TV & Radio Category
Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
Danny Baker’s Not In The Cannibal Pot Tonight: Radio Star Has Cancer
DANNY Baker is ill. The most talented, amusing, entertaining, insightful, likable people in showbiz – one of a small handful of reasons to pay the BBC licence fee – has cancer. He writes:
Hello cats and kittens,
Apologies for the cloak and d. over recent weeks. However as it appears this is going to continue for the forseeable I really ought to offer up some sort of breadcrumbs trail as to what’s going on. (As you know I am queasy about introducing vulgar real life onto the vaudeville stage so let’s keep this crisp.)
After a pretty mouldy diagnosis about a month back I finally begin chemotherapy on Monday with further radiotherapy from January. Yes radiotherapy; can you beat it? This being so, the old treehouse baggy pants will be donned but sparingly. Once the quacks have soundly thrashed this thing I shall return like a rare gas and as if out of a trap. In the meantime I am watching Tommy Steele box sets (and has there ever been a more lying title to a film than TS’s “It’s All Happening”?) and urge you all to keep yakking up a storm and laugh extra loud at the incumbents.
Thank you for all the best wishes and concern from those who suspected as much about my “condition” and by all means keep ringing up Baylen and Amy to demand more and more Atomic Rooster and Spooky Tooth records.
So. Manly handshake. Walk right on. In the words of King George, “What what and there it is…”
DB
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Posted: 1st, November 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (7)
X Factor: Jay Kay On Shagging The ‘F*cking Useless’ Cheryl Cole
ON the X Factor, Jamiroquai lead singer Jay Kay is appraising Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue contributions to music:. They are, says Jay Kay, “fucking useless.”
“What are they going to tell me about fucking music?
“What the fuck. When have you ever done anything? You’re useless. The pair of you. I mean you look great and I’d like to fucking shag you but that’s all.”
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Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (12)
Pope’s UK Visit Set to Music: Video
THE Pope’s UK visit has been set to music by Darren Dutton.
Accepting payment in cash, kids, souls, newborns and mints…
The pick of the protest signs:
Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Apple Only Sells Censored South Park Muhammad Episodes: UK Fans Duped
ON iTunes you can buy the South Park: Uncensored, Season 14 for download. Only, you can’t. It’s the censored version.
Read: Islamists Threaten To Kill South Park Characters For Portraying Prophet Mohammed As A Bear
No jokes about Muslims and Muhammad for you. Jews? Yep. Apple says they are funny. Christians? Yep. Funny and dumb. Muslims. Very unfunny. Muslims aren’t allowed to see it in case they find it funny and spontaneously combust.
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Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor: Cher Lloyd And One Direction’s Zayn Malik’s Sexy Dating Games
X FACTOR agonists Cher Lloyd and One Direction’s Zayn Malik (Scary Bieber; aka Zain Malik) are getting off with each, playing spin the bottle, blushing, scribbling Cher 4 Zayn on the phone box and having babies too young – or whatever it is teens in love do.
So far Cher has been dating One Direction’s Harry Styles:
X Factor’s One Direction are fast becoming teen heartthrobs but it seems curly-haired Harry Styles may have only got eyes for one girl – Cher Lloyd (Metro – pictured)
“Secretly” dated Aiden Grimshaw – a source told the Mirror:
“It’s fair to say that everyone in boot camp knows that they have fallen for each other. It’s so obvious.”
And fallen for Liam Payne –
A fellow contestant told The Sun: “There was an obvious spark and everyone was talking about it. They just clicked. We thought they were pals as they were getting on like a house on fire. They soon disappeared though, and slipped into one of the rooms.”
Now, after a dire week on the X Factor in which no-one shone and the judge’s drivel about how tasty they all are made them look like witches seducing hapless passers by into the gingerbread house to devour, Cher is in love with Zayn. Together they are Chayn.
Lest you doubt the validity of the love, a source says in the NoTW:
“They’re completely into each other. Cher goes for bad boys and Zain very much fits the bill.”
What’s badder than an X Factor contestant in Justin Bieber’s hair, doing what Simon Cowell tells him and singing Bonnie Tylers Total Eclipse Of The Heart? Singing it twice?
Posted: 31st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (11)
X Factor Photos: Aiden Grimshaw Drops His Trousers As Matt Cardle Shops
X FACTOR 2010: It’s Week 4 of the finals and fans are gathering outside Fountain Studios in Wembley for the show’s recording. Matt Cardle walks past us looking like he’s on his way to B&Q to buy some leaded paint for Katie Waissel’s bedroom. Dermot O’Leary turns – literally. Right here. Dermot O’Leary. On. This. Page. He literally turns. The Jamie Oliver of presenting is here. Now.
And Mary Byrne gives us a wave. She’s got the common touch has Mary. Aiden Grimshaw drops his trousers and gives us the thumbs up. He looks intense. Do we look back or study our shoes? If he turns his thumb down we die…
Read: How The X Factor And Sony BMG Fixed It For Katie Waissel, aka Katie Vogel.
READ: The X Factor 2010: Where You’ve Seen The Fix Factor Finalists Before
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Posted: 30th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Matt Cardle Wants Katie Waissel Kicked Off X Factor: Photos
KATIE Waissel did not have sex with Matt Cardle in the X Factor house. This is a fact. This year’s designated hate figure did also not have sex with “fragile” Cher Lloyd, One Direction nor the smart leatherette chair that sits in the Conditoning lounge. What’s more she has never shagged stallion-like Aiden Grimhaw, the lady killer, nor Wagner, the “randy” “oddball” who really is a potential lady killer – literally.
READ: The story of the non-shag sold as an a tabloid exclusive here.
Says Cardle, the vocal Cuddle:
“That stuff about us being in bed together was absolute bullsh*t. Katie’s a fame hungry tw*t. I can’t say any more about it because nothing happened.”
Nothing happened. Got that? Nothing happened. There is no news. ‘Nuff said. Move on.
“I would never go near her. I’m not speaking to her, I don’t have anything to do with her in the house. I’ve made my feelings absolutely clear and if she doesn’t get it by now then she’s more stupid than I thought.”
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Posted: 30th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor 2010: ‘Menacing Bully’ Wagner Carrilho Could Have Killed Ex-Wife Trudi Brass
X FACTOR 2010: Wagner Carrilho is the antidote to miming Cheryl Cole and talentless pop pap being sold to a slack-jawed audience as musical wonder. So time, then, for Wagner looks like Robert Downey Junior look alike in Britney Spears hair to be rubbished and smeared. Meet Trudi Brass, here to tell one and all that her ex-husband is a “menacing, possessive bully”. (Did Brass sell her story for money?)
The Sun’s Colin Robertson calls Wagner an “oddball”. He is “the barmy Brazilian”. He is a “controlling brute” who married Rudi 18 years ago and split from her not long after. They divorced in 1996.
After just six weeks of marriage, Trudi “took out an injunction to keep him away”. Wagner denies being possessive. But in case you did not get the message that he’s not nice, we learn:
She even feared the stress of being with Wagner could KILL her as she recovered from cancer.
Stephen Fry’s Support For X Factor’s Wagner: Update
Says Trudi:
“He was lively and fun, but soon became very possessive and I thought, ‘This isn’t what I want’. I found him menacing, he was so intense it was scary. Even on our wedding night we went to a pub and he started to become possessive. I was talking to a man and he said, ‘Why are you talking to him?'”
X Factor 2010: Wagner Fiuza Carrilho Is The Cheryl Cole Antidote We Crave
Yep, they went to pub on their wedding night. Such is the romance between the singer and the chiropractor.
“He got very upset and would shout. He was never violent but his outbursts were scary. I thought, ‘This isn’t doing me any good’. Six weeks into the marriage I realised I wanted it to end. I’d had a cervical cancer scare and was in remission, but I knew that stress could bring it on again. It was unhealthy. My mother died of cancer and I didn’t want it to happen to me.”
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Posted: 30th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor Week 4 Songs: Wagner’s Bat Of Hell And Mary Byrne’s Magic
X FACTOR Week 4: It’s Halloween Week. No confirmation that Sharon Osbourne is to make a return to the show but we do have the full playlist. Is anyone brave enough to do Michael Jackson’s Thriller? Can Matt Cardle slow it down and sing with an acoustic guitar in way that makes the smash hit look earnest, meaningful and dull? But not-one – not one of them – will come close to the majesty that is Screamin’ Jay Hawkins:
Wagner Carillho: Bat Out Of Hell (Meatloaf)
Wagner wins! The Cheryl Cole antidote is shoo-in to make it into Week 5.
Mary Byrne – Could It Be Magic (Barry Manilow, Take That)
Halloween? Maybe Mary will just open her mouth even wider?
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Posted: 29th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Jersey Shore Halloween Costumes Scarier Than X Factor
MTV’s Jersey Shore inspires MTV to launched a Halloween outfits based on Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino, Pauly D, Snooki and all the other horrors.
Anorak Inc is pleased to announce our own range of horror outfits, allowing you to pretend to be Noel Edmonds, Anthea Turner, Cheryl Cole, X Factor judges, Amanda Holden…
Order now!
Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
The X Factor Machine Turns Oscar Wilde Fan Aiden Grimshaw Into A Sex God
X Factor Aiden Grimshaw is getting the Joe McElderry treatment. Grimshaw, the singer who looks like Jennifer Capriati being told “No”, is not gay. Look beyond the camp stance and the Oscar Wilde T-shirts, and know that the teenager is not a gay man nor is he a womaniser.
Before he came out as gay, McElderry was the subject of a PR plot delivered as tabloid news that had him yearning for the show’s other 2009 agonist Rachel Adedeji. This in the Mirror:
X Factor heartthrob Joe McElderry is hoping love will blossom with former contestant Rachel Adedeji. Geordie Joe – now bookies’ favourite to win thanks to a huge fan base of adoring teenage girls – became close to Rachel during her time in the X Factor house. And the pair have since spent hours on the phone to each other. “Joe thinks Rachel’s totally amazing,” our source said. “They were best mates in the house but he’d like her to be his girlfriend.
Only Joe is gay.
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Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor 2010: Cher Lloyd And Katie Waissel Work On Their Hate
THE long gap between the short songs on the X Factor is fuelled by Katie Waissel stories about how much she is “hated”.
The aim is simple: keep Katie in the news headlines and create a polarity of opinion among the show’s fans.
But she’s not alone in being the topic of the PR storm. The tabloid focus is on Katie and Cher Lloyd.
The narrative is that Cher Lloyd is “fragile”. The Mirror reports that Simon Cowell has asked One Direction to look after “fragile” Cher.
And here’s hated Katie, or rather hated Katie’s caring dad Maurice. He tells the Mail:
“I’ve had Katie sobbing on the phone to me every night. She’s had death threats sent to her over the internet, and we’ve had to ask the police to intervene. Only the other night, Katie said to me: ‘Dad, what’s the point in going on if everyone hates me?’
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Posted: 28th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
X Factor: Cher Lloyd Gets A Burqa To Escape Daily Mail
X Factor 2010: The Mail says that X Factor’s Team America action figure Cher Lloyd “plasters her make-up on… with a trowel”.
Here’s what “Daily Mail reporter” has to say:
The luminous singer was spotted out in London yesterday, with her face caked in orange foundation, making for a rather unflattering look.
Whatever your views on Cher Lloyd, she’s a young woman whose had stars placed in her eyes. And sometime you can’t win. A few weeks back the Mail was criticising her for not showing her face.
The live X Factor shows haven’t even begun yet and it looks like the fame may already be going to the head of teen contestant Cher Lloyd. The 17-year-old hopeful was accompanied by two assistants and covered by a pashmina as she popped out of rehearsals to get some money from a cashpoint yesterday.
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Posted: 27th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Paul O’Grady Auditions For UK’s Daily Show: Jon Stewart Might Worry (Video)
PAUL O’Grady used his show to attack the the coaliton Government. He called them “bastards”:
“Talking of nits – George Osborne, what do we think? I’d sooner have Ozzy Osbourne as chancellor. At least with Ozzy the only cuts would be the f-ing and blinding from his speech. Do you know what got my back up? Those Tories hooping and hollering when they heard about the cuts. Gonna scrap the pensions – yeah! – no more wheelchairs – yeah! Bastards. I do apologise for the language, that just fell out. I bet when they were children they laughed in Bambi when his mother got shot.”
Will O’Grady now use his platform for more than to chat about pets, stars’ new albums and sentimental trips down memory lane?
Posted: 26th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor: Cher ‘Lies’, Cheryl ‘Mimes’ And Why It’s All Make Believe
X FACTOR’S Cher Lloyd – a shoo-in to play the young Dot Cotton in the EastEnders movie – was the winner in waiting until Simon Cowell created One Direction and got them kitted out in Justin Bieber’s hair.
Cher is being billed as talent. But the X Factor is not a talent show. The X Factor is bit of telly, with characters, a plot, editing, styling and scripts. Cher says she wrote her own raps. This video below says she’s wrong.
Katie Waissel knows the BMG hierarchy and Dermot O’Leary’s manager. The rest you’ve seen before as extras on various other shows. Cheryl Cole mimes and there is no irony in her then judging others singing ability because – you – see – Cheryl has just been on the telly to weep about her private life and the media intrusion.
Cheryl Cole is not a great talent spotter and musical mentor. Dannii Minogue isn’t either. Nor is Louis Walsh. Nor is Simon Cowell. They are TV presenters we watch because there is something about them that we find interesting.
Just today the Sun stells us that Simon Cowell and Walsh have been in a “bust up“. Cowell calls Walsh a “Mosquito“. Walsh says he and Si “had a row“. The Sun’s front page tells of “bitter in-fighting”.
Cheryl can’t go on Piers Morgan’s show to weep because she’s
“tearful”.
And the show goes on because we the viewers want it to. And we will get the postars we deserve…
Posted: 25th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Cassetteboy vs Billy Connolly: Making New Jokes Out Of Old Ones
CASSETTEBOY has gone to work on Billy Connolly – he’s making new jokes out of old ones.
Posted: 25th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Stock Car Racing Video Of The Day: The Autosculpture
STOCK Car Racing Video Of The day takes us to the Last Chance Heat 2 at Ipswich World Final 2010. One man in the crowd gets excited at the Autosculpture.
Featured crash enthusiasts are: 133 Werzal, Boogiemen, 298 Showman, 597 Shane Lines and 241 Liam Cracknell.
While you were watching the corporate F1:
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Posted: 25th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor 2010: Cheryl Cole Tucks Her Sex Into Susan Boyle’s Hairy Knickers
X FACTOR 2010: highlights from the Week 3 results show:
Cheryl Cole mimes a musical version of hearing aide beige. She’s not singing live – the performance was recorded an hour earlier. That’s much like Susan Boyle did on America’s Got Talent. But while Susan was attacked for not being able to hack it as she sang a slow version of the Rolling Stones’ track Wild Horses, Cheryl is a national treasure for miming to every 1980s Euro pop song you heard all at once.
The key difference between them is that Cheryl forgets to pull her skirt back down over her stockings and gives her primary sexual characteristics an airing. Susan relies on her voice and an aura of sexual mystery.
Dermot O’Leary and Michael Buble dress like their on a themed Stag Night in a venue on the Essex/Hertfordshire borders.
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Posted: 25th, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Dragons’ Den’s James Caan Will Buy Your Baby (Dr Barnardo, Mr Pied Piper And Lindy Chamberlain’s Dingo Are Out)
JAMES Caan will buy your baby. For ca$$$$H. Caan is one fire-breathing reptile on TV’s Dragons’ Dean, that merciless show in which people climb a steep staircase to be confronted with a bench of five vain, smirking, sardonic celebrity moneymen who will take your imagination and ingenuity and mock you for a big slice of the pie.
Caan the one who wants to be liked, the earnest smoothy who will place his heart-worn-arm about your shoulder and tell you that your idea cannot be efficiently exploited to make him richer.
He will buy your baby! He will also buy their image rights. Caan’s first nest egg is a baby he’s met in Pakistan. He’s on the telly looking at the effects of the recent flood. Because what Pakistan needs is a celebrity element to help it get noticed on the news. Caan is with a film crew. He’s in a village offering the parents 100,000 rupees (£725) for their baby. He wants 100% of their produce.
Caan says his brother has need of a baby. So. The money’s there. Take it or leave it. But best hurry. There are no other offers on the table. Dr Barnardo, Mr Pied Piper and that dingo are all out.
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Posted: 24th, October 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
X Factor 2010 Week 3 Live Blog: Guilty Pleasures
X FACTOR Week 3: Live Blog: It’s Guilty Pleasures night. Which is pretty much sums up the X Factor. Also why is the show sponsored by Top Shop? Answer: because its owner and Cowell want to create a new Disney in Europe. The show:
Katie Waissel sings that monkey’s song from The Jungle Book.
Like watching a matinée on a rainy day while sat next to woman in wet red cagoule. You just stare wand wait to be told it’s finished and you can leave.
Wagner. This. Year’s. Winner.
Robert Downey Junior meets Britney Spears.
And it is awful.
Bell Amie – So. Which one is the worst singer? Tough call.
But if’you’re a David Bellamy tribute act does the singing matter? It’s all about the beards. More beards next week , girls. if you survive.
Aisel stand bwy yweooo
Aiden Grimshaw brings back memories of the mruder of John Lennon with Jealous Guy.
Cheryl gets it but is not sure we at home do. She’s in the biz. We are merely drones waiting to be told what to like and buy.
Aiden looks like Jennifer Capriati. And is taller than Dermot. Two plus points, we feel.
Mary Byrne bellows I Who Have Nothing. She really does sing every song one way. It’s not a bad way -e big and bold. But a night of it would leave you weeping and scared.
Cheryl says:
“You represent real women [translation: overweight drudges] I don’t want to look at the screen or anything, I’m just taken by you.”
Go on, Mary tell her to **** off. Cheryl will respect you for it. Because – like yous shee’s welll reeeeel.
Treyc – Her guilty pleasure is singing a bit of Whole Lotta Love while dressed as the Muppet’s American Eagle.
Very forgettable.
One Direction look like a public school water polo team.
One of them’s called Harry. They sing Nobody Knows by Pink. Yep, five boys’ guilty pleasure is singing:
If I could pretend that I’m asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows
It’s not the Birdie Song, Smiley Culture’s Police Officer or the Tom Robinson Band’s ode to trucking. It’s Pink’s weepy crap-fest. One Direction. One Haircut. No Personality.
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Posted: 23rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
X Factor 2010: Cheryl Cole Will Use Auto-Tune To Preserve Song’s ‘Purity’
ON the X Factor Cheryl Cole will most likely use auto-tune to warble her new song Promise This. Last year she lip-synced.
Why? Well, as she says:
Unless you’re recording a live, unplugged studio or concert album, then every artist has to use auto-tuning, they have done for years and years. All it does really is tidy everything up, and make it perfect. Otherwise, the smallest of sounds or imperfections – if you breathe too deeply or too loudly, for instance – comes up and ruins the purity of the track.
It’s vital, especially for artists who dance vigorously when they sing – you need to hear the voice clearly during an elaborate dance move, not someone wheezing!
Nothing preserves the purity of a singer’s voice than computer software that distorts it. It’s what opera singers swear by…
Posted: 23rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
X Factor: Diana Vickers’ Translated
WHEN Diana Vickers sang on the X Factor we too wondered what language she was using. Or was she using them all at once in her tune My Wicked Heart (aka Maaaiii Wiiiquid Hurtt)?
In this video, the words are transcribed for you to decipher and try to understand the message within…
Posted: 23rd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
BBC Nick Robinson Smashes Anti-War Sign On Air
BBC political reporter Nick Robinson smashes a sign being held by an anti-war protester trying to get on the 6 O’Clock News bulletin
Give peace a chance, Nick -, of the John Sweeney school of journalism:
After the news was over, I grabbed the sign and ripped it up – apparently you can watch video of my sign rage in full glorious technicolour on the web. I lost my temper and I regret that. However, as I explained afterwards to the protesters who disrupted my broadcast, there are many opportunities to debate whether the troops should be out of Afghanistan without the need to stick a sign on a long pole and wave it in front of a camera.
I am a great believer in free speech but I also care passionately about being able to do my job reporting and analysing one of the most important political stories for years.
Posted: 22nd, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (7)
Stephen Fry’s Support For X Factor’s Wagner: Update
WE brought you news that Stephen Fry is supporting Wagner to win the X Factor. Fry reacts:
“Can’t decide what’s funnier: the way (the video) is cut together or that some really believe I’m talking about the X Factor Wagner!”
No time to change your tune now, Stephen. Hitler’s favourite must win:
X Factor 2010: Wagner Fiuza Carrilho Is The Cheryl Cole Antidote We Crave
The X Factor 2010: Where You’ve Seen The Fix Factor Finalists Before
Posted: 21st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
The Condom Bagpipe: Things That Exist
THE Condom Bagpipe. It exists:
Posted: 21st, October 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
