The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
50 Shades of Rainbow Dash: My Little Pony erotic fans fiction exists (extracts)
MY Little Pony fan fiction is a thing that exists. It’s 50 Shades of Rainbow Dash.
These are a few extracts from the genre:
Rarity’s Erotic Massage by ZeroJanitor
“Hello to you too, Rarity.” said Twilight. “I came by to inform you that there’s going to be party at Sugarcube Corner at six o’clock tonight, hosted by our very own Pinkie Pie! There’s going to be food, games, movies, and between you and me, I think Pinkie’s going to make her ‘special’ punch.”
…
Twilight just stared at the ironing board in confusion. Rarity noticed the flustered look on her face.
“Oop! Hold on one second, Twilight!” Rarity activated her horn and pulled one of the dresser drawers open and lifted a screwdriver out. She used this to loosen the screw at the focal point of the board’s legs at about the speed of a power drill. The legs started to collapse, causing the ironing board to fall closer to the floor. At about 20 inches off the ground, Rarity drilled the screw back in and put the screwdriver back in the drawer. “There! Much better!”
Twilight hopped onto the table. Her legs dangled over the side, almost touching the ground, as her face was pressed firmly into the throw pillow. “You’re sure about this?” she asked, in a slightly muffled voice.
…
Though Rarity was a bit disgusted by the idea of Twilight’s lubricant getting on her ironing board, she enjoyed the idea even more.
…
Missionary position is tricky for ponies, but perfectly doable, evidenced by Rarity now pumping with more vigor than ever
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The 1931 cooked hot-dog vending machine
IN 1931, you could buy a warm sausage from a German vending machine, like this one.
You can buy pretty much anything from a vending machine: live crabs, tax discs for prostitutes, gold, drugs, used panties, breasts, lobster, toilet paper, eggs, iPods, flowers, cars and caviar.
Would you eat this sausage? Not now. It would be in its 80s. Then. It looks a lot like the machine is is going to the toilet. and this sausage model, the good hot dog owner, is collecting its waste to chuck in the bin…
Posted: 28th, July 2013 | In: Flashback, The Consumer | Comment
Does smoking marijuana make you slimmer and control insulin? Does God make you fat?
CAN smoking marijuana make you thin?
The study looked at more than 4,600 people, 12 percent of whom said they were current marijuana users and 42 percent of whom said they had used in the past. Previous research had shown that marijuana users had a lower prevalence for diabetes and obesity, but this was the first study where scientists tried to determine if there was a link between insulin and glucose levels and marijuana usage, Yahoo Shine reported…
The study concludes: “with the recent trends in legalization of marijuana in the United States, it is likely that physicians will increasingly encounter patients who use marijuana and should therefore be aware of the effects it can have on common disease processes, such as diabetes mellitus. We found that current marijuana use is associated with lower levels of fasting insulin, lower HOMA-IR and smaller waist circumference.”
One theory:
Some research finds that highly religious people are less likely to take drugs, but more likely to be obese — perhaps because they’re substituting one compulsive behavior (overeating) for the other (smoking marijuana). So, some of the obese people in the national surveys may be religious folk, who might otherwise be heavy marijuana smokers, but are eating too much instead. That could make it look like marijuana is slimming.Also consider that one of the most popular uses of medical marijuana is to stimulate appetite in people with cancer, AIDS or other diseases. Such patients are significantly less likely to be obese than the general population — so in this case, weight loss would precede or prompt the marijuana smoking.
Is smoking weed a compulsive behaviour?
Dr. Stuart Weiss, a professor and endocrinologist at the NYU School Of Medicine said, “We’d have to assume that there’s some compound that is involved with this marijuana smoke that causes an improvement in metabolism.”
Other research:
New research from the University of California, Irvine — detailed in the March issue of Cell Metabolism — found that certain brain chemicals with characteristics similar to marijuana might play a key factor in helping you shed pounds without any exercise. A dream come true? Here’s a brief look at the promising discovery…
It’s an endocannabinoid compound called 2-AG. Endocannabinoids, as the name might suggest, share a similar molecular structure to the active ingredients in cannabis. Typically, high levels of 2-AG are found in the brains of mammals, and previous studies suggested that these compounds may make the body crave fat. Scientists think endocannabinoids play a key role in regulating the body’s metabolism, or the energy it makes from food.
Interesting stuff. More studies are needed…
Posted: 27th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Cool Ad Watch: Sainsbury’s are back to school with Wolverhampton’s B-Girl Terra
COOL Ad Watch: Sainsbury’s are back to school with Wolverhampton’s B-Girl Terra:
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Posted: 26th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Enterprise Rent-a-car offer free sex with every pick up in Wales (see advert)
THINKING of hiring a car in Wales through the Pembrokeshire Herald newspaper? Worried that the Vauxhall Vectra you can afford will not make you look sexy? Well, Enterprise Rent-a-car have just the offer for you. Enterprise will do more than just pick you up…
Posted: 25th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The decline of man: the steady emasculation of our role models
THE decline of Man: modern man is in a state of crisis, reared on a diet of creams, depilated, patent skin and self-tanning unguents. Here, Anorak looks at the fall of manhood.
“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing’.”
It is generally assumed that George Clooney was joking when he delivered the above quote. One thing is true, though: ‘ball ironing’ (or ‘male laser lift’) is available at the Beauty Park in Santa Monica for just under $600, and it is proving very popular.
Clooney may not have had the treatment himself, but his familiarity with it is cause for concern. It’s just the latest in a series of milestones in the steady emasculation of our role models. And the rot set in, as it so often did, in the 1950s.
Dennis Compton
Compton (second left, with Burt Lancaster and Frankie Vaughan) was a brilliant batsman with a Test average of 50 (including over 200 runs in one match against South Africa using an antique bat borrowed from the cricket museum). He also found time to play football for Arsenal, with whom he won both the league championship and the FA Cup. Unfortunately, he also became the face of Brylcreem, and set the tone for future generations of sportsmen to dabble in the darker corners of male grooming.
Elvis Presley
Presley offended people in numerous ways –not least with his habit of wearing eye makeup. None of which stopped him from being drafted into the US Army. Here the prospective GI sits his written military exam, in slightly more discreet slap.
Henry Cooper
As deodorant manufacturers attempted to broaden their appeal to the male half of the population, they recruited macho sporty types like Our ’Enery (’ere wiv’ ’Arvey Smiff) who here advertises Brut with the immortal slogan ‘Splash it all over’.
Ron Atkinson
Big Ron: The Sunbed Years.
Graham Gooch
In his playing days as opening bat for England, ‘Goochy’ sported an imperial moustache and resembled an officer at Rourk’s Drift. His subsequent hair transplant came as something of a shock – and led to a series of rather defensive gestures. Defensive, not about the fact of the transplant, but the quality of the weave itself.
Here Gooch, as the official caption puts it, ‘test[s] his hair replacement treatment in a Central London health Gym, to disprove claims that the treatment does not work. The former England captain is at the centre of an disgreement, after a client of AHS (Advanced Hair Studio) along with the Advertising Standards Authority claimed that adverts claiming that Gooch could swim, shower, and play sport with his hair treatment were wrong and misleading.’
David Beckham
The signs were there as a young boy, when he enjoyed wearing knickerbockers and ballet shoes. Later we had his own take on Brylcreem advertising (above) and experiments with sarongs. His nomination here, however, is for his championing of the ‘back. sack and crack’ – the logical conclusion of the waxing mania that overtook British manhood in the twenty-first century.
Luis Figo
Deserves his place here for his role in the general poncification of older men, with his truly terrible Just For Men advertisement – a product for disguising grey hair and beards and allowing old men to kid themselves that they are attractive to women half their age.
Cristiano Ronaldo and Rio Ferdinand
AKA: Ronaldo and Rio in hotpants hell. What were they thinking? Seriously?
Shane Warne
He held his hands up to the hair transplant, and fair play to him for that, but Shane’s explanation for his subsequent transformation into a taught-faced waxwork is altogether less convincing: he attributed it to ‘good moisturiser’. Others spoke of botox, facelifts and teeth whitening. Wherefore art thou, Warney-o?
Leinster Rugby
The citadel falls. Once upon a time the best you could hope for in a rugby union changing room was a bar of coal tar soap and a turd in your kit bag. Now you are more likely to find a range of hair and skin care products. Leinster Rugby are now sponsored by Nivea for Men. Or should that be ‘Men’?
O tempora, o mores!
ENDS
Posted: 24th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, Fashion, Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)
Crystal Palace underground toilets are now a compact and bijou home (photo)
ARCHITECT Laura Jane Clark has transformed these ancient Crystal Palace Parade underground toilets (built: 1929; closed in the 1980s) into a 600 square foot home.
She bought he lavs for £20,000, invested £65,000 and now owns an underground home that boasts a few original fixtures and fittings, notably the public health warning sign for VD.
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Posted: 24th, July 2013 | In: Money, The Consumer | Comments (2)
A sex act and three mayonnaise enemas spice up Canadian Fringe Festival
THE Hen Pit show at the Winnipeg Fringe Festival features naked actors Doug Melnyk and Ian Mozdzens, three mayonnaise enemas and a sexual act.
Fringe Festival reviewer Michelle Palansky entices the crowd:
“By the third time… I was like, you know, this is gratuitous. I do not need to see any more mayonnaise enemas for the rest of my lifetime..Fellatio was performed. Not for very long, for a couple of seconds, but definitely performed… That was just in the heat of the moment in the middle of the show. It was sort of a non-climax. Literally and figuratively…
“You can’t be a performer on stage in Winnipeg, or any other city, and not know the laws of the land. And as far as I know, everyone should know that live sex acts are not allowed on stage period.”
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Posted: 24th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Andy Murray Royal Mail stamps are just product placement for his watch
THESE Andy Murray stamps to mark his status as Wimbledon Champion are a move away for celebration to product placement. Her Majesty the Queen has yet to post for a head-licker with a can of Cola or sweetshop treat on her lips. But two of Murray’s four stamps feature him wearing a watch. It’s the watch he doesn’t wear to play tennis; only to collect cups and pose for photos.
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Posted: 23rd, July 2013 | In: Sports, The Consumer | Comment
Brands use the royal baby to flog their crap – the best and worst examples of desperate marketing
ASK not what your can do for your future King but what your future King can do for you. Kate Middleton and Prince William’s son is but a few hours old and already he’s working hard:
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Posted: 22nd, July 2013 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family, The Consumer | Comment
Hyperflesh masks of Jack Nicholson, Ron Jeremy, Mike Tyson, Barack Obama and Charlie Sheen
OI, big head, you’ve got a hyperflesh masks of Jack Nicholson, Ron Jeremy, Mike Tyson, Barack Obama and Charlie Sheen head.
Spotter: BlessThisStuff, Landon Meier
Posted: 22nd, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
The greatest way to sell a baby we’ve ever seen
HOW do you sell babies / peaches / carrier bags? Like this:
Spotter: Danny Wallace
Posted: 22nd, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Mother offers car to any women who will have sex with her Harvard-bound son
A LOVING mother is calling for a “sugar baby” to have sex with her son before he heads to Harvard. Her advert on Craigslist says in exchange for lots of sex with the lad, the sexer will earn a car. It’s all pretty extraordinary, especially given that hiring prostitute is not all that tricky.
Anyhow, the 18-year-old is handsome, fit, clever and owns almost “zero body fat”. Mum is “sure” he’s virgin. How sure? Let’s not wonder too much:
What odds “mum” is the college kid?
Posted: 19th, July 2013 | In: Strange But True, The Consumer | Comment
Pop culture: the hand-painted Elton John toilet seat
OBJECTS of desire: the Elton John hand-painted toilet seat. Life the seat, Rocket Man:
Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, The Consumer | Comment
Royal Baby Tat Watch: The Sick Bag
YOU could use the Royal wedding sick bag. Or you can splash out on a Royal Baby sick bag. Designer Lydia Leith never did produce a Kate Middleton morning sickness sick bag. That would have been in poor taste:
Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Royal Family, The Consumer | Comment
In 1929 Jean-Paul Sartre took mescaline – that’s when the crabs started to follow him
IN 1929, Jean-Paul Sartre met Simone De Beauvoir and took some mescaline. These two events were not linked. He recalled the experience in conversation with political science professor, John Gerassi:
Sartre: … I ended up having a nervous breakdown.
Gerassi: You mean the crabs?
Satre: Yeah, after I took mescaline, I started seeing crabs around me all the time. They followed me in the streets, into class. I got used to them. I would wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, my little ones, how did you sleep?” I would talk to them all the time. I would say, “O.K., guys, we’re going into class now, so we have to be still and quiet,” and they would be there, around my desk, absolutely still, until the bell rang.
Gerassi: A lot of them?
Sartre: Actually, no, just three or four.
Grassi: But you knew they were imaginary?
Sartre: Oh, yes. But after I finished school, I began to think I was going crazy, so I went to see a shrink, a young guy then with whom I have been good friends ever since, Jacques Lacan. We concluded that it was fear of being alone, fear of losing the camaraderie of the group. You know, my life changed radically from my being one of a group, which included peasants and workers, as well as bourgeois intellectuals, to it being just me and Castor. The crabs really began when my adolescence ended. At first, I avoided them by writing about them — in effect, by defining life as nausea — but then as soon as I tried to objectify it, the crabs appeared. And then they appeared whenever I walked somewhere. Not when I was writing, just when I was going someplace. … The crabs stayed with me until the day I simply decided that they bored me and that I just wouldn’t pay attention to them. And then the war came, the stalag, the Resistance, and the big political battles after the war.
From the book Talking With Sartre: Conversations and Debates.
Posted: 18th, July 2013 | In: Books, Celebrities, Flashback | Comment
Chicken McNugget rage video: customer threatens to eat waitress’s face and ‘shit it out into the gutter’
I LIKE Chicken McNuggets. You like Chicken McNuggets. This woman loves chicken McNuggets. But, then, she also likes eating the fast food worker’s face and “****ing it out into the gutter”. After I while, I guess your tastebuds just die:
Other key utterances not on the menu:
“I’m gonna eat your ***ing face and I’m gonna digest it, and shit it out into the gutter”
“Don’t make me assume my ultimate form”
“I’ll do more than just ****ing hiss at you”
“…you fat meatbag, I will end you”
“I want my ****ing nuggets”
“You want a piece of me”
(No. I want 20 pieces with sauce on the side)
“I will get my super sayan”
Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Trayvon Martin: Juror B37 and her book’s agent crawl back under their rocks
JUROR B37 sat on the George Zimmerman trial that questioned how Trayvon Martin came to be shot dead. She and her five colleagues cleared Zimmerman of murder. And then B37 got to thinking about her career. How about a book? She got an agent, named Sharlene Martin of Martin Literary Management LLC, notable for her work shilling for Amanda Knox’s ex Raffaele Sollecito.
Martin hoped Juror B37’s book would help the great unwashed…
“…understand the commitment it takes to serve and be sequestered on a jury in a highly publicized murder trial …. It could open a whole new dialogue about laws that may need to be revised and revamped to suit a 21st century way of life.”
Juror B37 went on CNN to for some marketing for her public service tome:
“I think both were responsible for the situation they had gotten themselves into. I think they both could have walked away.”
And then Juror B37 had second thoughts. The market (via Twitter and a peptition on Change.org) had told her that her project was reprehensible:
“I realize it was necessary for our jury to be sequestered in order to protest our verdict from unfair outside influence, but that isolation shielded me from the depth of pain that exists among the general public over every aspect of this case. The potential book was always intended to be a respectful observation of the trial from my and my husband’s perspectives solely and it was to be an observation that our ‘system’ of justice can get so complicated that it creates a conflict with our ‘spirit’ of justice.
“Now that I am returned to my family and to society in general, I have realized that the best direction for me to go is away from writing any sort of book and return instead to my life as it was before I was called to sit on this jury.”
Martin did a reverse ferret:
“After careful consideration regarding the proposed book project with Zimmerman Juror B37, I have decided to rescind my offer of representation in the exploration of a book based upon this case.”
Says B37:
“I have realized that the best direction for me to go is away from writing any sort of book and return instead to my life as it was before …”
And that’s a woman seen as a peer of Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman deemed fit to judge them…
Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: Books, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Free ice-cream for every gay marriage
THE debate on gay marriage just got sugary. In the Anorak post bag:
“BEN & JERRY’S and lesbian, gay and bisexual equality organisation Stonewall joined forces today to celebrate the final parliamentary stage of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill in the House of Lords, with hundreds of supporters cutting a one metre tall rainbow cake in London. Gathering outside the House of Lords, supporters of marriage equality enjoyed taking a bite out of the rainbow cake… Ben & Jerry’s also announced that they will supply the same cake design used today and provide ice cream for the first same sex marriage in the U.K.”
If Ben & Jerry are gay, are Holland & Barrett, Fortnum and Mason, Marks & Spencer…
Posted: 16th, July 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment
Playing with poo – the video
PLAYING with poo, with Yariv Goldfarb:
PS – anyone seen Morph?
Posted: 15th, July 2013 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Top 10 weird visa applications
APPLYING for visas is a pain, but imagine actually having to process them and the weird reasons people give! Thankfully, someone has compiled the top ten strangest visa applications.
One fella from South Africa, for example, wanted to move to Europe so he could chase vampires in Romania. Another cheery soul from Mexico got their visa rejected because he wanted to use his embalming skills to prepare dead bodies in Spain.
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Posted: 15th, July 2013 | In: Reviews, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Louis Smith has only read on book properly – his autobopgraphy
OLYMPIC gymnast and Strictly Come Dancing champion Louis Smith has only ever read one book. Can you guess which the Peterborough-born pommel-horse expert read? Yep, it’s his autobiography, the 240-page pot boiler Louis: My Story So Far.
Says Smith:
“It would have to be my book, as it’s the first book I’ve read properly.”
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Posted: 14th, July 2013 | In: Books, Sports | Comment (1)
Girl-hating gamer boys: Quit thinking with the Smaller of Your Two Heads
ACCORDING to 1980s pop culture stereotypes, anyone who likes computers is compensating for being a socially clueless nerd who cannot get laid. Kudos to pop culture for evolving beyond that, but why the hell are today’s gamer boys trying so hard to revive old stereotypes?
For over a week now, male gamers have been freaking out over news that a woman— 19-year Microsoft veteran Julie Larson-Green — has been named the new head of the Xbox division. Not that the company is any feminist utopia (or dystopia, depending on your preference); it’s the same Xbox which, just last month, got called out by Anita Sarkeesian for introducing its new line of games and “revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation”.
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Posted: 13th, July 2013 | In: Key Posts, Money, Technology, The Consumer | Comment (1)
Estate agency writes the best property blurb ever – ‘Due to the owner’s hobby, we are unable to take internal photographs’
YOU looking to buy a 3-bed semi-detached house on Eastcroft Road, West Ewell, for £337,950? McCann’s estate agents, on Epsom High Street, has just the thing. Want to see inside?
Sorry. You can’t. Why? Well the estate agency says:
“Due to the owners hobby, we are unable to take internal photographs”
This is how you market a property. You create a mystery. Now we call want to look inside. Anyone know what’s there? Is “internal photographs” a clue?
Posted: 12th, July 2013 | In: Money, The Consumer | Comment
