Posts Tagged ‘News’
Snail grows in toddler’s knee – we’re all going to die
HERE at Anorak, we like to tell you about the demise of the human race thanks to our cousins in the animal world. Badgers have destroyed roads, tiny horses have started riding on public transport, rabbits are invading, Bigfoot is knocking about again and bears have started causing trouble in pubs.
Now, animals are hatching out of human limbs. We really are doomed.
Four-year-old Paul Franklin from California, fell over and grazed his knee. Nothing usual there. However, his knee soon became really swollen, so his parents decided to have a look at him.
Franklin’s mother, obviously not a qualified GP, had a go at the wound by giving it a good ol’ squeeze. And then she found a snail growing inside her boy’s leg.
She said:
“His knee was the size of an orange, and hot to the touch, and he’s limping. What came out looked like a rock – it was a black thing and I put it on a paper towel. It had whirls and I turned it over and it was a sea snail, and I just, like, had to laugh.”
The family has kept and named the snail, Turbo.
Meanwhile, little Paul Franklin is destined to a life of a waking nightmare, forever recalling the time when something was living inside him like Alien’s baby… and he’ll know that he was just a cog in a wheel, which would see animals destroying mankind once and for all.
Godspeed, young Paul.
Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Watch Atletico player telling team-mate where to ‘do’ injured Messi
GREAT footballers get kicked around. That’s always been the case. Look at the savage treatment doled out to Pele in the ’66 World Cup, kicked out of the competition entirely.
These days, the world’s favourite is Lionel Messi and with all cameras pointing at him constantly, this week we saw him being deliberately targeted by the players of Atletico Madrid. With Messi injured, there’s a video showing Diego Godin clearly telling a team-mate to ‘do’ the Barcelona forward.
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Is Chris Froome better than Bradley Wiggins?
TWO years on the bounce, and Britain has seen one of its own winning the prestigious, gruelling Tour De France. First came Bradley Wiggins, briefly making sideburns fashionable, cod-mod, into rugby league and bringing a certain swagger to proceedings. Thanks to this, he became a Knight, which is impressive.
Then, a year later, along came the determined, studious Chris Froome, unswervingly grateful on the podium with his yellow jersey, sincere, with a surprising sparkiness and fire in his belly.
However, the relationship between the two isn’t exactly great with the pair trading blows in a sport that brings out incredible levels of shark-eyed one upmanship.
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Posted: 4th, September 2013 | In: Sports | Comment (1)
Would you like to see John Lennon cloned back to life from a manky tooth?
THANKS to a preserved rotten tooth, a Canadian dentist wants to bring back the late John Lennon back via the scientific miracle of cloning.
Imagine.
Edmonton tooth-botherer, Michael Zuk, claims he has sent the Beatle molar (which he bought at an auction last year for $31,000) to Penn State University, where he says “scientists are considering ways to extract the genetic code from the fragile specimen.”
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Posted: 3rd, September 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Swan arrested as spy in Egypt
ACCORDING to English folklore, the people of Hartlepool once hung a monkey to death because they thought it was a French spy during the Napoleonic wars.
That kind of nonsense couldn’t possibly happen now, could it? Of course it could! You read the headline! A swan in Egypt has been detained on suspicion of being a spy.
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Manchester United fans start ‘Moyes Out’ campaign
MANCHESTER United fans have started a campaign to get David Moyes sacked from his role as manager at Old Trafford, a mere three games after he started work.
Two months of Moyes, and it seems some of the ManYoo fans have had enough.
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (3)
Is this the worst wedding proposal ever?
PROPOSING is a tricky business.
And so, to a man who decides to go into a shopping centre (glamorous!) with his girlfriend, before grabbing the mic like he’s Ghostface Killah, hooting sweet nothings at her as onlookers gawp and, presumably, a pal films.
So far, so typical.
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Don’t know what Twerking is? Let Morgan Freeman explain…
EVERYONE has learned a new word this week – ‘twerking’. Everyone is tittering away about it and saying ‘I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TWERKING IS!’, almost constantly.
And so, to clear things up, Morgan Freeman is going to explain what twerking is in a new video. And then, we’ll give you an instructional video.
In the video, Freeman says:
“The word twerking has now been added to the Oxford dictionary. Here’s the definition they gave: To dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner, involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance.'”
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment
Surprisingly, Catherine Zeta Jones splits up with the elderly Michael Douglas
NO-ONE saw Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas getting together. He, older than Mumm-Ra, she, precious and dead-eyed, made for one of the most unusual couples in Hollywood.
With huge surprise, it turns out that they are taking a break from their marriage.
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Posted: 2nd, September 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Man drinks corpse toe and gets $500 fine to boot
PEOPLE complain when they find a fly in their soup. Imagine for a minute, if you ordered a drink at a bar and there was a cadaver’s toe in it.
Well, one customer at a hotel was fined $500 after he swallowed a human toe at the bar.
The severed bit of corpse had been dropped into a shot of whisky as part of a tradition in Dawson City, Canada, where everyone is clearly mental.
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Posted: 1st, September 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment
Miley Cyrus: Shock as pop star dances provocatively in bikini
EVERYONE is talking about Miley Cyrus today. Why? Well, in a move which is incredibly unusual for pop stars, she danced provocatively while wearing not many clothes while singing a song.
Astonishing, huh?
Her now notorious performance at the MTV VMAs has, mystifyingly, drawn complaints… especially from a parenting pressure group over in America.
The Parents Television Council (PTC, who never complain about anything, honest) issued a complaint against the channel over the 20-year-old’s routine and said that the show should not have been rated as suitable for 14 year olds, adding: “Heads should roll at MTV.”
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Posted: 27th, August 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comments (2)
Bigfoot is real! Maybe! Watch this Sasquatch video and decide for yourself
NUTTERS will be going Sasquatch mad again as a video has appeared online which appears to show Bigfoot mooching around on top of a massive hill in the Canadian wilderness.
The short clip shows a large hairy ape-like creature, tootling across a forest hilltop before disappearing out of sight.
So it must be Bigfoot, right? There’s no other explanation.
Funnily enough, this clip saw the light of day after being released by the developers of augmented reality adventure app, Legend Tracker.
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Posted: 19th, August 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Moyes complains about imagined anti-Manchester United conspiracy
WHEN David Moyes was announced as the new Manchester United manager, many wondered if he’d be the perfect fit for the club. Thanks to his complaints about an imagined conspiracy against the Red Devils, it is clear that he’s a dream appointment.
Moyes has hit out at United’s opening fixtures, hinting that this is all a deliberate ploy by the Premier League to give them a tough opening.
In amongst their first five games, the champions have to play Chelsea, Manchester City and Liverpool. Of course, they’d have to play them at some point anyway and they should quit whining, but there you go.
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Posted: 17th, August 2013 | In: Sports | Comments (2)
Hemel Hemstead is the ugliest place in UK
CITIZENS of Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire. Great news. Your little new town has been named the ugliest town in the whole of the UK. It’s worse than places in the Lake District that are freezing, inhospitable dung heaps. Worse than entire Scottish towns made from heroin. Worse than that great wheezing soot pipe that is London (surely Manchester? -ed).
The poll, run by website Crap Towns Returns, counted the votes and the Hertfordshire town came out on top!
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Channel 4 turns One Direction fans into its latest freak show
NO-ONE loves music more than teenagers and, no-one loves One Direction more than teenager girls. With that, Channel 4 decided to air a documentary about 1D’s fans, painting them in a less than flattering light. That’s Channel 4’s forte at the minute, mocking people who need a council house, can’t speak English, are part of the travelling community and people on benefits.
If you’re working class or foreign in Britain, you can thank Channel 4 for turning your social media feeds into something akin to a UKIP rally.
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Posted: 17th, August 2013 | In: Music, TV & Radio | Comment
Russian athlete defends anti-gay laws
RUSSIA’S anti-gay laws are, clearly, bloody preposterous. Quite why Putin & Co would be so worried about who-fancies-who is beyond any logic or reason. Making the whole thing weirder and worse is that small matter of the Sochi Winter Olympics, a tournament steeped in corporate bon homie and a woolly notion of oneness and togetherness.
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Posted: 17th, August 2013 | In: Politicians, Sports | Comments (3)
1 in 10 couples haven’t had sober sex for 6 months
BRITISH people, as we know, are furiously repressed and get weird at the mention of genitalia and certainly come over all funny at the thought of having to be naked around others.
With that, a new survey discovered that one tenth of couples in the UK haven’t had sober sex in over six months.
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Jeremy Paxman issues beard statement to the pognophobic BBC
THERE has been quite the hubbub about Jeremy Paxman and his beard this week, with some people near-orgasmic in praise, while others somersaulting in disgust.
The real news is that, current affairs aren’t as interesting as a TV titan growing a bit of fuzz.
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Posted: 14th, August 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Worinelve! The latest instalment of Wolverine, apparently…
DOES anyone fancy going to the cinema to watch Human Ghjac in the latest blockbuster, Worinelve? Obviously, you haven’t heard of either of those things, but look at the photo of this prime cock-up and you’ll learn more.
And there we have it, a bus-sized balls-up where one advertiser will be annoyed at Stagecoach making a hash of their paid-for advertising… although, with this surely on the cusp of going viral, maybe we’ll see all future film ads being garbled in such a manner.
Now, where can we get Human Ghjac’s autograph?
Eddie Shah says underage girls can be blamed for some rapes
TODAY founder, Eddy Shah, has said that under-age girls who engage in consensual sex can be “to blame” for any rapes that come their way. He was offering his opinion on the subject after he was cleared of raping a schoolgirl in London hotels when she was between 12 and 15.
He said:
“Anybody walking down the street can point at a celebrity and say, ‘he raped me’. If we take the pop groups and people of the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, who everybody knows that women were throwing themselves at them – young girls who looked 17, 18, 19 and 20…
“Rape was a technical thing – below a certain age. But these girls were going out with the pop groups and becoming groupies and all the rest of it, and throwing themselves at them. You cannot put that down to the fact they’ve been abused.
“Young girls and young men have always wanted a bit of excitement when they are young. They want to appear adult and do adult things.”
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Posted: 14th, August 2013 | In: Reviews | Comment (1)
Lionel Messi signs for English club
PUT a dream football team together and, chances are, a few of the same names will crop up. Pele, Maradona and Messi will inevitably appear as people argue about formations with pepper pots, squabbling about who should sit behind the forwards in a free role and whether or not to play a midfield sweeper.
This isn’t the stuff of fantasy though.
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Russian State TV says gays have hearts that aren’t fit for life
RUSSIAN politicians hate gay people. Quite why, it isn’t clear. Have they even heard Mighty Real by Sylvester? Clearly not because that’s the greatest pop song ever made and on impact, it turns even the worst git into a whirling disco machine in love with gay culture.
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Posted: 13th, August 2013 | In: Reviews | Comments (2)
A bear walks into a bar… (video)
WE’VE all the joke that starts with ‘a horse walks into a bar…’, but what about a bear? Well, this is no joke as, over in Colorado, CCTV cameras caught a bloody great beast wandering into a pub!
The bear tootled in through the back door of Lonigans bar in Estes Park and was, bizarrely, largely unnoticed by customers before leaving minutes later.
“I tried to holler, ‘Bear!’ so people could hear me. They were oblivious. He kept wandering up to the middle bar where all the patrons were,” area man Daniel Lyell told CBS Denver.
Owner David Callahan added:
“Nobody even knew it was there, I just missed seeing it. I was cleaning up and had just taken out the trash.We are in the Rocky Mountains, it’s their territory, not ours.”
Have a look here:
Posted: 8th, August 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
Man comes up with fabulous excuse for being with a prostitute
IMAGINE, for a minute, you’re caught with a prostitute. You suddenly need an excuse and your brain kicks into gear. What would you say? ‘Actually, I’m conducting a questionnaire about sex-workers for a national newspaper and there’s nothing funny going on here.’ Or maybe ‘I hear a female voice in distress and came to see what the noise was about… and there’s nothing funny going on here’.
Or even: ‘I thought it was Russell Howard, so obviously, there’s absolutely nothing bordering on funny going on here’.
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Posted: 8th, August 2013 | In: Strange But True | Comment
News anchor wears tampons for earrings
REMEMBER when Texas became the most stupid place on Earth after they decided they wanted to make women’s minds up for them concerning their wombs, and then, as further idiocy, confiscated tampons and the like at further hearings?
Well, Americans weren’t standing for it and told them to stop being dicks.
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Posted: 2nd, August 2013 | In: Strange But True, TV & Radio | Comment
