TV & Radio Category
Television and radio programme reviews, trailers, highlights, twilights and cinema news. Also the neglected gems from years past.
Cupping An Ear To Russell Brand’s Wooden Wee
NEWS that Russell Brand has urinated in a paper cup while broadcasing his show on BBC Radio 2 is of interest.
Brand is the Star’s “RADIO PEE-JAY”, standing up before relieving himself into a cup. The one arena of doubt is on whether this happening
occured live or was a prerecorded wee?
But how can we be so certain what was heard was the sound of a man weeing into a cup, and one made of paper?
Rather than this being the passing of a cultural milestone, a Where Were You When..? moment, it harks back to a more innocent time, when
ventriloquists were on the radio, on occassion in conversation with lip readers.
Brand is no less the “Wildman” of radio (Sun) than he is the new Lord Charles, with Orville’s backcombed hair and an emu down his pants.
For his next broadcast we expect to see Brand with Archie Andrews sat on his arm, educating listeners on life, love and which has the chattiest
tinky winky…
Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (8)
Who Hell John Loughton Is Brother Big
WHO is John Loughton. Or to put it another way, as the Star does: “WHO THE HELL’S HE?”
While the Stars headline writer does an imitation of Mohammed Al Fayed, the paper’s Big Brother expects discover – yes, you’ve guessed it – that Louhgton is the latest winner of Big Brother.
The Star takes the question to the streets, asking “Who’s The Hell’s He?” of eight everyday persons. Two think Loughton is a comic; one thinks he’s a magician; four have no idea who is; and Laura “knew who he was – eventiually”.
Says Jim Whatshisname: “The test will be if anyone says: ‘You’re John from Big Brother. If that happens, I’ll let you know.”
Although the odds on him meeting a Daily Star hack, or Laura, are slimmer than Jade Goody’s Indian fan club…
Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Machine Mashable: The Marijuana Vending Machine (Video)
WE’VE told you of California’s Marijuana ATM Machine. Now watch the video (bring your own snacks)…
Is the reporter the voice of Speak ‘n’ Spell machines? Good to see she’s still getting work…
Posted: 28th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Skating On Thin Ice: Julie Mccaffrey On Vicky Beckham’s Pob Job
IN “Posh copied my hairstyle”, the Mirror looks at a Dancing On Ice “Exclusive” – ‘KRISTINA’ CAME BEFORE VIC’S POB SKATE STAR KRISTINA LENKO.”
The Pob is the name by which Canadian-born Kristina’s hair goes by.
Says she: “My hair was below my waist for a long time. But just before the first series of Dancing On Ice I told my stylist, ‘Do whatever you like’. He came up with this and I was delighted – it’s so easy to look after.”
A brisk walk, a biscuit and Kristina’s hair shines like a Pug’s nose.
She goes on: “I’m flattered and humbled that so many people like it so much. I was in the Australian version of the show when Jayne Torvill said, ‘Guess who’s got a Kristina cut now? Posh! That’s pretty amazing.”
But Kristina is a professional ice dancer and may take offence at the word’s of Julie Mccaffrey, the Mirror’s hack who begins her piece: “Gliding around the rink with all the effortless elegance of a swan, Kristina Lenko makes skating look so damn easy.”
Anorak has been to the lake and seen a swan trying to negotiate the ice. It is not enough unlike watching an un-sunned Vanessa Feltz jelly wrestling.
Duly, Kristina may care to rearrange Ms Mccaffrey’s hair, and, given the levels of violence (and here) exhibited on the show, alter her features, too…
Posted: 26th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Young Blades Needed In Dancing On Ice Meltdown
MORE thrills in the world of pre-celebrity ice dancing as GMTV’s roving reporter Michael Underwood falls to the ice.
His ankle is broken.
Underwood now adds his name to a lengthening roll of honour:
Lusardi, Linda (hairline fracture)
Shaw, Suzanne (scalp sliced open)
Soon the show’s producers will be forced to enlist people from everyday walks of life, hand them a stretchy Lycra singlet and some blades.
What we thought would never happen again may be soon made so. We are running out of celebrities on the frontline and need reserves.
Call Anthea Turner. Sound the bugle. Last call for Anthea Turner…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Jade Goody Cancels Big Brother
“BB’S SO BAD EVEN JADE WON’T DO IT.”
BB is Big Brother and Jade is Jade Goody, aka Jade Baddie, Jade Hoodie.
Says Jade Goody on Big Brother: “Sorry, but the show is over.”
Why Jade should be sorry is not enlarged upon. She goes on: “It’s just over. I’m done with it.”
Jade seems to have been watching one of those EastEnders episodes when a Mitchell turns to his prone victim and says “It’s over when I say it’s over.”
Jade’s proclamation struggles for newspaper space in the Star with other shock news:
“Iain Duncan Smith says ‘I wouldn’t waste my time being prime minister!”
“Sarah Ferguson: Become Queen? No Way!”
“Michael Barrymore: I Would Rather Crawl Over Broken Glass Than Present The 10’clock News!”
And many more…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Home Shopping Presenter Meltdown
COULD you present on a home shopping channel? Could you be happy all day long? Could you sell such utter crap and behave like a talking Argos catalogue?
Posted: 22nd, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Race For The White House: It Changes You
RACE for the White House: All change
Says Andrey Bartnez, the Russian disco artist: “This is a new generation who want to be alone. We never touch real people. We don’t want real people. We enjoy life alone. We feel comfortable, we feel beauty, and we enjoy to be like that. Many millions of people don’t want families, don’t want friends and don’t want relationships with anyone else because they enjoy a comfortable life. And we don’t want change.”
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Posted: 20th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
The Hills TV Show Might Not Be Real
THE HILLS on TV today:
10:55 T4: The Hills Reality series following former Laguna Beach star Lauren Scott as she moves to Los Angeles to study fashion and work as an intern at Teen Vogue magazine. She finds it’s harder than expected to juggle work, school and partying, especially when her unpredictable room-mate sabotages one of her projects (888)
11.25am T4: The Hills Lauren must deal with the fallout of the Teen Vogue party. Meanwhile, Heidi lands an interview for her dream job and considers leaving school permanently (888)
And a health warning before the episodes:
‘The following programme may contain scenes that have been created purely for entertainment purposes.”
They hope…
Posted: 19th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
The Media Messengers And The Media Message
WRITES Guido:
Yet Andy Marr fathering a child with Alice Miles whilst married to Jackie Ashley goes unreported. Across newsrooms, at Islington and Hampstead dinner parties it has been common knowledge for years. These three journalists are at the heart of the politico-media nexus that constitutes the new ruling class. The producers and editors who are the media gate-keepers would not be keen to dish the dirt on their own… despite the fact that it would be of huge interest to the public.
Rumours of unattractive people having sex – discuss… Or ignore… Are the messsengers as important as the message?
Posted: 19th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Big Brother Is Wathing The Sun
TO the House of Lords Communications Committee in the company of the Independent.
Rebekah Wade, the Sun’s editor, the Ginger Ninga, is giving evidence in the matter of media ownerships. Her boss is Rupert Murdoch.
Says Wade: “He can’t understand why I devote so many pages to Big Brother.”
Looking in today’s paper, we can find no mention of Big Brother, aside from a line on the satellite TV listings page.
No coincidence, surely..?
Posted: 17th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Dancing On Ice Needs You
THE Sun says the Dancing On Ice pro-celebrity skating show is “searching for the best “NON-CELEBRITY” skater.
Readers may care to know that Chris Fountain is illegible on account of his being billed as a “celebrity”. So too is Michael Underwood, who fills the pro-celebrity dancing slot reserved for “GMTV Presenter”.
TV executives will be looking beyond the GMTV sofa to find a yet-to-be celebrated ice skating talent who will then perform in the season finale.
With any luck the country’s best non-celebrity ice skater will get to have the full celeb experience and be belittled by the talent show’s obligatory unpleasant judge, in this instance Jason Gardener, who seems to be suffering from some kind of fungal face infection (get the insults in first, kids).
We will watch avidly, as will the British Winter Olympic committee who are always on the look out for talent and amateur sportspersons comfortable in shrink-to-fit lycra…
Posted: 17th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Extreme Makeover: Angels With Dirty Faces
EXTREME Makoever, the best reality TV show ever:
Posted: 17th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Corey Delaney Shows That The Internet Beats TV
COREY Delaney, also known as Corey Worthington of Melbourne, Australia threw a party while his parents were gone. Around 500 people showed up. Things were done.
The TV presenter wants Corey to appreciate the power to TV. She wants him to apologise on the telly. The Anorak imagines the telly is very important to her, it may well be everything. But to Corey it is just a medium, and it not like it’s the web, where he will be revered.
Corey is creating memories. He’ll probably grow up to work in marketing and use his party as his best anecdote…
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Posted: 16th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Slim Pickings On Coronation Street
THE camera cuts to a perplexed pub cook Betty Turpin eyeing with a suspicion often reserved for visiting Cockneys and edible knickers, Coronation Street’s polenta and cheese ready meal.
Betty had best get used to it. The Sun says Coronation Street “bosses” have ordered the cast to stop eating fatty foods and to slim down. Even today’s widescreen TVs are proving too small to contain the thespians.
“Big Stars like Jennie McAlpine, who plays Fizz Brown, will be under the microscope,” says the Sun. Or, rather, the telescope.
This is, of course, no more than reality entering the world of fictional soap.
Viewers should expect one of those health warnings to punctuate each instalment of The Street – “Characters are played by actors who eat five pieces of fruit a day, the cigarettes are asparagus tubes filled with organic talcum powder, and crisps are made of raw slices of potato, the ‘crunch’ sound produced by the sound affects team munching on carrots.”
Look out for cameo appearance from Jamie Oliver who enters the Rovers bar and cooks crisps from “raw”, before adding a natural chicken flavour by killing a hen live on air and with an artisan’s pestle and mortar grinding the meat to a fine powder…
Posted: 16th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
In The Night Garden: In The Changing Room
CHILDREN look away now. More news of the In The Night Garden industrial tribunal.
The Sun says “TV gay” Isaac Blake (a professional Tombliboo) was called a “faggot” after “he and another man were caught with their trousers down in the changing room”, allegedly.
It was never this way with Mr Benn. One step into the changing room and he was altered in a jiffy. Although the shopkeeper did have a strange look about him and an extensive CCTV video collection…
Posted: 16th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Freddie Starr Gooses Samantha Fox On Wife Swap
FOR some years, Anorak has been wondering as to the whereabouts of Freddie Starr.
Fears abounded that Mr Starr was languishing in an Austrian jail, charged and found guilty of mentioning the war and glorifying in Hitler as he toured with the act that made him a stalwart of ITV’s Who Do You Do? through so much of the 1970s.
One of Starr’s escapades was goose-stepping up and down London’s Oxford Street dressed as Hitler, hailing taxis and demanding to be taken to Poland. Did he try to rescale the comedy heights in Vienna?
Happily, it can be revealed that Freddie is at large and soon to appear on the TV show Wife Swap. Freddie will swap ‘wives’ with Sam Fox, the 1980s topless model, who lives with Myra Stratton.
Freddie’s wife is one Donna, who is 27 years his junior. Freddie is 64, making Donna a sprightly 37, a mere nipper when Freddie was doing Hitler.
Anyone keen to discover if Donna actually thinks Starr is Hitler should tune into the show…
Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (25)
Charlotte Mears Gets Her Extension
LAST week Anorak’s Media Centre (Brent X) tuned into Channel 4’s A MILLION POUND PLACE, in which “England international Jermain Defoe and his fiancée, model Charlotte Meares” go holiday home hunting.
In truth, Jermain stayed at home, leaving Charlotte and her mum to check out the spare bedrooms.
When Jermain did feature it was to talk over the phone to Charlotte, who called him “babes”, put on a silly girly voice when money was mentioned (“It’s 1.8, Babes”) and addressed the phone in TV manner – holding the handset in front of your face and looking at it.
Sadly, things were not meant to be. The show was punctuated by the sad news that Jermain and Charlotte had split up. That phone call was omitted.
But now Mears, as the Sun bills her, plans to win back her footballer, who is now dating Danielle Lloyd.
At some point, the Anorak will plot footballers’ careers since they dated Ms Lloyd: Sheringham, Teddy is now turns out for Colchester United; Marcus Bent is on loan at Wigan; and Defoe is as popular at Spurs as last season’s lasagne.
But Mears has a plan. As the headline trills:” I’ll get boobs like Dani to win back Jermain.”
It is genius. Forget the house, Jermain can stay at home and make do with an extension…
Posted: 14th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
People In Order: For Whom The Drum Tolls
“PEOPLE in Order” – a film that shows 100 peopl aged from one to 100 striking a drum:
Posted: 12th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
The Noel Edmonds Deal Or No Deal Nightmare
DEAL Or No Deal – I watch because I hate it.
Noel Edmonds calls the sweaty studio the “Dream Factory”. He just said it.
A dream where you are shut in a windowless room with Noel and a bunch of people opening boxes, guessing, Noel talking about “game plans”, Noel’s banker (conversations with Noel’s God) and hugging is not a dream. It is a nightmare!
Posted: 11th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Who’s Not Watching Big Brother
“CELEBRITY Big Brother has been “AXED”, announces the Star’s front-page news, the paper choosing to lead with a story about a show no-one knows is on.
“Plug pulled on ratings flop.”
Look out for tomorrow’s news “EXCLUSIVE”: “SAVE Big Brother”; “Big Brother Who Cares?”; and “Big Brother In Sex Roasting Shame!”
Posted: 11th, January 2008 | In: Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Five Most Unfortunately Named Products: Ayds
THE Top 5 Most Unfortunately Named Products. At No. 2:
Posted: 7th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Sexy Darts On The BBC
THE world darts championships is on the BBC TV. Says BBC sports presenter Ray Stubbs: “It’s time for the very famous mating call from Martin Fitzmaurice.”
Look out for headlines that darts is the new sex. Says Fitzmaurice, with bedroom eyes: “Let’s play darts!”
Posted: 5th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
Et Tu, Helmut: Plunging with Celebrities
GERMAN TV.
And now over to Sharon Osbourne for the scores…
Posted: 4th, January 2008 | In: TV & Radio | Comment
