The Ten Best Michael Jackson Conspiracy Theories

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson was killed by TMZ, Twitter and Iran. he is also not dead. Anorak presents the Ten Best Michael Jackson Death Theories, following the Five Craziest Michael Jackson Death Theories.

1. TMZ triggered his death

Twitter user bloggerheads says: “TMZ story was not true, but the media bandwagon gained so much momentum they had to covertly kill him.”

More on that here.

2. A new identity as an Osama bin Laden impersonator

“Millions in debt and realises that he can’t deliver on a 50-gig comeback tour, so he fakes his death, assumes a new identity (which he’s been trying to achieve for many years) and disappears?”

3. Faked death to boost album sales

A post from ‘Cascade’ on selectsmart opines: “He faked his death because he knew he’d make a hell of a lot more money dead than alive.

“He’s now on the CIA payroll working with Elvis and Hoffa.”

4. Princess Diana needed a new dance partner.

Jackson now resides with Our Princess of Hearts – oh, the irony – on the fabled Sixth Floor at London’s Harvey Nichols department store.

5. Overdose on Painkillers.

The Sun reports on “an Emergency Room source at UCLA hospital said Jackson aides told medics he had collapsed after an injection of potent Demerol — similar to morphine.”

6. He’s not Dead – It’s just a publicity stunt to drum up, er, publicity.

Perez Hilton, the unctuous gossip blogger says:

As Gawker notes, “In the last hour Perez Hilton has taken down the photo shown here and amended his original post so he doesn’t look as bad, but here’s the text of what he originally posted”:

We knew something like this would happen!!

Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance from his Holmby Hills home to a nearby Los Angeles hospital on Thursday afternoon!!
Supposedly, the singer went into cardiac arrest and the paramedics had to administer CPR!!!

His mother is even on the way to visit him!!!

We are dubious!!

Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for his big HBO special in ‘95 when he “collapsed” at rehearsal!

He was dragging his heels on that just like his upcoming 50 date London residency at the 02 Arena, of which he already postponed the first few dates!!!

Either he’s lying or making himself sick, but we’re curious to see if he’s able to go on!!!

Get your money back, ticket holders!!!!

Look out for the return of Heath Ledger – the world’s leading method actor.

7. Killed By Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

For well over a week, Iran was the media’s lead news story. But now Iran is old news, overtaken by the dearth of Michael Jackson.

The top stories on Twitter at the time of writing are:

Michael Jackson
Jacko
Ticket refunds
I am Michael Jackson
Wacko Jacko
Jordy Chandler
Farrah Fawcett
Habitat – Michael Jackson’s favourite high street future store
Farrah Fawcett swimsuit
Obama says “we bore witness to Jackson”

8. Michael Jackson only 45% dead.

Michael Jackson is not dead. According to cosmetic surgeons, only 45% of the original Jackson remained, which means 55% – the greater part – remains alive.

Although being a Michael Jackson impersonator is akin to hitting a moving target, there are now so many people who look like Jackson that the King of Pop swapped places with one of them in a Prince And the Pauper-style story.

9. Madame Tussaud’s is missing a waxwork.

And in its place is an animatronic Jackson – or is it?

10.Killed by CIA.

Russia’s FSB Reports Pop Icon Michael Jackson Assassinated By CIA

By: Sorcha Faal, and as reported to her Western Subscribers (Traducción al Español abajo)

FSB sources are reporting to President Medvedev today that American pop icon Michael Jackson was “most assuredly” assassinated by the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) after an examination of data transmitted by a Russian Military’s Kosmos 2450 satellite show “conclusively” that immediately prior to the music stars death in Los Angeles an electromagnetic pulse consistent in pattern to EMR weapons looted from the former Soviet Union by the United States was employed at the “exact coordinates” of the rock stars home.

Such are the facts.

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The Five Craziest Michael Jackson Death Theories