Sam Hollyman Rejects Britain’s Got Talent Publicly

SAM Hollyman, 15, will not win Britain’s Got Talent. The Stafford local rejected an invite to appear on the show when researchers saw his performance with Canadian star Michael Bublé at Birmingham’s NIA.

But surely BGT is the idea launch pad to embark on a meteoric career? It might be – so long as you sign the contract.

Says mum Paula:

“We had calls from various agents and were obviously thrilled when Britain’s Got Talent rang to ask Sam to audition. They sent through a very detailed contract which you have to sign before auditioning… He loves what he’s doing now, he does a weekly acoustic night, yet he wouldn’t be able to do any of that if he went on the show.”

Anorak

Posted: 18th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Face Of TV Silences Phone Sex Story In High Court

WHO is the TV star who won a High Court order that prevents the woman (yes, it as a woman – single one on disability benefits) with whom he had “telephone sex” from relating her story to the Sunday Mirror’s readers? (Guess among yourselves – we can’t publish his name.)

Mr Justice Eady, for it is he, says the couple must be known only as CDE and FGH. The woman is LMN. CDE twice met with LMN at her home.

“The application is intended to protect them all, so far as possible, against the inevitable intrusion a newspaper publication would make into their private and family lives.

“She nevertheless conducted a kind of quasi-relationship with him ‘on and off’ between about March 2009 and February 2010 by means of telephone, texts, emails and tweets. Intimate and personal thoughts were exchanged and there was also a good deal of flirtation and sexual innuendo.”

Anorak

Posted: 18th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Dancing On Ice: Elen Rivas Pulls On John Terry’s Chelsea As McLachlan Pushes Off

ELEN Rivas will not be dropped on her head, have a finger sliced off or shatter her pelvis. At least she will not on prime-time telly. The current tabloid companion of Mr Peter Andre has been voted off Dancing On Ice. Also not though to the next round – or the competition proper as the current conceit goes – is the man who once played Kylie Minogue’s big brother on Neighbour’s, Craig McLachlan.

In defeat, Craig offered the kind of brutal self-assessment that’s often missing from less starry sports:

“Now that I’ve come this far I would love the opportunity to push myself further.”

Anorak

Posted: 17th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

RAF Unveils New Harrier Jet: Video

THE new Harrier Jump Jet for austerity Britain is in:

Anorak

Posted: 17th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Britain’s Got Talent 2011: Wendy Vanity

BRITAIN’S Got Talent 2011: Anorak’s exclusive look at the most talented unsung peoples in the country right now. Introducing Wendy Vainity:

Anorak

Posted: 16th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

McDonald’s Opens First Paddle-Thu Restaurant In Australia

PRESENTING the world’s first paddle-thu McDonald’s. It’s in Australia. The second store is due to open at Thailand’s floating market soon. After that, McDonald’s will open outlets in a post-globally warmed Holland, Maldives…

Anorak

Posted: 16th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Britain’s Got Talent: If You Want To Get A Head Get A Laminated Forehead

BRITAIN’S Got Talent is auditioning in The Opera House, Manchester. And all eyes were on the foreheads. Amanda Holden, Ant ‘n’ Dec and David Hasselhoff have faces that should make a huge-noggined alien from the planet Zorb feel right at home.

The aim seems to be to make the average looking – Holden; Ant ’n’ Dec; Hasselhoff (if you live in Malibu (pint of) everyone looks like him) – that little bit better than the performing hopefuls they can patronise and elevate to celebrity standard.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, January 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

Laura Hall Is Back: Woman Banned From Every Pub In England Gets BBC Show

IN case you wondered where she’s been since she hit the headlines last year, Laura ‘Party Hard’ Hall is back. She became famous for being banned from every Pub in England and Wales following a series of drunken incidents in Pubs in the Bromsgrove area.

The BBC are featuring her in a documentary in their ‘Dangerous Pleasures’ season. It will tell the story of how she has turned her life around after rehab.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (6)

The French Clairvoyant Never It Coming (Video)

THE French clairvoyant never saw it coming. In some parts of France, they call this “reasoning”…

Anorak

Posted: 12th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Miriam O’Reilly Beats The BBC’s Shaggable Chart

MIRIAM Miriam has taken on the BBC and won. She maintained that she’d been dropped from the Beeb’s Countryfile show beamne of her age and her sex. She’s 53.

At the tribunal, then, and O’Reilly wins her case for age discrimination. It also agreed that she had been victimised. And this means she’s in line for damages.

The BBC accepts the verdict and says:

“We will ensure that senior editorial executives responsible for these kind of decisions in the BBC undergo additional training in the selection and appointment of presenters, and produce new guidance on fair selection for presenter appointments.”

Anorak

Posted: 11th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (10)

Thunderbirds Stamps Are Go: Also Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, Fireball XL5, Supercar And Stingray

GERRY Anderson’s Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet, Joe 90, Fireball XL5, Supercar and Stingray feature on a new set of Royal Mail Special Stamps.
Anderson’s programmes began with Supercar in 1961.

The Queen still features and has not been replaced by Lady Penelope. But Her Majesty might well envy the four motions stamps, which when tilted back and forth count down to launch from 5.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

American Idol To Be A 3D Cartoon

AMERICAN Idol is now without Simon Cowell (now plated in solid gold) and Paula Abdul (covered in Terry’s All Gold). But as the cover of Entertainment Weekly shows, the singing contest now features animatronic likenesses of Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest and Randy Jackson.

There is also a creature among them that looks like a character from Fraggle Rock wearing Joan’s Rivers’ second face. It might be Steve Tyler.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

BBC Sells Junior EastEnders Range Of Pro-Depressive Pills

EVERYONE is talking about EastEnders. The Association of Social Workers And Life has criticised the BBC for selling a range of Junior ‘Enders clothing and tools. This is in response to the case of Keith Davidson, a 12-year-old schoolboy who formed his own ‘Junior Slaters’.

Since late 2009, he and his troupe have been screeching in the street, painting themselves orange, and having a baby every three months.

Last week, Davidson lived in his dad’s garage for seven hours without access to a mobile telephone, during which time he confessed to robbing two banks, holding up the postman at gun point and gassed his sisters’ dolls in a cut-and-shunt car.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

How Katie Waissel And The X Factor Ruined Sheila Vogel-Coupe’s Cottage Industry

THANKS to Katie Waissel and the X Factor, we got to meet the delightful Sheila Vogel-Coupe.

She’s been on This Morning, sat on the comfy chair to talk to Eamonn Holmes and his wife Ruth Langsford about his life since her porn film the Great British Granny Bang reached the attention of the mainstream press.

She tells them that she loves her family, even if they have been “judgemental”, and:

“Katie joined the X Factor and went to the press. She has ruined my career. I’m afraid she has. But I still wish her well and I love her.”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)

EastEnders Cot Death Horror: Pat’s Face Cancer And Ian’s Diarrhea

THAT EastEnders baby swap/ cot death / psychotic mummy storyline is slice of life stuff. If you have been affected by anything you’ve seen on the BBC show, then you’re probably too far gone to find your own arse with one hand.

News is that Samantha Womack, who plays miserable nutter Ronnie Branning, is so disgusted by the plot she must have known about before she acted it out that she’s quit.

Since it aired, she’s been accosted in the street by a person who called her “a murdering ****’”

The person then asked Sam why EastEnders is no much less depressing than real life. Why-oh-why has no-one been mauled to death by a muscular family pet?

Anorak

Posted: 7th, January 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment

If Nigella Lawson Presented The Weather Like A Sex Chat Line (Video)

IF Nigella Lawson presented the weather, she’d do it like Weather Channel presenter Stephanie Abrams. She’d talk about being unloaded on. She’s talk about the weather going in and out. She’d moisten a finger and hold it up the wind…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Dramatic Kitten Stays In The Picture

THE kitten stays in the picture:

Anorak

Posted: 6th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Only Marcus Brigstocke Can Make Keanu Reeves Smile: A Meme Is Born

Anorak

Posted: 6th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Snooki’s Book Is Like Listening To A Parrot Murdering Raymond Chandler

SNOOKI, aka Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, a half-pint–sized MTV fetish, star of Jersey Shore – a show set on a New Jersey beach but modelled on life in a Blackpool theme bar’s toilets in 1981 – has written a book.

The book is called “A Shore Thing”. The current lead Amazon review tells us:

By A. Martinez “Phesto” (Brooklyn, NY United States) –

I had run out of toilet paper and noticed that someone had left a copy of this wonderful book on the floor. Believe me this ain’t no Charmin but in a desperate situation it came in quite handy. Thank you Snooki for creating this fun filled emergency bum wipe.

But enough of that. What says Snooki? Well, here a few highlights from her tome. Think Raymond Chandler coming round after an emergency ab-realignment procedure and being faced with a stuffed parrot repeating his words to the foreign, non-English speaking surgeon.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

The Dog Steals The Sledge And Makes Off

THE dog takes the sledge and heads off down the slope. Now, if he can find a few reindeer…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)

Nicholas Owen Presents The Harbinger Of Doom For 2011

NICHOLAS Owen presents the harbinger of doom for 2011 on the BBC’s News 24. Here’s Matt Taylor – be afraid….

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Russian Baby Yoga Is All Kinds Of Wrong

IT’S Russian. It’s yoga. It’s Russian baby yoga:

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, January 2011 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Only Way Is Essex: Sam Faiers Spray Tan And Vimto Party

HAPPY new year to all Oompah Loompahs and their enthusiasts from the gang at The Only Way Is Essex star Sam Faiers’s spray tanning party – now on TwitPic (with added Twittyness). If indeed that is what this picture is of and it’s not an advert for a new range of glow in the dark Iceland buffet treats?

Anorak

Posted: 31st, December 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

One Man And His Collection Of VHS Video Recorders: A Video

ONE man will now show you his collection of video recorders, and his spun hair.

Spotter: YouRuddyGuys

Anorak

Posted: 29th, December 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment

Hugh Hefner And Crystal Harris’s Sextette Video: Love For Two

HUGH Hefner is to marry Crystal Harris. We know about the sex with the Playboy king – you can read all about the joys of it here. But what do we know about the proposal? Was it decent? Did he go down on one knee?

Thankfully, we have unearthed this video that shows pretty much how it musty have gone – albeit with the world’s firth best James Bond (Timothy Dalton) playing Hefner wooing the world’s Harris played by the world’s foremost anorak (Mae West).

Anorak

Posted: 28th, December 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment