The Consumer Category
We bring you the chic and unique, the best and most bizarre shopping offers both online and offline. We offer you tips on where to buy, and some of the less mainstream and crazy, individual and offbeat items on the internet. Anything that can be bought and sold can be featured here. And we love showcasing the best and worst art and design.
Swiss Ant-Talking Weather Prophet Marton Horat Appears In Nuttiest Tourism Advert Ever
MARTIN Horat – a “genuine Swiss ‘weather prophet’ from the Muotathal in Central Switzerland”( source: Swiss National Tourist Office) – has listened to the ants. They tell him that this winter Switzerland is going to be cleaner than ever, with an outbreak of civic pride, fascism, sun and snow:
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Posted: 20th, October 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The Dean Gaffney Clock: Must Have Item Of The Day
THE Dean Gaffney Clock is our Must Have Item of The Day. The former EastEnders legend has been immortalised on an A4 sheet of canvas and then pricked by the hands of a clock. It’s based on an original drawing John Sutton.
It is yours for just £14. (Order now and they’ll toss in a live Dead Gaffney for your panto..)
Posted: 19th, October 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment (1)
Train Operator Advises Taking The Car To Its Advertised Destination
THE advert for First Great Western’s (FGW) “Explore” campaign features Dartmouth – a place that has no network train station. Anyone wishing to visit Dartmouth can do so by car or hop on the Kingswear heritage line and then cross the River Dart by ferry.
National Rail’s website advises:
The nearest railway stations to Dartmouth are listed below [Paignton – 5.8 miles away – and Totnes – 7.5 miles]. Train services to these stations may vary, you can use our Journey Planner to confirm your travel arrangements. Unless shown otherwise in the Special Offers section, travel between the station shown and Dartmouth is not included in your rail ticket. You may need to pay an additional bus or taxi fare to complete your journey.
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Posted: 17th, October 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Can Bacon Can Improve Anything? A Gallery Of Love
JUST as any news story can be improved with the inclusion of a dwarf, any part of life can be improved with bacon:
Posted: 15th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment (1)
National Coming Out Day Cards: For The Secret Gay In You
TO mark National Coming Out Day, why not get a National Coming Out Day Cards, featuring your favourite celebrity? If you get a card, you might well be gay – but just the last to know:
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Artist Christian Jankowski’s Aquariva Boat Costs £110,000 More With His Signature
MORE news on how the art world works: at London’s Frieze Art Fair you can buy the Aquariva Centro, a 30ft boat for $430,000. Nice. But if you buy it as work of art – not as a boat – it costs £540,000.
For the extra you get: a promotional video featuring designer Christian Jankowski, Jankoweski’s name on a certificate and Jankowski’s name on a chrome plaque on the boat’s hull.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Nightmares Fear Factory Photos: Friendships Tested In The Face Of Horror
THE Nightmares Fears Factory can be found in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. It’s a haunted house attraction. It is also a way of finding out what you and, more vitally, what your friends, lovers and family are made of. In this gallery of reactions to the scary you will learn if your man is a hero (picture 9) or a chocolate teapot (picture 2)? Is your good lady happy to sacrifice you to the gaping maw of hell (pictures 5 and 20? Do your friends see you as a prop to their own lives, a sacrificial victim for the greater good of ‘me’ (picture 7)? Or are they ready to bond with the horror (pictures 10 and 15)? If you want to see what they are reacting to, you can go to page 2:
Posted: 10th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Ad Break Of The Day: The Saridon Hammer
GREAT Adverts make your laugh. We being you the Saridon Hammer:
Posted: 6th, October 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Tom Ford Pulls Fragrance Strips From A Woman’s Bum: And Other Sexy Sexist Adverts
WHAT does Tom Ford’s new scent smell of? What does Tom Ford want you to smell of? Well, the advert in Russian GQ suggests Tom enjoys the smell of a naked woman’s bum crack.
Tom Ford is fully clothed. He is also magic. For his next trick he will pull a men’s cologne from his urethra…
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Posted: 1st, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Jonathan King’s Autobiography 65 My Life So Far Defies Censorship
I AM delighted to see that Jonathan King’s autobiography 65 My Life So Far hit No1 on the Amazon Kindle pop culture chart. This is amazing given the near-universal attempt to edit our tastes by our nation’s media by ignoring the intriguing tome. Thanks to Madame Arcati’s review and that of Roger Lewis’ in The Lady, however, and a little PR by the author himself, and… well, success!
The Madame’s review:
Oh, JK! How could you? Or rather, how could you not?
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Storm Trooper Fashion At Paris Fashion Week: Photos
STORM Trooper Fashion: A model wears a creation by British fashion designer, Gareth Pugh, for his spring-summer 2012 ready-to-wear collection presented at Paris Fashion Week.
For more far out costumes are Stylebrity.
Posted: 29th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Keep Calm And Carry On: Stuarts Take On Mark Coop Over Wartime Slogan For Unity
DID you know that the European Union has stopped Britishers from selling copies of the Ministry of Information’s wartime poster “KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON”?
The Daily Telegraph reports on Barter Books, Alnwick, Northumberland, a second-hand bookshop, where owners Stuart and Mary Manley own one of the original posters. (2.5million were printed but only a relative few distributed.)
Iain Hollingshead writes:
For despite having rediscovered the iconic poster, and launched the “Keep Calm” craze they have been told that, due to a ruling by the EU’s Office for Harmonisation of the Internal Market, they might no longer have the right to sell it.
Mr Manley found a poster. And he printed off 500 copies to sell.
In December 2005, Barter Books sold 9,000 copies of the poster in a month. Says Stuart:
“Our website broke down and we had to put our entire staff onto packaging posters.”
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Posted: 29th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
RIP Arch West: Doritos Founder’s Had His Chips
THE creator of Doritos has died aged 97 — and is to be buried with his chips.
RIP Arch West, founder of the Doritos smacks brand. You’ve been cremated, or smokey barbecued, as it were.
His daughter Jana Hacker says:
“We are tossing Doritos chips in before they put the dirt over the urn.”
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Posted: 27th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Under Offer Proves London Estate Agents Are Not Beyond Parody
ANORAK has a confession to make. Some of my friends are estate agents. Well, one of them is. He’s not a bit like the blond in this parody of his craft called Under Offer. For one thing, he has a vastly superior car…
Posted: 25th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Buy Hugo Boss And Ensure Nazis Slaves Did No Die In Vain: German Fashion Label Confesses
THANKS to the Allies, Hugo Boss does nto only make brown shirts. But it was once the Number 1 supplier of uniforms to the German war effort.
Finally, the German fashion label has apologised for backing those dapper Nazis and using slave labour to make its clothes.
Boss wishes to: “express its profound regret to those who suffered harm or hardship at the factory run by Hugo Ferdinand Boss under National Socialist rule.”
Philipp Wolff, senior vice president of communications, explains: “We don’t want and have never wanted to hide anything, but rather want to bring clarity to the past. It’s our responsibility to the company, our employees, our customers and everyone interested in Hugo Boss and its history.”
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Posted: 24th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Cooking Dogs With Crappy Quilts: The Sticker Is In The Wrong Place (A Gallery)
IF you put the sticker in the right place the thing you’re selling might well sell a whole lot better…
Posted: 23rd, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
The Anti-Sex Trafficking Adverts Are Like A Sex Trafficker Road Show
THE advert states that last year 200,000 girls in south east Asia were tricked into the sex trade. A group called Traffick Lights wants it to stop. And to do it they will raise awareness with a series of adverts. But, as Copyranter says, “they would make good posters for a sex trafficker trade show.”
They are an utter failure… (click to make ’em grow)….
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Posted: 22nd, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Peta’s Porn Site Woos Fans Of Baby Animal Sex
FINALLY! A magazine for those among us who like looking at live men and women shagging one another and inanimate objects among dead and tortured animals. Cancel Anorak’s works outing to Denmark. PETA, those People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, plan to “raise awareness of veganism through a mix of pornography and graphic footage of animal suffering”.
Lindsay Rajt, PETA’s associate director of campaigns, opines:
“We’re hoping to reach a whole new audience of people, some of whom will be shocked by graphic images that maybe they didn’t anticipate seeing when they went to the PETA triple-X site.”
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Posted: 20th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Workers Of Walmart: The Most Depressing Thing You Will See Today
THE Workers of Walmart live the American Dream:
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Posted: 20th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comments (2)
Beyonce Knowles And Mum Tina’s House Of Dereon Catwalk Show: Photos
BEYONCE Knowles and her mum Tina Knowles present their House of Dereon Autumn-Winter and Summer 2011 collections, in London, during London Fashion week. Does anyone else think House of Dereon sounds like a place in a Star Trek episode.
It’s far out fashion – but not as we Knowles it:
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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Kate Middleton’s Tattoo Causes Confusion In Edinburgh
KATE Middleton has a tattoo. No, no that Kate Middleton – another one. Do we pity the person whose name is hijacked by a bigger name? Was there an Elvis Presley before there was Elvis Presley. Do John Lennons call themselves by another name when booking hotel rooms in New York? Does Bill CLinton wish that William Jefferson Blythe had not changed his name? Is Sarah Ferguson bitter?
This Kate Middleton has a tattoo on her thigh. The tattoo was not finished when its designer, Karolina Randakova, was sacked by Dragonheart Tattoo UK in Portobello, Edinburgh. Another artist finished it off.
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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Demand For Gingers’ Sperm Set To Rocket Due To The Prince Harry Effect
CRYOS, the world’s largest sperm bank, is rejecting redheads. There just isn’t the demand. We call this the Prince Harry Effect – why buy when you an just wait?
Ole Schou, Cryos’s director, tells Danish newspaper Ekstrabladet.
“There are too many redheads in relation to demand. I do not think you chose a redhead, unless the partner – for example, the sterile male – has red hair, or because the lone woman has a preference for redheads. And that’s perhaps not so many, especially in the latter case.”
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Posted: 18th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
Horrible Food Photos: Shredded Children With Herpes Soup
FOOD. Can you be tempted by our menu of delicacies? What about the cock mints? The herpes soup – it’s a Saudi delicacy. Would sir like the shredded children? A range of hearty soaps for madam?…
Posted: 17th, September 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Amy Winehouse For Sale At Bonhams’ Urban Art Auction (Photos)
YOU can buy Cyclops’s Amy at the Bonhams’ Urban Art Sale. Banksy is well represented for those of you keen to own a slice of smart graffiti to hand on your wall…
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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comments (3)
Ficken Schnapps: German Brand Uses F-Word To Tell Customers To F-Off
FICKEN schnapps is now on the shelves in Germany. Ficken is the German word for “f*ck”. Germany’s Federal Patent Court has decreed that the word “ficken” can be registered as a trademark. Ficken is now registered at the German Patent and Trademark Office.
The company behind the brand says “Ficken” will appear on clothing, mineral water and fruit drinks.
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Posted: 16th, September 2011 | In: The Consumer | Comment
