The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
God’ll Fix It: when Jimmy Savile confessed to his demons in 1978
Book of the day is the 1979 tome, God’ll Fix It, the divine words of Sir Jimmy Savile.
The chapter How Do I Cope With Sex? , told readers:
Sex at its worst is corruption, as when young people might be corrupted to provide sex.’
The final word is with the Star:
Spotter: UsVThem
Posted: 3rd, December 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment (1)
Crap Advent Calendars: One Direction’s Niall Horan Does A Runny Poo
Much excitement at Anorak Towers are we open the flaps on the first One Direction advent calendar window.
The first flaps are situated on Niall Horan’s backside.
D’lish.
Five boys one runny cip.
Posted: 1st, December 2014 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Black Friday: The Asda Cheerleaders Fight To The Death Over Underwear At Victoria’s Secret
It’s Black Friday, the day when shops seduce shoppers with bargains.
Two faces of the show:
1. Cheerleaders at the Asda store in Wembley, north west London during Black Friday.
2. Victoria’s Secret, Liverpool.
The morgue:
Posted: 28th, November 2014 | In: Money, Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Cheese Big Enough To Kill A Man Arrives In Canada
How do you describe something big? Traditionally, fooball pitches, buses or St Paul’s Cathedral have been used to describe a thing’s length or height. But writing in the Ottwah Citzen, Alison Mah takes a new angle:
A 1,000-pound provolone that would likely kill you if it fell on you the wrong way has arrived in Ottawa.
Big enough to kill you.
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Posted: 26th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Newcastle United Balls: Faustino Asprilla Has A Range Of Condoms
Former Newcastle United favourite Faustino Asprilla offers us his “Tino” condoms for your good sexual health in Colombia, the Bigg Market and beyond.
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Posted: 25th, November 2014 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment
Neal Cassady Shall Be Justified: Read The Joan Anderson Letter That Inspired Jack Kerouac’s On The Road
In 1950 Neal Cassady chocked down mouthfuls of speed and wrote a 16,000 words, 18-page letter to hgis friend Jack Kerouac. In it he recalled a trip to Denver and a dalliance with a Joan Anderson. Kerouac was writing On The Road. After reading Cassady’s letter he began it anew.
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Posted: 24th, November 2014 | In: Books, Reviews | Comment (1)
Jesus Wept! The Christmas Jumper That Bleeds For Your Fashion Sins
Who hasn’t looked at a Christmas jumper and declared ‘Jesus’?
Shredders are selling this fine seasonal sweater designed by Steve Byrne.
Buy This Wonderful Raiders Of The Lost Ark Face Melting Candle
Here’s a noveltt item to reallt set the pulses racing: a Raiders of The Lost Ark candle. It’s modelled on Major Arnold Toht, the Nazi whose face melts when the magic chest is opened.
Firebox says:
“Thankfully it melts a lot slower than his face does in the film.”
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Posted: 21st, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The ‘Guardian Class’ Want Video Games Rated For Sexism
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Posted: 20th, November 2014 | In: Reviews, Technology, The Consumer | Comment
Real Barbie Dolls Comes With Spots, Stretch Marks And Issues
Want to see the real Barbie doll? Nickolay Lamm wants to show us what a real woman as a plastic doll would look like. His Lammily doll has impetigo, a mole, wounds, bruises and – unlike Mr Stretch Armstrong – stretch marks.
Who knew that a real person wasn’t like a doll?
Kids, eh, so stupid they think all adults look like Barbie. If you let them drive real cars they’d just sit ther going “Brrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm”. And never – NEVER – leave your child alone with a full gown grizzly bear.
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Posted: 20th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Elly Prizeman Is British Fashion’s Newest Star
ELLY Prizeman is the most talked about shirt designer on this planet (and whatever planet they’re on).
Her stellar range of shirts is out of this world (as modelled by Matt Taylor).
As another notable shirt designer, Vivienne Westwood, put it:
You have a more interesting life if you wear impressive clothes.
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Posted: 19th, November 2014 | In: Fashion, Reviews | Comment
Sexist Barbie Says ‘I Can Be…A Computer Engineeer’ – But Only If The Boys Do All The Work
WHAT can Babie be? Well, if you melt her down, she could be doorstop, a martial aid part of South Korean car’s dashboard. But to Martel, Babrie can be anything.
Barbie Can Be…A Computer Engineeer.
Live the dream, Barbie! And dig those glasses. You sure must have smarts to wear bins like those.
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Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: Books, The Consumer | Comment
John Waters Reads: My Singing Anus And Carsick Parodies
John Waters hitchhiked his way across the USA. He’s written it up in Carsick.
“I have probably 8,500 books all catalogued and everything. I’m a book collector. The novelizations of movies which no one collects? I collect them. I also collect porn parodies of literature. So yes, I collect all kinds of books.”
The first two chapters of his book are fictional. He wonders what thrills await him, such as giving head during a demolition derby and being murdered by a serial killer with a thing for film directors.
“Some people skip [the introduction] and they don’t realize the first two parts are fiction. They say, ‘Did that really happen?’ Do you really believe my singing anus did a duet with Connie Francis?”
Save it for the movie…
Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment
FAIL: London Estate Agent Strutt And Parker Creates Truly Terrible Ad
To London, where Tom Doran @portraitinflesh spots this hideous advert from esate agency Strutt And Parker:
DEAR GOD. Is this a current advert? How on Earth could @struttandparker sign off on this?
Answer: because they’re estate agents.
Via: @OscarWGrut
Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Nurtured Sea Salt In A Thing That Exists
YOU can raise salt in an captive environment:
Spotter: Anna Dingley @annadingley
Posted: 18th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
This 1912 Brothel Menu Is For Men With Cash And Goose Quills
This is a brothel menu from Mrs. F.A. Tasse‘s house of good repute. In 1912, the customer could purchase sex:
No discount for cash. Stink fingers and jerking-off matinees for young men under 21, every Wednesday from 2:30 to 4. Customers must enter with cash in one hand and tool in the other. If you are not a self-starter, stay at home and jack yourself off.
Goose quill: model’s own.
PS: Jezebel says the brother was in London. Well, no. It wasn’t. Not unless Mrs. F.A. Tasse. (surely FAT ARSE – ed) was appealing to a uniquely American clientele with her prices and spelling.
Spotter: Amanda Marcotte, Flashbak
Posted: 15th, November 2014 | In: NSFW, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Dr Who Specials: The Weeping Angel Christmas Tree Topper And Toilet Aimer
DECORATE your Christmas Tree with a weeping angel, as seen on Dr Who.
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Posted: 15th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer, TV & Radio | Comment
The Metro Creates The List That Ends All Lists: It Is That Bad
MODERN journalism is much about lists. You make a list and it is news. Things kicked off in 1977, when millions of people (my father mong them) The Book of Lists, compiled by David Wallechinsky, his father Irving Wallace and sister Amy Wallace.
It was a cracking book, a top toilet read. It was a valuable resource when I wrote the quiz questions for the TV show Jeopardy (What is the impossible job?).
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Posted: 14th, November 2014 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment
Wrist-Slitting Photo Hidden Inside Child’s Toy
Tinkerbell
OTHER Parents presents the loving mum who bought her 2-year-old daughter an Evil Stick. She thought the EVIL STICK wouild contain a picture of a fairy or some other ‘normal’ figure. Instead, as she tells us:
It looks like a magic fairy princess wand but when you push the button it laughs manically and a light flashes behind the foil star top, revealing a picture of a demonic woman cutting herself with a knife.
And she’s no fairy. We’ve checked…
Posted: 13th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The Wearable Futon Is A Thing Of Wonder
FINALLY, the wearable Futon. Alistair Gentry reviews:
Japanese office supply company King Jim offer this lovely wearable futon and air mat set for a mere ¥4,500 (about £25, €30 or $40), because Japan. It’s ideal for those times when you’ve come to hold your own life and dignity so cheap that you’re willing to voluntarily wear a futon at your workplace and sleep next to your desk like a dog. The title in the blue box says “kiru futon & eaamatto” (literally “wear futon and air mat”). The kit also contains an air pump. I once slept on a legit air bed for far longer than is sensible and it nearly crippled me, so I’m guessing this glorified packing material is hardly better than the office utility carpet from which the air mat is supposed to protect you.
Stylish cuffs, no? It’s nearly as hip as turning up selvedge jeans, except you’re wearing a futon therefore you have gone beyond being trendy and you have lost your damn mind. I like the model’s expression in the picture above. He’s like “Dafuq? Is this really happening?” Maybe that’s why he looks dead in pic 1. He completely lost the will to live in the course of this photoshoot, laid down on the air mat in his wearable futon and gave up the ghost.
Posted: 11th, November 2014 | In: The Consumer | Comment
