to you? Or indeed, do you sleep with a ball-having partner and have grown rather fond of them? Well, thank the stars you’re not seeing the car lover who is selling one of his testicles for £22,000 so he can buy a Nissan 370.
That’s right. A Nissan.
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Posted: 26th, November 2013 | In: Reviews, Strange But True | Comment (1)
Oh No! Major Character From Family Guy Gets Killed Off!
SPOILERS. Sorry, the first word of this article was so blunt, but there’s people out there who are so feeble, so jumpy, so gawpingly pathetic that they need to be told about the contents of an internet article, or indeed, absolutely everyone’s social media feeds, in case someone spoils a TV show or film for them.
Some people rant about spoilers for films that are decades old. You’ve have your chance buddy. Shit, or get off the pot.
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Posted: 25th, November 2013 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Gary Barlow Finds Twitter Q&A Session Rather Taxing
SINCE Take That hung up their microphones after their last tour, Gary Barlow has kept himself busy by starring on TV as an X Factor judge. He’s also recorded a new album that sounds like Mumford & Sons, which caused hipster folk bands to create a giant pyre of fiddles and ukuleles.
So, to promote the new LP, he took to Twitter for a Q&A. A chance for Barlow to hear from his fans, right? Well, sadly for Gary, he found that most questions focused on one thing – tax avoidance.
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Posted: 22nd, November 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
James Arthur Cancels All Engagements Thanks To ‘Exhaustion’, Which No-one Believes
HAHAHAHA! Yeah, right!
That’s the general consensus which met the statement that James Arthur is cancelling all his engagements after being diagnosed with acute exhaustion.
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Posted: 22nd, November 2013 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comment
Daniel Radcliffe Says Celebs Can’t Expect Privacy If They Go On Twitter
THANKS to Daniel Radcliffe, we’ve just finished rummaging around Rihanna and Limmy’s bins because, because he just gave everyone permission to be a nosy parker. He said that celebrities using social media cannot expect privacy if they’re posting updates around the clock.
This is why he has steered clear of social media. Presumably, the Harry Potter star has maximum privacy from paps and the like.
“I don’t have Twitter and I don’t have Facebook and I think that makes things a lot easier,” he told Sky News. “If you go on Twitter and tell everybody what you’re doing moment to moment and then claim you want a private life, no one is going to take that request seriously.”
He added that there were “certain things you can do to make it a lot easier on yourself” as a famous face.
“If you don’t, for instance, go to premieres that aren’t for a film you’re in, or don’t just turn up at other events and stuff like that, then that’s going to help to not fuel the interest”.
George Clooney, only last week, said something similar to Radcliffe’s views on social media, telling Esquire magazine that he couldn’t understand “why any famous person would ever be on Twitter”, adding: “Why on God’s green earth would you be on Twitter? Because first of all, the worst thing you can do is make yourself more available, right?”
Of course, it is completely fine for some people to not want Twitter, but really, you would’ve thought that two smart people like George and Daniel would’ve realised that being online isn’t the same as opening your front door to someone. By their reasoning, anyone on social media loses their right to privacy, even if they’re not famous and not tweeting about where they are and what they’re doing.
This all reeks of those times awful, dreadful, pretentious bands say that they’re not doing any interviews to promote their albums. What this actually means is that they’re not doing any promotion, to promote their albums.
Either way, those slebs not on Twitter – with any luck, the press will be so curious about them that they’ll end up getting their privacy intruded more than those who are online.
Posted: 21st, November 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
