Finding Sarah – From Royalty to the Real World: Duchess Ferguson Lives The Fairytale On Oprah’s Land Of Make Believe

SARAH Ferguson has been on Oprah Winfrey’s TV show Finding Sarah. The full title of the show Fergie reportedly scooped £200,000 for is: “Finding Sarah – From Royalty to the Real World”.

It is not a comedy. This is Ferguson reconnecting with her lotus flower.

The story is that Fergie, mired in debt and scandal for pimping out her former husband, Prince Andrew, for cash, will seek a new life via reality telly. She will market herself not as Duchess Sarah but as Duchess Sarah – The Salvation. As with all things Sarah this journey into Sarah will be conducted in public view.

As we say this is not a comedy. But if it were you might laugh out loud as Sarah fielded a question on flogging access to her ex-husband. Sarah says: “My moral compass is so strong that if I thought I was doing anything wrong, I would have known.”

Sarah says he is the victim of Sarah. She “self-sabotages“. She has a “people-pleasing addiction”.

As she tells it:

“Once upon a time I was a little girl who had a wonderful childhood. I fell in love, became a princess, had two beautiful children, life was perfect but I didn’t think I deserved it. So I sabotaged myself and I hit rock bottom. It was like I had murdered someone. I had murdered Sarah.”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (5)

Jamie Theakston Made New BBC Chair Champion At MediaCity?

HAS the BBC really employed a “chair champion” to “help staff moving to Salford Quays choose their seats – and learn to sit on them”.

BBC staffers are mocking into the godforsaken MediaCity in Salford Quay. Each is presented with a choice of three chairs.

A BBC spokeswoman confirmed the ‘chair champion’ was on site. But she stressed that looking after the corporation’s seating needs was only part of his wider health-and-safety role.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Karl Stefanovic Tells The Dalai Lama The World’s Greatest Joke (Video)

WITH Nelson Mandela’s lounge now closed to sycophants and celebs wanting a photo op with a man of peace, it falls upon the Dalai Lama to be the got- man for anyone wanting to look better. He’s been meeting with Australian Channel Nine presenter Karl Stefanovic. Karl tells him a gag. This might well be the greatest joke ever told:

Anorak

Posted: 13th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

News Presenter Leaks Daily Mail’s Entire News Agenda On Live TV

NEWS presenter sums up / leaks entire Daily Mail news editorial for next decade:

Anorak

Posted: 12th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

It’s Wonderful Being A Girl: Menstruating Educational Film Of The Day

IT’S wonderful being a girl. It’s educational:

Anorak

Posted: 12th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Roy Skelton RIP: Voice Of Zippy And Daleks Remebered

RIP, Roy Skelton. You were the voice of Zippy on Rainbow. You were also voice of the Daleks on Dr Who. You said:

“I can walk down the street and no one knows who I am. People don’t say, ‘There’s Zippy’, or ask me to say, ‘Exterminate!’ I sometimes wish they did.”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Justin Bieber Is A 22-Year-Old Woman Called Dani Shay

DANI Shay, 22, is woman who looks like Justin Bieber. Shay is on America’s Got Talent, singing her song on the Houston, Texas auditions.

Shay sang Bieber’s song Baby. Says Dani Boy:

I am stopped everywhere I go because people think I am Justin Bieber. Before I even knew who he was, no matter what I was wearing, I would be asked for photos, autographs, etc.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How To Date Women In New York And Maybe London: A Video Guide

ART Malov is her to tell YOU how to flirt and pull chicks. Sorry, Art. How to get with hos. No. Too much. How to pull the birds… Sheesh. This ia hard. Thankfully, Art is here to help. He’s a dating coach in New York. That might just be a joke to relax the babes and get them in the sack. That do, Art..?

How To Flirt At Work And Not Get Sacked

Anorak

Posted: 8th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Simon Cowell Vomited Into His Hand At Ronan Parke Fix Claims

EMOTIONLESS Simon Cowell may seem, but there’s nothing wrong with his gut, as he produced enough bile to feel physically ill as claims of ‘FIX‘ swirled around him concerning warbling foetus, Ronan Parke.

That’s right. The desperately nauseous mogul felt ‘‘sick to the stomach” when an article claimed that 12-year-old Parke had already been earmarked as a winner for the wearisome Britain’s Got Talent – a show that also featured more than one elderly lady performing an erotic dance routine with some dogs.

Mof Gimmers

Posted: 8th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Test Match Special Discusses Kevin Pietersen Pulling On A Rubber: Audio

ON BBC radio’s Test Match Special the talk has moved on from Brian Johnston’s cakes to rubbers. Jonathan Agnew is ruminating on the subject of Kevin Pietersen’s grip.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Sung-Bong Choi Is Korea’s Got Talent: He Ticks All The Boxes

SUNG-Bong Choi is the star of Korea’s Got Talent. Not all of Korea, obviously – just South Korea. All of North Korea’s talent is in the tip of Mr Kim Jong-Il’s littlest finger.

Anyhow, without further ado, here is Mr Bong. He will blow your mind, literally…

Anorak

Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Paraglider Gets Caughts In Parachute (Video)

IN this video, the paraglider tries to outrun his keen-to-fly parachute:

Anorak

Posted: 7th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Sandi Toskvig’s Tory C*nts And Jan Moir’s Unnatural Gays Are A Delight

ON the BBC Radio 4 News Quiz, presenter Sandi Toksvig recalled the posters held aloft at the TUC and student protests against cuts and made an ‘original’ quip:

“It’s the Tories who have put the ‘n’ into cuts.”

That was October last year at 6:30pm and again at 12:30pm in a repeat.

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (6)

The Great Moodini Will Return: Oh, Yes, He Will Return

WHAT went wrong, Great Moodini. Tell us. What. Went. Wrong?! We go to Atlanta, in search of answers…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Cheryl Cole X Factor Fix: Sophie Amogbokpa, A Visa And It’s All About The Money

CHERYL Cole has is heading back to the US version of the X Factor. Maybe.

An “insider” told The News Of The World:

“This is the biggest surprise of the lot – Cheryl is back. Who could possibly have predicted this – it appeared that Simon had dumped Cheryl for good? But behind the scenes Simon has been wooing Cheryl. And key executives at Fox all realised they had made a big mistake. They have been watching the tapes of her at the American auditions and realising that she could be a huge star over there.”

So much for the theory that an auto-tuned singer with a history of assaulting a black toilet worker would not go down all that well with Americans. It turns that that Cole is mega-talented. Jenny McCartney had this to say on the nation’s sweetheart in 2003:

On the night of the assault, Cheryl Tweedy was already wasted – on vodka and Red Bull, wine and complimentary champagne – when she staggered down to the ladies’ lavatories. There sat 38-year-old Sophie Amogbokpa, a black lavatory attendant, who earned a paltry £25 a night with which she funded her part-time law degree. In the course of a dispute – during which Miss Amogbokpa requested that Tweedy pay up for the sweets she had snatched – an energised Tweedy punched her very hard in the eye. In the pictures, Amogbokpa looked as if she had been horribly mugged: she suffered pain for weeks.

Tweedy was charged with both racially-aggravated assault and simple assault. The former hinged on whether she had called Miss Amogbokpa “a fucking bitch” as a witness claimed, or “a fucking black bitch” as Miss Amogbokpa subsequently claimed. The jury decided that there was not enough evidence that Tweedy’s assault was prompted by racism rather than uncomplicated viciousness, and so convicted her of plain assault. The judge called it “an unpleasant piece of drunken violence” for which Tweedy had shown “no remorse whatsoever”.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Jai McDowall Wins Britain’s Got Talent: Matt Cardle Kicks Telly

JAI McDowall is the winner of the Britain’s Got Talent.

Jean Marty did not win. Jean had talent. She reminded Anorak of one of this things that pop up in 1960’s horrors films to signify a mental breakdown. The starlet begins to spin, her mind a maelstrom of emotions and unsettling objects. Jean begins to play the piano. She beams. She winks.

The actress presses her hands to her ears and screams. Jean plays on. Laughing.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Sky News Presenter Makes Excuse-Laden Apology For ‘Light-Hearted’ Racism (Video)

ON SKY News, anchor John Mangos says of the Chinese lottery winner who chose to wear a mask when collecting his lottery winnings:

“I don’t know why he bothered. I mean, I can tell you now — he’s Chinese. He’s got straight black hair and he’s got squinty eyes and yellow skin.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

World’s Got Talent Presents Matrix – The Homing Dog

WORLDS’S Got Talent – Anorak’s search for a global superstar – journeys to France, where the Matrix Homing Dog….

Spotter: Daily Picks and Flicks.

So far:

Norway: Tonje Langeteig

USA: She’s Mad

USA: Mark Gormley
USA: Lori Watt

USA: Cutie Pattootie

France: Giorgio Moody

Russia: Edouard Hill

China: Bony Enemy

Australia: RAED

Brazil: Mr Brasilerio

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How The Media Fixed It For Ronan Parke To Be Famous: Britain’s Got Talent Fix Is A Fix

DID you know that Simon Cowell “FEARS” a “REVOLT” over BGT claims that the show is fixed for Ronan Parke to win? The Mail says Cowell is scared.

The fix is based on claims made by one anonymous source on a single blog post.

Those are the claims countered by lots of anonymous sources talking to newspaper, Simon Cowell (“[it’s all] complete and utter lies”) and, ultimately, by young Parke himself:

“I have never met Simon in my life. I’d love to, but I never have. I have been coached by a singing teacher in Norwich that we pay for. No one’s paid for our clothes or anything. It’s really silly… It’s just stupid that they’re making up such lies.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Ronan Parke BGT Fix: Unnamed Sources Go Head To Head As Old Media Takes On The Internet

IS Britain’s Got Talent a fix – a mere vehicle to make Poringland, Norfolk, lad Ronan Parke a star? The show says “no”. One anonymous blogger says “yes”. Simon Cowell’s company issues a denial. The newspapers report the claims on their front pages.

The Daily Star yells

“BGT IN FIX CLAIM SHOCK”

Shock?

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Father Of The Years: Dodgers Fan Drops Daughter (Video)

AT the LA Dodgers match, the dad lets got of this daughter – and he still drops the ball…

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Grand Rapids Lip Dub Video Can Save America?

THIS is the biggest lip dub video of all time. The Grand Rapids LipDub Video is even bigger than this. In it, 5,000 people who look like extras from a David Lynch film rescue a “dying city” by mouthing the words to Don McLean’s American Pie…

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How Simon Cowell ‘Fixed It’ For Ronan Parke To Win Britain’s Got Talent: He ‘Signed’ In 2009

ROANAN Parke is the fey, coy, nice 12-year old singer who was told he’d be a huge star by Britain’s Got Talent judge Louis Walsh. Said Walsh:

“Ronan Parke – remember that name. This kid is going to be a star.”

Why would a grown man tell that to a child? The show relies on public votes and the judges’ preferences. There can be no guarantees. Can there?

Parke, who seems to have been professionally styled, is in the show’s final. Stardom is within his reach. The Sun says:

SINGING sensation Ronan Parke could make his first million by Christmas – after signing a six-figure deal for the Britain’s Got Talent Tour 2011. Ronan, 12, is also favourite to scoop the £100,000 prize in Saturday’s final after Simon Cowell called him the new Justin Bieber.

He tells the Star:

“I’m only 12 and thanks to Britain’s Got Talent I have been recognised and asked for pictures and autographs. But I don’t have a girlfriend and I’m quite happy singing.”

So. Is it a fix for Ronan Parke to win BGT? Does Parke have any famous connections?

The Parkes are close friends of the Gunn family, and Norwich City legend Bryan Gunn said yesterday the families were planning to get together to watch the show last night. He said: “A lot of the speculation in the press has been saying that the winner could come from one of the younger entries. Of course we all think it will be Ronan. He is always singing around the house at home and when the family go round to friends for lunch Ronan always gives us a medley of his favourite songs.” The former goalkeeper’s daughter Melissa helped Ronan to put together his application for Britain’s Got Talent, and Ronan’s older brother Declan is friends with Mr Gunn’s son Angus.

No great help there.

But what of the rumour that Parke was signed to Cowell’s label in 2009? A source claiming to be a Sony insider says Parke has been groomed for stardom. He is not the simple talented lad off the street. If you believe BMG records fixed it for Katie Waissel to get on the X Factor last year, you might believe this. The open letter goes like this:

For reasons which will become obvious, I can’t reveal my full identity. But let me just say that, I am an executive with Sony Music UK with many years experience in music management [sic]. My work involves close liasion with Simon Cowell’s SYCO company (specifically SYCO Music and SYCO TV) and, as a result, I have seen what goes on from the inside and this has left me increasingly uncomfortable about the integrity of Britain’s Got Talent and particularly the workings of SYCO.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (8)

X Factor 2011: Gary Barlow Says ‘Take That’ To Dead Simon Cowell

SIMON Cowell is “DEAD”. Lest you doubt the veracity of that story, the Daily Star spells it out in big letters on its front page:

“TELLY KING COWELL IS DEAD”

Of course, you know this to be an untruth. Firstly, when Cowell does die, it will be hard to tell. His face may not change. His eyelid may droop a little further. But the greater face and hair do not move. To all intents and purposes there is no outward sign of life.

An insider tells Anorak that he thought Cowell had died in 2008. In panic, stopping only to use the great man’s phone to text a TV contract offer to Rik Waller and shine his boots on Simon’ s head, our woman on the inside shouted for help. Minutes passed. No-one came. And then she heard a slurping noise. Cowell was licking his eyeballs. He was ALIVE!

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Jan Moir On The Horrific Susan Boyle: Bullying Never Ends

BEING Jan Moir must be hard work. Competing week in and week out with the likes of Liz Jones and Richard Littlejohn to conjure the most bile-riddled story of the Daily Mail’s week, takes perseverance, bloody-mindedness and a monocular outlook that many believed would never move from novels on yellow paper to actual newspapers you can buy in actual shops.

The key to being bilious is consistency. And Moir has just lucked out. Today she tells us about Simon’s Cowell’s return to Britain’s Got Talent:

For as he returns to our television screens to judge the live final heats of the fourth series of Britain’s Got Talent, it is clear that the man who brought us Susan Boyle, Robson & Jerome, Il Divo and other assorted horrors too numerous to mention…

Anorak

Posted: 1st, June 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)