TV & Radio Category
Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
X Factor ‘Nutter’ Shirlena Johnson Proves Why We Love Cynical Simon’s Show
SHIRLENA Johnson will not be on the X Factor again. The Tiger Wood’s look-alike’s mangled version of Mercy by Duffy was the most interesting thing on the show.
At one point she squatted down on the stage and while we looked for a telltale puddle, she grunted and sighed. Was this was the X Factor’s watershed moment (literally) when the show would go X-rated?
Well, no. The autotune machine in Simon Cowell’s head flashed into life and put Shirlene through to Boot Camp. Said he:
“I have to say I love you – you’re completely crazy, but I like that.”
Now that she has been kicked out for having mental illness (something she denies), he adds:
“I’m devastated. It’s heartbreaking. Shirlena desperately wanted to do this to make a better life for herself and her daughter. I feel she may now struggle to do that.”
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Posted: 25th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)
X Factor: Shirlena Johnson’s ‘Mental Illness’ Makes Her Susan Boyle 2
SHIRLENA Johnson, of Whitechapel, London, is to be removed from the X Factor because she is “ticking timebomb”. And that makes her the new Susan Boyle.
Well, so says the Sun, which leads with news that howling autotune product with the John Wayne gait “hid mental illness”.
Did she hide it under her Ken Dodd wig? Did she hide it when she howled and said that we all need mercy? Or is her health her own business and not the stuff of tabloid gossip about a rigged show in which Katie Waissll is promoted and singers the judges like are mutated?
And Shirlena has already missed out on a part in Miss Great Britain’s Essex hearts. To be the most beautiful woman in Essex you need to be no older than 29. Shirlena said she was 28 on her entry form but is actually 30.
But the best bit about Shirlena is that she is giving Jan Moir a Jan Moir moment:
Some even said that the men in white coats should have been called when Shirlena started singing. Simon said approvingly that she was ‘fantastically nuts’. In a good way.
Isn’t mental illness funny. Get this in the Sun:
WORRIED medics last night claimed X Factor star Shirlena Johnson is a “ticking timebomb” – as fragile as troubled singer Susan Boyle…
That’s Susan Boyle, the multi-millions-album selling artist, who has NOT cracked up in the face of constant media speculation on her mental health? Bet Shirlena can’t wait to go kaboom.
Psychiatrists have declared she has a series of problems which may affect her ability to care for Mariah.
That’s Mariah, her three-year-old daughter.
A medical source said: “Shirlena is as fragile as Susan Boyle was – but the difference is that Susan didn’t have a child to worry about.”
No. Susan Boyle had a cat. She never tossed it in the bin. Did she? Did she?!
“…Sadly Shirlena is not in the best of health. She has been described by expert professionals as a ‘ticking timebomb’.”
No expert professionals are cited, but we do get to hear from the unnamed “source”, who is happy to speculate on a person’s mental health:
“We watched the show on Saturday and – rather than thinking, ‘She’s so quirky’ like the rest of Britain – it just gave me the shivers. She is not a well woman.”
Or as Jan Moir outs it,– “she’s nuts”. Cue a debate on mental health…
Posted: 24th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (5)
X Factor Autotune Gives The Amateurs A Cheryl Cole Moment
HATS off to the X Factor judiciary for getting wannabes ready for a professional career in pop music by showcasing Sony BMG pal Katie Waissel and mutating the amateurs’ voices in the Autotune mangle.
Says one source who watched the show:
“It’s still grossly unfair. While Cheryl Cole gets to lip sync, the likes of Gamu Nhengu have to actually sing all the words in order. It’s just unprofessional. Autotune is a start but until they allow the singers to mime like a pro, I’ll be watching the show with the volume turned off.”
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Posted: 23rd, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)
The Worst Hit And Run Ever
TODAY’s video is how to perform a hit and run – and how not to:
Posted: 22nd, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor: Cheryl Cole Drops And Simon Cowell Opens His Mind In Video
THE X Factor is back. That melange of syrups, spite and sycophancy is back on the telly. The newspapers trail the show with pictures of Cheryl Cole collapsed on her judging desk at Simon Cowell’s school for pop pap. The mojo has drained from her hair.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage (in photos)
She is as spent as glamour model after a Grosvenor House spit roast.
To promote the show the ITV mandarins have released images of the moment Cheryl fell ill with malaria. Those of you who thought the disease could not be an entertaining as, say, Tourette’s, are challenged. Ever observant of the human condition, Simon Cowell asks Cole: “Are you ill?” Cole battles on. Singers will be judged!
But what is going through Cowell’s mind as he sits and looks on?
Why, this is:
Posted: 21st, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Big Brother Epitaph: ‘You Know What Your Claim To Fame Is? This. Good For You’
BIG Brother waved goodbye to Frank Spencer look-alike John James, Sam Pepper, that walking rash of a demented mating between Sue Perkins and David Baddiel, Lorraine Chase lite Corin Forshaw, someone called Jo Butler, and no–feet, one-eyed former soldier Steve Gill, who was once a shoo-in to win the show. For you there is one-way trip the EU Celebrity Mountain in a silo near Brussels.
For Andrew, Dave, JJ, Josie and Mario there is stay of execution. One of them will win the show on Tuesday night. Yeah, Tuesday night, that TV dead zone, where the best thing on the magic box is the DVD you didn’t return from the weekend.
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Posted: 21st, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Nedzad Klicic Is Bosnia’s Rambo-Negger – Hollywood Awaits
NEDZAD Klicic is born for action. In Bosnia.
Nedžad Kličić is heroic.
In the Balkans.
In this showreel, Nedzad dresses up and shoots at stuff in a homerotic way that remain accessible to a family audience.
As he says, Hollywood agents, get in line…
And his sidekick Snake-Bo stays in the picture.
(Look down for the sit-down wee – tip: Robert Popper)
Spotter: Andrew Sullivan
Posted: 20th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Bull Jumps Fence And Charges At Man In Red T-Shirt
BULL runs into crowd a bullfighting event. Look how he goes for the man in the red T-shirt.
No. It’s not the colour the bull dislikes. tis; the logo. Bulls hate Chicago…
Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
X Factor: Will Shagger Olly Murs Ever Get To Play With Robbie Williams?
THE X Factor is due to crash onto your TV screens soon and that means it’s time to find out what happened to last season’s runner-up Olly Murs, blonde Robbie Williams tribute act Olly Murs.
The Sun’s Gordon Smart says Murs has the “winning formula”, is a “star” and had an “incredible year”. (The hermetically sealed snow globe?)
X Factor: Olly Murs Look-Alike Gallery
Murs has had good pop songs and hits? No. But he has shagged more women than Nick Clegg – “at least thirty”.
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Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (8)
The World’s Greatest Pole Dancer Is On Video
ALL hail the world’s greatest pole dancer!
What does he do for an encore?
What doesn’t he do?!
Spotter: Rumor Rat
Posted: 19th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Whitney Houston Give Birth To Twins On Stage: Video
TO the Philippines, where Whitney Houston is playing a secret gig. She’s looking a lot better. And she sounds terrrrrri-fic.
And she’s brought the twins. She’s giving birth to them on stage.
This is talent. This is Houston. This is a lift off to the greatest comeback everrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
Update: It might not be her?
Posted: 17th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Gangsta Hit By Ice Cream Van As He Does Teach Mr How To Doogie Dance
IN this video a gangsta is hit by ice cream truck while dancing to “Teach Me How To Dougie”.
Spotter: Matt Jordan
Posted: 15th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Liu Wei Challenges Susan Boyle By Playing Piano With His Toes
LIU Wei raises the stakes in the worldwide bid to be the next Susan Boyle by playing the piano with his toes.
Wei has no arms. It follows that she has no hands and fingers. Both arms were lost when she touched a high-voltage wire during a game of hide-and-seek. She was aged 10.
It may come as little surprise to know what Wei lives in China, the land that health and safety forgot.
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Posted: 14th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Channel Five Watch: Ian Wright Walks From ‘Popular’ Show Live From Studio Five
LIVE From Studio Five will have to make do without Ian Wight, the former Arsenal and England footballer who sat between two women rolling his eyes and rocking back and forth like a toddler waiting for crisps.
Wright has left the show, which the Star says was “successfully aired without him” and “left in the capable hands of his popular co-presenters, fiery former Apprentice star Kate Walsh and feisty Jane Middlemiss.”
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Posted: 13th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Woman Excited About Being On Cops TV Show As Sister Is Arrested
THIS woman is so excited at being on the TV as her sister is arrested by the local police. “County Law! County Law!” she screams in joy.
The show is a COPs-style show featuring police doing police stuff. If the Celebrity Police Force can’t nick Amy Winehouse, good they make stars of local loons…
Posted: 10th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Sneezing Girl Takes On ‘Bless You’ Boy In TV Fight
WHO will win when Sneezing Girl takes on ‘Bless You’ Boy in a fight to the death?
She can’t help it.
He can’t help himself.
Fight!
Posted: 9th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Channel Five Watch: Star And Express Pick Channel Five Pube Shows
WILL Richard Desmond’s takeover of Channel Five affect his papers’ editorial? Well, so far this week we’ve had a Channel Five show portrayed as front page news.
And now in the TV listings, more Channel Five shows are the picks of the day in both the Star and the Express.
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Posted: 6th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
The Pratt Fall Joke Of the Day – A Very Funny Video
BRITAIN Today. To Scotland where as the video brief tells us “a mate was locked out of the house so climbed up the porch and was trying the open the window when a drunk man from the pub walked by …….. watch and see what happened”.
It’s the stuff of the comedy greats.
Which reminds us of a joke:
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Posted: 6th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Daily Star Plugs Channel Five Reality Show As Front-Page News
IT would always take something big to knock Katie Price and Kerry Katona off the front page of the Star and that something is here. And it is gargantuan. It’s the Chawner family, the fattest family in tabloids.
Says the front-page headline:
“LARDY SCROUNGERS GET EVEN FATTER.”
News is that:
The defiant Chawner clan have piled on more weight after flunking a fat-fighting telly show.
The Chawners have dug their heels in. Either that or else they are sinking into the wooden floor on Lorraine Kelly’s Big Challenge, a TV show in which the fat are brought down to size – literally – by a faux folksy TV presenter with a heart of gold and a nice line in pity.
It turns out that, as a unit, the Chawners have piled on another four stone. TV really does add weight.
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Posted: 5th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Big Brother: Corin And JJ’s Pre-Sex Scene: Action
BIG Brother 11 is the show you haven’t been watching. But it has been as good as all the other Big Brothers.
Last night Lorraine Chase look-alike Corin (GG) told boxer JJ:
“You haven’t strung a sentence together with me since you have been here.”
Listen and learn, JJ. Corin is working on her sentence and almost has it perfected.
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Posted: 4th, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Piers Morgan To Replace Larry King In Pre-Recorded Cull?
PIERS Morgan is all set to replace Larry King on the telly in the US. We sent Madonna back. We’ve exported Morgan, Vicky Beckham and Sharon Osbourne. Cheryl Cole looks likely to relocate over there. And BP gave them an oil slick. Question: Is the UK pushing the special relationship to breaking point?
Our Man In LA reports:
Panic’s setting in among high-ranking overpaid staffers at Larry King Live.
We’ve learned that network president Jon Klein has set a date for Larry’s last regular show on the network and that a deal with new host Piers Morgan has been completed.
King, it seems, hasn’t been told yet that he’ll do his final regular show in early December. That task is being left up to his executive producer.
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Posted: 2nd, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
MediaWatch Spots Emmerdale Jam Rags But Misses ARSE Biscuits
ON Emmerdale, the ITV soap, the Dingle family’s shopping list contains a reminder to buy “Jam Rags”.
The phrase is said to refer to a feminine sanitary towel. And there is some shock in faming communities that anyone buys the thing and shuns the tried and tested method of a well-placed baby lamb – in soft focus and walking on a sunny beach, as is the way of all tampon advert son the telly, naturally.
Of course, it takes a certain type to even spot the thing on Marlon Dingle’s chalk board.
Vivienne Pattison, director of Mediawatch, is that person.
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Posted: 1st, August 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Jedward Enter Big Brother House: In Pictures
BIG Brother said goodbye to Benjamin Duncan, the fop in Ken Dodd’s dolly-dyed hair who has been evicted from the Big Brother house. And as he went out into the great hereafter, into the house went Jedward, those X Factor Duracell Gonks created by Simon Cowell’s pop school.
Housemates have been ordered to ignore Jedward – which is something may Britons has attempted to do for months now.
Jedward juddered and warble through their new single ‘All The Small Things’ in the garden.
“The housemates have been doing really well at this task but we are going to make it really hard for them to ignore us.”
All we says it, you get the entertainment you deserve…
Posted: 30th, July 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
The Best Dancing In The Rain Video Ever
THE Best Dancing video in the tain ever. Gene Kelly is retired…
The Anorak wins!
Posted: 27th, July 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Clean Eric Roberts In Celebrity Rehab – Up Next Celebrity Bestiality
JULIA ROBERTS’ brother Eric Roberts is booked into appear on the TV show Celebrity Rehab. The Express tells us:
Counsellor Dr. Drew Pinsky will attempt to help the star battle his substance abuse demons once and for all.
But Roberts has no addiction. His publicist Chuck Jones tells WENN:
“It’s not for anything serious. He’s not hooked on prescription meds or hard drugs or anything like that.”
So. What is he hooked on? Fame? TV? Being recognised? Cheese?
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Posted: 26th, July 2010 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
