Technology Category
Independent news, views, opinions and reviews on the latest gadgets, games, science, technology and research from Apple and more. It’s about the technologies that change the way we live, work, love and behave.
Jake Lee Buys The First apple iPad In The UK And Everyone Loves Him
JAKE LEE becomes the first person in the UK to buy an Apple iPad. Jake, 17, from Theydon Bois, Essex, was spotted leaving the Apple Store in Regent Street, central London, after buying the new Apple iPad.
Jake looks delighted as throws off the austerity of his parent’s generation and forks out a few hundred pounds for a new computer. One day – hours, maybe days, from now – Jake will look back and say:
“I was there. I was there when apple iPads went. I queued. I shopped. I plugged it in and on it read about a new apple product even better than the iPad. I put the iPad in a draw and dashed out to buy thsi new marvel. But it was not yet in the shops. I twitched with anticipation. I made Steve Jobs richer!”
Anyone unable to afford the iPad, can achieve the same effect by sticking a huge apple logo to their face and writing “I am a posing, superficial knob” on the foreheads in felt tip.
Apple users will nod and wave. Because they know…
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Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (4)
Win A New iPad And Get A Free Mobile Apple Idiot App.
THE Apple iPad is on sale, and anyone keen to look like an utter twat is lining up outside the Apple store in London’s Regent Street. The iPad is not just a massive phone, a big baby activity centre for people who shun work on the computer, preferring to spend hundreds of pounds on a new way to read the paper and buy new apps for their iPhone. The iPad is made for posing, sad tosspots looking for a new way to show everyone what a needy pillock they are. Thanks to the iPad, you can now spot the superficial from at least a hundred paces. The mobile idiot app is upon is. Look for the Apple…
Buy the iPhone 4 and other Apple devices from Phones4u
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Posted: 28th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (19)
People Worried By Facebook Privacy Join MyPinNumber.co.uk
MARK Zuckerberg’s Facebook is going to take your privacy issues seriously. All those millions of you that uploaded photos of your mum, your kids, your home, your collection of toenail clippings, listed your likes and dislikes, told us your mother’s maiden name, your height, commented on your sex life and your pet causes and showed off your friends can now rest assured that your privacy is sacrosanct.
Now, you’ll be able to make your stuff private by clicking a box saying “private”. And it will be private, visible to only Facebook company workers and whoever gets into the system.
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Posted: 27th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Woman Claims 3D Porn Film Made Her Pregnant
TECHEYE’S Dean Wilson brings news of the woman made pregnant by a 3D pornographic film:
“US military man Erick Jhonson came home from a stint in Iraq to find that his wife was pregnant. Clearly he assumed she had an affair, but his wife Jennifer claims the “other man” was actually someone a little less physical.
It seems he actually buys her story, however. “I see it as suspicious. The films in 3D are very real. With today’s technology, anything is possible,” he said.
What’s even more interesting is that both Jennifer and Erick are white, but the child is black. Jeniffer claims the kid looks like the black pornstar she had been ogling. She also claims this was one of the first times she’s watched porn and only went with friends for the 3D effect. TechEye did a survey of one person and found 100 percent would say the same thing in a similar situation.”
Says Spotter Bat E Bird, “I don’t care if it’s made up – it’s hilarious.”
Posted: 26th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
New Fiat Advert Is A Spit Roast For Our Sexy Minds
THE new Fiat will fuck with your mind, and blow it, too…
Spotter: Nerdcore
Posted: 21st, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Family Kill Themselves Inside French Woman Zoé Renault
MEET Zoé Renault, the woman who shares her name with a new car. Zoe has hired a lawyer to protect her name.
Says David Koubbi:
“You will easily understand that, having maturely reflected on the first name they wish to give their child, parents cannot tolerate seeing this first name made commonplace and used for … marketing.”
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Posted: 21st, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (2)
ROFL: How To Create A Mainstream Meme
WHAT makes one meme a hit and another a miss?
The Kanye West Meme Gallery (Updated)
Posted: 12th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
British Man Becomes World’s First Person Convicted For Sending A Tweet
NOT too much giggling in court please as Mr Paul Chambers, 26, is found guilty of sending a menacing electronic message via Twitter. When Robin Hood Airport was shut due to snow, Chambers fared the worst. He had arranged a date with woman he had met via Twitter. He was to jet to Northern Ireland to Tweet her in person.
Chambers, aka Crazy Colours, Tweeted:
“Crap! Robin Hood Airport is closed. You’ve got a week and a bit to get your s*** together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!”
Chambers says his Tweets were “innocuous hyperbole”.
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Posted: 10th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Gumball Rally 3000 Hits New York: Faisal Shahzad Gutted
THE Gumball 3000 rally rolled into New York, having jetted into from Stockholm. We saw the carnival of wealth leave London (pictures). Then it reached Vermont, having driven around the world by, er, plane. Xzibit squeezed his eyes into a slat and gave the race two points. Jodie Kidd showed that you don’t have to very rich to have brilliant car, but it might help you fill it up. Julie and Maximillian Cooper looked the part. Jenny and Vincent Ferraiuolo got married at the end of the rally. And Faisal Shahzad wonders why he didn’t wait a few days and trade in his SUV for something with a bit more bang for your buck….
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Posted: 9th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Fail: Volvo’s Collision Warning With Auto Brake Crashes Into Truck
TO the Volvo press coneference to marvel at the auto brake on the 2011 S60. The blurb trumpets:
“Volvo’s new Collision Warning with Auto Brake automatically brakes the car if there is an imminent risk of a collision with a moving or stationary vehicle. The system starts by alerting the driver and preparing the braking system for emergency braking. If the driver does not respond despite the warning, the brakes are automatically applied.”
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Posted: 9th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment (1)
Gumball Rally 2010 Arrives In Vermont: Pictures
THE GUMBALL 3000 Rally arrives in Vermont. Tony Hawk and Eve were dressed by real sheiks in Vermont, USA, as part of the race which is due to finish in New York on May 7. London to New York by car. And, er, by plane…
Gumball 3000 Rally In Pictures: A Carnival Of Wealth
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Posted: 7th, May 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
In Pictures: World’s First Robot Arm Heart Surgery
KENNETH Crocker, 70, from Burton on Trent, is the first patient to feature in a remote heart operation. The operation was carried out by surgeon Dr Andre Ng, consultant cardiologist at Glenfield Hospital and senior lecturer in cardiovascular sciences at the University of Leicester. He will be using a robot arm.
The system was used to correct a ‘short circuit’ in the heart of a patient that was beating too fast. Surgeons at Glenfield Hospital in Leicester identified a rogue piece of conducting tissue that was burned away with a wire probe. The procedure involves using an X-ray to steer a thin tube called a catheter through veins from the groin to the heart.
And how was your day?
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File photo dated 28/04/10 of Patient Kenneth Crocker, 70, from Burton on Trent, before the world's first remote heart operation carried out by surgeon Dr Andre Ng, consultant cardiologist at Glenfield Hospital and senior lecturer in cardiovascular sciences at the University of Leicester, using a robot arm.
Posted: 29th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
What You Get When Surfing Porn In Dubai And The UAE
IF you are looking for porn, Facebook and lots of other stuff on the web in the UAE, including that fascist kingdom of sand and cement that is Dubai, you get to see this. Although, you can join HH Sheikh Mohammed on Twitter…
Spotter: reader Cath. B.
Posted: 23rd, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
The New Samsung 3DTV Is The TV That Can
CAN 3D imropve TV? Can making everything look real make dire telly better more entertaining and informative? Will you dive left or right to save or dodge Wayne Rooney’s shot?
Will Phil Mitchell swing for you and miss? All entertainment can be improved upon with modern technology.
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Posted: 22nd, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
How To Stop Wild Boars Killing German Drivers
FOLLOWING our gallery of animals taking on people – and winning – news reaches us that there are so many wild boars in Europe that worries are that drivers will crash into one.
German car club ADAC has conducted crash tests on boars. No, not real boars, but big plastic ones. Or, so they say…
In 2009, 27 people died and 3,000 were injured last year in collisions with deer, boars, rabbits and wildcats. The advice is:
“If a wild animal appears suddenly, apply the brakes as hard as possible, keep a tight grip on the steering wheel and stay in the lane. In the worst case scenario, a collision with the animal has to be accepted.”
Posted: 21st, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (7)
The Most Useless IPad App Ever: The Daily Express iDiana
THE iPad will revolutionise everything in the media. If it can fold up, cost a few pence and have an emergency toilet paper function, the iPad can replace newspapers. For now, it can enhance the Daily Express.
With the Express app. you cutting-edge tech kids can keep up with your favourite read.
You need never miss a story on Our Maddie, Princess Diana’s latest haircut or thieving gipsy scum begging for nuts and children in your lounge.
Spotter: Bitter Wallet
Posted: 16th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Why The 2010 Lexus GX 460 Is Being Recalled
YOU know when we told you that the Toyota Lexus wasn’t safe and liable to smoke and run out of control without a driver? You know that picture, reproduced now for your perusal?
Well, news is that Toyota will stop selling 2010 Lexus GX 460s for a while because it runs a risk of tuning over on sharp turns. And then there’s the smoke…
Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Twitter Ads Look Just Like Twitter PR
TWITTER has taken months and months of brainstorming and hard creating to comes up with a way to make money from the thing. And it’s come up with… interspersing your Tweets about your latest book/record/ thought/dump with ads.
Yep, it’s time to commericalise the PR.
Of course, what it should have done is… Well, I’ll save it for the Twitter page. When we get to 1 million fans, we’ll reveal all…
Spotter: David Berkowitz
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Breaking: Lexus In Recall Fire Alert
THE news advert for the Toyota Lexus Lexus revels a hidous fire peril. Recall! Recall! Recall!
No smoke without fire, right? No smoke without driver!
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Stephen Timms, Minister For Digital Britain, Says Your IP Address Stands For ‘Intellectual Property’
THE Digital Economy Bill was passed by technology illiterates, not least of all, Stephen Timms, the Financial Secretary to the Treasury and Minister for Digital Britain, who in a letter dated “32 Feb 2010” says “IP” stands for “Intellectual Property” address and not Internet Protocol.
The full letter is repeated for you to enjoy:
Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Technology | Comment (1)
Stockport Couple In Passport Sex Swap Shocker
ON Marilyn Walker’s passports there’s a picture of her husband, Terrence Walker. Says she, of Cheadle Hulme, Stockport:
“I was flabbergasted. I thought I had picked up my husband’s passport by accident and then I saw it said Marilyn Walker. I couldn’t believe they would make such a simple mistake.”
She adds:
“It makes me wonder what’s happened to my pictures. They could now be on someone else’s passport.”
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comments (4)
Greg Packer is Mr FIRST The iPad, Harry Potter, New York Giants Screamer
GREG Packer is the man at the head of the line to buy an iPad. Expects – get his – there’s no line. With his iPad, Mr Packer can list how many times he screams “FIRST” at a shop assistant.
Greg Pecker is Mr FIRST. His list of FIRSTS:
•The Super Bowl victory rally for the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2006
•The Super Bowl victory rally of the New York Giants
•The 2005 release of the novel Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
•Bill Clinton’s first book signing
•Greeting President George W. Bush after his inauguration
He at the Apple store in New York. Mr Pecker reminds Anorak of the time I, ahem, happened to be near Westminster Abbey for the big Princess Diana send off. A trip to the loos behind the Foreign Office and an overheard chat:
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Posted: 2nd, April 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
The Incredible Non-Starting Starting Autin 12/4
IN the Don’t Make Them Like They Used To story of the week, the Daily Mail brings news of the Austin 12/4, not driven since 1961.
Says the Mail:
Rare Austin which stood in garage for 50 years discovered… and starts first time!
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Posted: 30th, March 2010 | In: Technology | Comment
Gmail Boss Eric Schmidt Remembers To Always Delete His Emails
ERIC Schmidt, the CEO Eric Schmidt of Google, owners of YouTube, says in a court case investigating alleged copyright-infringement against Viacom, that he doesn’t keep his emails.
“It has been my practice for 30 years not to retain my e-mails unless asked specifically. It was my practice to delete or otherwise cause the e-mails that I had read to go away as quickly as possible.”
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Posted: 30th, March 2010 | In: Technology | Comment (1)
Google Used To Solve Crime in Bromsgrove
TO Aston Fields, Bromsgrove, where Google Maps takes on the case of the cyclist struck in the head by an object tossed from a van. The Bromsgrove Advertiser reports:
The van is said to be a white Ford Connect with large lettering on the side of it, possibly including the letters CCS and some smaller letters, which may have included the words ‘law enforcement’.
Interesting. And in the spirit of civil order we tell you:
Anyone with information is asked to call Bromsgrove police on 0300 333 3000, quoting incident 729-S-220310, or crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.
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Posted: 26th, March 2010 | In: Technology | Comment (1)
