David Hasselhoff, Jay Leno And Elle McPherson Launch Jaguar XJ

ANORAK’S man in leatherette gloves and smelling of bottled pine has been to the launch of the new Jaguar XJ, along with his good pals David Hasselhoff, Jay Leno and Elle McPherson.

Before the gallery, Anorak reveals the contents of Elle’s voicemails, as monitored by our undercover Pernod Journo:

“Get me noticed, you *******”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (3)

Reliant Land Speeder Races Aston Martin Cygnet

RELIANT Land Speeder races an Aston Martin Cygnet… and wins:

From Yampster in the Forums:

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, July 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

China’s Intranet Internet Bans CNN And Digg

CHINA Telecom loosk to be blocking “unhealthy” content, popping up a green damn to stop the viewers seeing things like CNN and Digg. The message claims to be from “mommy and daddy“.

China is your family now.

On Danwei, readers react:

The notice asks you to enter a password if you want to see the “unhealthy” content, and says that it’s a notice from “mommy and daddy.”

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, July 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Child Porn Hidden Amid Swiss Hip-Hop

CHILD Pornography and Swiss hip-hop. In the big list of all the world’s evils, these are two of the Top Five.

As the Independent reports:

Child pornography was downloaded from a Swiss hip-hop music website to around 2,300 computers in 78 countries, Swiss police said on Monday.

Jean-Christophe Sauterel, a police spokesman in the Vaud canton of Switzerland, said videos of minors engaged in sexual acts were hidden in a Swiss site where the principal content was “perfectly legal.”

Anorak

Posted: 30th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)

The Aston Martin Cygnet

IN the Anorak Forums, Yampster looks at the Aston Martin Cygnet, and weeps:

We’ve put up with a lot in this country since the war. We’ve seen the loss of the Empire, we’ve seen Sterling drop from it’s position as one of the world’s safest, most trusted currencies. We have seen our once proud Navy reduced to a couple of armed trawlers in the Straits of Hormuz.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (5)

Habitat Opens New Store In Iran By Twitter

HABITAT is like Ikea in wood. And the furniture store is on Twitter. But if any companies are looking to use social networks to reach their customers and attract new ones, this is pretty much a masterclass in how not to do it.

1. Open a Twitter account.

2. Twitter about the, er, riots in Iran.

3. Anyone found Maddie yet? If she’s still news, Twitter that too…

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Japan Satellite Transmits Pictures As Crashes Into Moon

THE Japan Aerospace and Exploration Agency releases high-definition video from the Kaguya moon probe as it about to crash.

Did you see that? The naked woman…

JAXA via Pink Tentacle

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Girl Electrocuted Using Twitter

Girl electrocuted using Twitter:

TWITTER is the greatest tool in the history of mankind ever. Iran will be saved by Twitter. Problem is that Twitter is one up for the grunt. But Twitter can be dangerous. Get this story of the girl who died Twittering:

A teenage girl was electrocuted after dropping her laptop into the bath as she twittered in the tub.

Police said they believed Maria Barbu, 17, had tried to plug in her laptop with wet hands after the battery died during a long session on social networking site Twitter as she took a soak at her home in Brasov, central Romania.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)

Iranians Rely On Israeli Technology To Reach The Internet

IN Iran, what Andrew Sullivan calls facists and Old Mr Anorak calls humanity or communists or any other ists and isms that seek to control, the Israelis are speaheading the drive to freedom:

Fring, an Israeli social network toll, is workign for Iranians. Sky News:

The protesters have been using social networking sites like Twitter to communicate, which the Government says it has now blocked.

Yet, using tools like Fring and some ingenious other methods, Iranians are proving adept at circumventing the authorities’ electronic road blocks.

Still we have The One to protect and do the right thing for his country’s allies:

Anorak

Posted: 18th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

London University to offer a degree in Twitter. Essays just 140 charactars long!

Everyone in Iran uses it, BBC radio presenters bang on about it incessantly and mega celebs use it to throw crumbs to their adoring fans. Yep there seems no stopping the rise of Twitter.

Well soon you’ll be able to get a degree based around the microblogging sensation (BA Hons Twit IIi?) as City University – a fairly decent academic establishment according to my old UCCA handbook, is going to offer students course in Twitter Studies.

Well, except that the course is called an Information, Communication and Society MSc and it focuses on teaching graduates to learn how to use digital materials such as social networking sites as effective comms tools.

According to PR Week – the course will begin in September and is aimed at political campaigners, PR ­professionals, marketers and tech analysts.

It’ll be the most popular course in history if each essay is limited to 140 charactars…

Ashley

Posted: 18th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

UK Government Moves To Tax Internet Use

THE Internet is fantastic. You’re looking at it. The Government wants to control it. To own it. Now see if you can link these two stories.

Villagers in rural Lancashire have become so sick of their poor internet connection they have decided to wire up their own homes. Armed with a fibre cable, a digger and a technician, the residents of Wray village and Wennington have managed to connect a farmhouse to broadband.

Now see if you can make the link between that and this:

Every Briton with a fixed-line phone will pay a “small levy” of 50p per month to pay for faster net access.

The national fund created by the levy will be used to ensure most Britons get access to future net technologies.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)

How To Make A Russian Jet From Cigarettes

IN Anorak’s masterclass today, readers learn how to make a Russian Jet fighter from a cigarette box.

Old Mr Anorak once dispatched me to Cuba, approaching from Cancun. The plane was Russian. The seat fell backwards and remained supine throughout the flight. The overhead fan when touched lighted collapsed. The onboard staff laughed and then went “Whoooooh” when the plane fell and rose repeatedly.

When we landed, there was three-hour wait in the airport while a crowbar was retrieved to prise open the hold.

Anyhow, enjoy. Pass the smokes:

Anorak

Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Technology | Comments (3)

A Sexy Advert For The Sexiest Chair In The World

THE Divided Salli saddle chair seat is the sexiest, greatest chairiest chair ever, in the history of the world.

“See how the genitals make use of the gap.”

See the advert and wonder:

Anorak

Posted: 13th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)

Scientists Build Inflatable Tower That Reaches Edge Of Space

IN New Scientist, news of an inflatable tower that “could carry people to the edge of space without the need for a rocket”.

It’s the ultimate inflatable toy and “could be completed much sooner than a cable-based space elevator”.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (3)

South Korean Babies Trained To Attack The North With Robot Cars

WHEN North Korea attacks, South Koreans will strap their children to the Bomo – the world first Robot Baby Carriage – and sent them onto battle.

Says the battle brief:

The smart Bomo which tends the baby at the vicinity of the mother gives pleasure and comfort to the baby, and gives the tired young mother and father a moment of leisurely time to enjoy a cup of coffee.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Pedistate To Sedate Young People

CANCEL the Phenogran, the all-lettuce diet, the wee snort of Malibu and the priest’s lesson – the PediSedate is here, and it’s the last word in child sedation:

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (4)

New .tel Means The End Of Phone Numbers

DOT TEl – .tel – will not make you more popular, your p1enis bigger (you too, girls), your Viagra more potent and enable you to construct Twitter messages in 140 characters exactly and instantly. .tel will, however, save you having to remember anyone’s phone number. 

It also means businesses get an ID that namechecks the business.

Play the video and be changed:

Anorak

Posted: 13th, May 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Prince Charles Shuns Japanese Toilet Pillow

IN Japan, more than two shakes is the first steps in a record breaking w*nk. So there’s the “Angels Knee Pillow” to get you more in touch with your toilet.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Technology | Comment

The Top 10 Best Hubble Space Images

IF the astronauts onboard The Atlantis achieve their aim of upgrading the Hubble Space Telescope, “it will extend humanity’s vision yet farther out in space and back in time – to an era when the first stars and galaxies were lighting up a dark universe.”

We will see wonders. Anorak presents the 10 Best Hubble Images Of Space:

Anorak

Posted: 12th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Technology | Comment (1)

In China Mobile Phones Are Disguised As Cigarette Packets

IN China mobile phones are disguised as cigarette packets -to avoid embarrassment, and a fine.

This is China, where Gongan county responds to concerns about a fall in its tax take by issuing a smoking edict, ordering officials to inhale 230,000 packs of local Hubei-produced cigarettes over the year.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, May 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

The 10 Most Bizarre Things About Kindle

ALL hail the Amazon Kindle, the electronic reader that will to do for newspapers and books what the iPod did for music. The Kindle is the device that pronounces “Barack Obama” as “black Alabama”.

Conspiracy theorists will just love the Kindle, which speaks truth to power like no hack can. Or has the Kindle just been programmed by a Cockney geyser, narrating stories in a transatlantic rhyming slang?

In light of this, Anorak brings you the top Ten Kindle Truther Speakers Ever, aka The Kindle Cockney Translator.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, May 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

iSnort: iPod Cocaine Application

YOU can get an iPhone Application for anything. So says the advert. So Anorak put it to the test. And we bring you the iSnort  Cocaine app.

Take advantage of our 2-4-1 offer with this associated iPhone app:

Shake A Baby To Death With iPhone Nanny Training

Spotter: Lone in the Forums

Anorak

Posted: 1st, May 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Wolfram Alpha Is Bigger Than Google

WOLFRAM Alpha is the creation of British-born physicist Dr Stephen Wolfram.

Says he of his technology at a demonstration at Harvard University’s Berkman Center for Internet and Society:

“Our goal is to make expert knowledge accessible to anyone, anywhere, anytime.”

Anorak

Posted: 30th, April 2009 | In: Technology | Comment

Shake A Baby To Death With iPhone Nanny Training

YOU can do anything on your Apple iPhone. You can join a social network and pretend to have friends; call your therapist; and play loadsa games while you wait for new freinds to join your virtual Tupperware Party. And you can ever prepare for that nannying job in the US by shaking the crying baby to death with iPhone Baby Training

APPLE has apologised after a “deeply offensive” game for the iPhone called Baby Shaker was approved for sale in their online store.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Technology | Comment (1)

Six Days In Fallujah (Video Game)

SIX Days in Fallujah is the new shoot-‘em-up video game from Atomic Games.

Under George Bush the aim would have been to shoot the enemy in the face. But now Obama is in charge, there is new directive. Says Atomic’s Peter Tamte:

“For us, games are not just toys. If you look at how music, television and films have made sense of the complex issues of their times, it makes sense to do that with videogames.”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2009 | In: Technology | Comments (2)